Here's another one...
I have taken the time and effort to fill out a comprehensive profile for online dating so the ladies can get a good idea about who I am before considering starting a conversation via messaging. If somebody has just posted a few photos and brief comments without much detail would I conclude that:
A: They aren't really taking it seriously enough and therefore don't match my personality, are lazy and/or aren't as motivated to find a LTR as I am?
or
B: Ladies might approach the process differently than men and would prefer to get to know me (before progressing) through messaging and conversation?
or
C: Something else?
All thoughts are welcome but I'm particularly interested in hearing a female perspective.
2
Enjoy being online again!
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11 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I took the time to fill out an extensive profile on a dating sight and have found 99% of people do not take the time to read it. I get contacted by men that would never match up with what I am looking for or even have anything in common with. Most of the time I just delete their message, but if they put some effort into the message I will reply that sorry we are not a match.
Mermaidfantasy
Level 7
Jan 3, 2019
2
Ok...welcome to agnosticland from a sailor who remembers the siren songs of real mermaids. ...now on to your profile for my 1st read
Cheers! My Engineer's brain tells me to put as much detail as possible and have some fun hitting the word limit exactly 
My regular Joe's part of the brain says fill out a brief profile like most of the other ones. In the end I decided to not pretend to be someone else and go with the detailed option. If someone isn't interested then we probably aren't a match. I get what you're saying about incompatible people contacting you. I have had some of that but I reckon for different reasons from the ladies. I wouldn't want to be a lady on Internet dating. Too many assholes on there for the wrong reasons.
You also have to have some great pictures here is mine Hey and if you're intrested in me sweetums all you have to do this message me loves you.
PinkyandtheBrain
Level 7
Jan 1, 2019
1
Good luck with that strategy. Lol.
@pmar074 Honestly online app dating is very terrible it is the bottom of the barrel. Go with real interactions.
Filling out profles are well intentioned, but silly. We put down versions of ourselves that we want to be - not necessarily who we actually are. Ex: I might be feeling very intellectual today and batshit crazy tomorrow. Who's to say which one is the real me? If you say nice (positive) things about yourself - you come off sounding stuck up. If you confess some of your darker secrets you might have the FBI knocking on your door. What's a girl to do? And - forgive me for saying this - but sometimes a guy can sound sooooooo good on paper and then you talk to him and he sounds like one of the guys who played in Deliverance. Aww....I'm just messing with you....it's all a huge crap shoot. Truth be told - sometimes its the most innocuous tiny thing that someone will say (or do) that just resonates with you - and you should just follow your gut. 
Happy New Year.
Lavergne
Level 8
Dec 31, 2018
1
Happy New Year to you too!
To me, text messaging, email, digital profiles etc. is just a necessary evil of the modern age. This may sound a bit strange but the reason I'd much rather talk to someone face-to-face is I get a much better feel for how genuine they are by looking at their eyes and facial expressions. "Eyes are the windows to the soul."
@pmar074 I couldn't agree with you more! It would be interesting to know what percentage of people who sign up for dating sites actually end up in a long term relationship - not the percentages the sites quote cause we know they lie - I've only known one female friend who found her current husband that way. But she literally made it her "job" while she was looking - had different dates lined up for lunch, drinks after work and late nite dinners.....I guess there really is something to that whole saying about it being a numbers game.
Here's to a have (and lucky) new year to you as well!!
Take the time to read women's profiles and start a conversation based on that. I always replied to longer more personal messages from men. It's in a woman's best interest (safety concerns) to not put all information about herself on a dating profile. It is impossible to get to know someone through the computer only anyway. Take the initiative, be interested and ask questions.
Kojaksmom
Level 8
Dec 31, 2018
0
There's lots of good advice online for online dating and writing profiles for both men and women. I found some good advice from a women's POVhere:
[menaskem.com]
MojoDave
Level 9
Dec 31, 2018
0
The whole point of online dating is to meet in person. That won't happen if you can't get a conversation started. Good pics can attract attention but the profile needs to generate enough interest to start a conversation. Personal details help. Moonlit walks on the beach don't. If I had $1 for every time I read that! On the other hand men often start the conversation by talking about the woman's appearance. Don't do that! To a woman that says you haven't read her profile. Just my opinion.
MojoDave
Level 9
Dec 31, 2018
0
I'm going to share screen shots of my profile "about me" section from POF. I think mine is interesting without telling my deepest secrets.
Cabsmom
Level 8
Dec 30, 2018
3
POF is full of stupid people but a few of us get picked or diamonds in the rough like you are found
There are so many nuances and conflicting attitudes & fears of women not to appear slutty nor unattractive nor unavailable
GreenAtheist
Level 8
Dec 30, 2018
1
I assume A almost always. I do realize that some people just don't like taking about themselves and may have a hard time writing good things about themselves in what seems like a used car salesman way. However, I still assume that if they haven't bothered to create a full profile then they cannot be serious about finding love.
Nukdookum
Level 8
Dec 30, 2018
2
I tend to lean towards A too. However, I can understand how some people would find it an uncomfortable process as it feels a bit like writing a LTR CV.
I pass up anyone who hasn't given it a good effort or if it's just a repetition of what I have seen 1000 times. " I believe in living life to its fullest." ARRRGGGHHHH! To me it just says "I have no imagination and I can't be bothered with trivial stuff like communication."
@mollygirl Oh yes. Some of my personal favorites: "I want someone who makes me happy", "I like to have fun", "I just want someone who can make me laugh".
Yes, we all want those things. But we each have different ideas about what makes us happy. Is going to dive bars and listening to live local music "fun" or is being tied up and having candle wax dripped on you "fun? I need to know these things if I'm going to make an informed decision!
I'm new at this stuff to, but I don't like profiles where they say, "ask me" or something similar. It only takes a few minutes to tell something about yourself.
As for why they do that...I have no idea. Men do it also so it's not a gender thing.
Cabsmom
Level 8
Dec 30, 2018
3
Risking rejection AND accurate self disclosure is a challenge to even public speakers like me
@GreenAtheist yes, but saying something as benign as...
I like football or
I'm friendly or
I like dogs
Hardly seems risky.
Oh yes, the "ask me" gets to me too. I still find myself wondering if men are more likely to do it because they're lazy. The women may be more interested in a coffee date to talk - especially as the cafe culture is quite strong in Auckland. I've also heard some horror stories, from a friend in the UK, about her experience of internet dating. I think many more women are far more well behaved and genuine online than some of the men on these websites are.
@Cabsmom agreed fearsomeness is no excuse for a lazy brain
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