I never know what or how much is going to come out of me when I start writing to something that has piqued my interest. I wrote the following as a comment to a post in Love and Relationships. It's how I felt and what I needed to express from the prompting question. It's an emotional thing, deep seated. And it's never been satisfied properly over any long term. I think this is so because I have always chosen to be with the wrong woman in the past. I'm looking for the right woman now. And if I never find her, I think I'd prefer to be alone and not go through the frustration again. So, as you read through this, try to imagine if you know of a woman who would be interested in what I'm talking about. I'd like to talk with her and consider working out a way to get together. Probably in stages, using caution... at least until we were both sure and confident. You know?

The question was about whether people have better sexual relations if they form a friendship first. The friendship would provide strong indications that the couple could stay together, at least at the friendship level. But I've had several relationships that started like that but never satisfied me in my deep, emotional zones... they weren't capable of it - they never existed in that zone. It meant nothing to them.

So I answered that it really depends on the people involved. Some people have a sex routine that kicks in as soon as sex starts, like a switch... you might develop a fine relationship at first, but their sex routine still kicks in during sex. Why does relating have to change so much with some people just because you're engaging in sex? All it is is another form of touching, but no... once it starts, we suddenly become orgasm machines. Why is this so necessary?

If orgasm is our primary focus, I can get an orgasm much more efficiently by myself... why must I submit to letting someone "give" it to me and have it take at least twice as long and then she just wants to jump up and go shopping or out to eat as soon as orgasm starts? Alone, I can sustain multiple waves of orgasm... so beautiful... she has no knowledge or concern (just shake it like a beer can and let him spew).

Let me tell you something: I don't miss orgasms - they're just survival, like sleeping and eating. What I miss is the feel and proximity of a woman.That is special and rare... I don't care what other men want - I'm me... I'm telling you what I want - don't stereotype me - listen to what I'm saying, don't tell me what I want. And I'll listen to you.

A soft kiss. Her hands on me... anywhere, everywhere - not just one place. Holding, touching, talking, smiling, laughing, stroking, all over, everywhere - being close and sweet, and still having nice conversation and exchanging gentle affections... sharing physical exploration slowly, calmly, while NOT in a fever pitch for orgasm ASAP.

Slow down... just enjoy being together, close. Nobody's on a sexual mission clock... take your time... stop and enjoy/appreciate the views, talk about it, ask questions, learn things along the way... try new things... slowly. Focus on the nearness.

Done THIS way, your best relationship could start THIS way.