Tell me what you think happened... I was texting with a very nice man I met here. He seemed intelligent and kind. After a few weeks he suggested dinner at his house. I said that sounded wonderful, but for our first time meeting in person, maybe we could go out to a restaurant at a city mid-way between our cities. I suggested a breakfast. ...... The next day, I guess he deleted his account. All our messages have disappeared, and he is no longer "following" me. What do you think happened???
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14 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I have met dates at their house or my house for the first date plenty of times. Maybe the neighborhood is less safe around your area but around here it's very common to meet at each other's houses first. I'm not sure why he stopped messaging you and deleted the messages. Maybe he found someone else or already had someone and they found out. Who knows?
McWalsoft
Level 6
July 1, 2018
0
So, you tell random acquaintances your address, that you live alone, and let them reconoiter your floor plan? Why does this seem like a Very poor idea to me? And what has your general neighborhood have to do with this in any way?
@AnneWimsey I even give out my key to strangers as well. I have never been robbed, or felt in anyway threatened by the people I invite to my house. My grandfather and some of my best freinds are the same way. Our houses are always welcome and usually unlocked. I have my place open to people if they want to grab a drink on there walk by. Is it dangerous? Possibly but I think the majority of people are good and you meet many amazing people with an open and friendly attitude. Remeber you get more flies with honey then you do with vinegar.
@McWalsoft i totally agree most people are good, reallygood, ad full of good intentions. However, it only takes one bad one to completely tuin your day or maybe your life.
If a person isn't willing to meet you at a neutral and public location then something is wrong and you should not meet that person. Personally, I think you probably avoided a mistake (at best) and possibly something much worse. Keep trying and good luck, but stay safe.
Charles1971
Level 7
June 30, 2018
2
My dear woman. Times have changed. You need to be careful & never apologize for not trusting a stranger. I know you are looking for what many of us are but most of us don't find it online. Please do not be disappointed in being dumped. It is better to dumped online than being dumped on a back road without your head. You were lucky.
Mooolah
Level 8
June 30, 2018
2
Thank you. I haven't dated for almost 10 years, and I feel like I don't know what the rules are. I guess I will do what I would tell my daughter. (I would never let her meet a strange man at his house.Thank you for the wakeup call.
I was an old bachelor of 43 when I first married,so no kids,when my wife died,her money hungry,controlling son was selling off what he could to fund his druggie life style,I moved away to stay with some friends and rented out the house we called home for 14 years,cutting off any communication with my stepson. Not a good situation,but I was lonely before I married, and will probably be lonely again...
Mike1947
Level 7
June 30, 2018
0
I wish you lived nearby, but we can always talk this way. I don't want you to be lonely. There are a lot of fun things to do in this world. If there is a senior center nearby, they have activities with very low prices. Some of those things are fun to try. I find I feel better if I get out of the house at least once a day. Best wishes to you.
No meetings in private places until at least 3 public meetings!!
Something wrong with this person, be glad he is gone....dinner at his house could easily become you chained in the basement for the rest of your life! Smarten up!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
June 30, 2018
2
I think he wanted to get you into bed that‘s why he wanted you to do dinner at his place. when you suggested breakfast at a neutral venue he realised that wasn’t going to happen, and then vamoosh!
Marionville
Level 10
June 30, 2018
2
You did the right thing.
He's a weirdo. You should always meet someone in public first.
Ellatynemouth
Level 8
June 30, 2018
2
I’m very sorry this happened, but I can’t help thinking you dodged a bullet.
I’ve been online dating for well over two years now, and the transition from talking/messaging to meeting then dating can be the acid test. Even a first meeting can seem to go very well, then: ghost city.
Know this was not about you, but about him.
Also know, there are predators out there who operate best in private: you drew a healthy boundary by refusing to be private so soon. Good for you!
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
June 30, 2018
5
Thank you for replying. I thought maybe I had offended him.
@DevraisA1 Don’t worry about his feelings. IF he’s that easily offended, that reasonable boundaries anger/upset him, then he had serious issues, and it’s good to have discovered it early.
Many folks have never encountered a narcissist, or sociopath, or other toxic type. If you’re re-entering the dating world, you might want to do some research. Flyingmonjeysdenied.com is a good source of info, especially on ‘red flags’ of toxic people. Research now can save you endless heartache later.
@CarolinaGirl60 Thank you! I will check it out today.
@DevraisA1 women who worry about a strangers feelings are called VICTIMS!
I suspect "Cold Feet",second thoughts,if he had proper upbringing,an apology at the least,maybe fear of any type of comittment? Hard to say exactly.
Mike1947
Level 7
June 30, 2018
2
He invited me to dinner at his house; I felt that since I didn't even know his phone number that a restaurant was a more appropriate setting for meeting for the first time. Did I offend him? Am I old fashioned? What would you have done? I just started dating after ten years of being a widow....I guess I don't know how modern people date.
If it's any comfort,perhaps your feelings are bruised, Heart a little hurt, there's still good men out there,some are damaged from relationship breakups,willing to try once more.
@DevraisA1 You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing! Do not feel bad about protecting yourself. You are also right that on a few weeks’ acquaintance, not knowing much about him, you needed more time and info to feel comfortable and safe.
@DevraisA1 I'm a widower myself lost wife of 27 years in Sept to lung cancer,the dating situation is so fluid today,I remember in High School how the girls expected the white knight to come and knock on tier doors and sweep them away.Now women are aggressive and know what they want. I've tried about every free and membership dating sites. Most are full of scammers,so beware.
@Louise1920 Have you found a way to date? So far, I really like this site. I value friendship and intelligent conversation. Dating would be nice, if it happened. I was just surprised...we had some great conversations. It would have been fine if it stayed at that level. When he asked me out and then disappeared, I felt confused. This is the third time this has happened to me...do I come across as aggressive? I really welcome your advice.
@DevraisA1 Well,my wife's been gone since Sept,13th,so I've tried to initiate dates,but most women are too far way, I've been scammed for about $1000 with promises that never happened,gift cards paying her cell phone bill etc. The world of dating has changed so much today.Most sites want you to upgrade to see messages for $$, and living on SS has me watch my expeditures closely.
@Louise1920 Your loss was so recent. Please accept my deepest condolences. It's been ten years for me. I only recently started dating. I am fortunate that I have my grown children to advise me. If I might offer you some advice, please don't give any woman (who is not a long term friend) any money under any circumstances. In my opinion, a genuine woman will even offer to pay half for the first date. I think a great first date is a weekend breakfast. Best wishes to you.
@Louise1920 at the first mention of money, even a tiny amount, FLEE! This goes for all genders!
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