Years ago, I overheard a coworker talking about a soldier who was almost killed in battle from a bullet to the chest. "If the bullet had just been a half inch to the left, it would have killed him! God was looking out for him!" So I asked "soooooo, god steered the bullet just a bit? And what about his buddies who were killed? Did god steer those bullets too? Did he steer them just enough to kill the soldiers?" Then someone popped in with some work business and the subject was changed.

Here's another one for "everything happens for a reason":

A friend's elderly mother (call her Kate) is determined to live in her own house as long as possible. My friend lives in another state, so her aunt (Kate's sister) checks in with Kate every few days. One day, Kate falls and can't get up. She laid there on the floor of her living room for THREE DAYS! When the aunt discovered her, she was barely alive, dehydrated, and covered in her own filth. The rationalization was that this HAD to happen to convince Kate to move into assisted living. To which I though, gee, wouldn't ONE day have sufficed? Even a HALF day? No, apparently god couldn't have nudged the aunt there for three days. Or better yet, god couldn't have spoken to Kate and TOLD her that she should move to assisted living.

"The desire in most people to belong is greater than the desire to understand. Hence, the popularity of religions and cults and the lack of the role of reason in human affairs." Thomas Szasz

I hate the "everything happens for a reason" bullshit. I've had some really crappy stuff happen in my life, and just because I'm OK now doesn't mean that all the crap HAD to happen. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if I could go back in time and change a couple of key turning-point decisions, my life would be significantly better.

Overheard someone in the office talking about the twin towers coming down and that famous intersection of I-beams that made a cross. Clearly that was a sign from god. Sooooo inspirational (I'm rolling my eyes.) A miracle. So I said, "you know what would have impressed me? If an invisible giant hand had caught the plane before it hit the building and lowered it gently to the ground." That whole building was built with I-beams meeting at right angles. It's almost impossible for there to have NOT been something like that in the rubble.

I read through all the comments and I'm surprised nobody mentioned this one: "But aren't you afraid of Hell?"

Yes, almost as much as I'm afraid of becoming collateral damage in the war between unicorn-riding leprechauns and snow-breathing dragons.

"Why do you hate god so much? I'm going to pray for you."

Ugghhhh. Either combined or said individually, these two make me want to fork-stab an eyeball.

No other gods before me as the first commandment... Does that mean there are other gods? A jealous god not the only one. Most gods get low-balled later into angels or myths(not that all deities aren't fiction that probably seemed like a good idea at the time). That is kind of patronizing. It is selfish and gives nothing, takes all even if if the book cited says the opposite. Jesus is good... He pulled an unwilling woman out of his rib and fucked her in front of Mary mandeline and he went into more detail about hell. Allah is good, well apparently doesn't have a gender but separates the sexes? God is good? No. Just no. Thor is good (well I don't see any ice-giants but there sure is some big hail), Mother nature isn't even balanced. Martian Luther didn't believe in the catholic church so he made his own, that is one of the ones where stepping on a cross doesn't matter. Also Hebrews weren't allowed to be carpenters. And if you're non Caucasian today? There were African leaders in US going way back and Jesus would be Arab or African.
Now my family works from stuff like Chivalry, being good, accepting anyone, charity I'm not sure if any of those are to do with Christianity but I love my parents. I'll let go of the secret that I put my faith in people and what they can do at best, myself at worst.

Saying that everything happens for a reason does warrant elevating unknown causes to a mystical status...

In addition to the ones you mentioned, here is the airtight argument my mom keeps giving me: "But what if you're wrong?"

If you talk to God you are praying. If God talks to you your are insane.

Very nice. I shall be using some of these on my travels.

Okay this is some good stuff. T- shirts...BRILLIANT!!

Happy New Year.

I believe in Disney animated films then I do in god. And if you believe science and religion are just different ways of looking at the same thing then I want what your smoking. What your suggesting is that the superstitions of the bronze age is equal to today's science. You are so off base here. I think you need to spend more time in a chuch and less time on this site.

We were made in his image... lol

Yeah and look how fragile we are, we are so poorly built as an entity.

By the way I don't believe anything haha neither religious doctrine nor evolution theory

Some people have a great need to feel wanted, needed and to belong. Those people follow their "God". It is strange to me that people need to feel that they belong to a religion. Why follow something if it can not be proven?

Love it! Where can i buy the T-shirt?

Darn right!! That's funny as hell saying god needs to speak the fuck up, LMAO ????

9. And the "good" book describes how to get slaves and trick them into staying slaves after the 7 year mark. Do you believe in the instruction manual for slavery?