I agree with what most of these folks have said.
Know your own motives first.

You would have done more back then if you could have - but you did have to take care of yourself first.

If you decide you want to know how she is - you could easily ask just that. "How are you? You come to mind now and then because I know you went through some terrible things and I wonder if you are doing better now?". That sort of thing.
I'd even say use FB or some such social media as that is very casual and the person can refuse to connect with you. (IDK if that's an option).

You don't have to complicate it. You can ask "as a friend". I'd make that plain.

Because I worked in Mental Health I've had friends here and there over my lifetime who were not in good shape. I'm a great listener. I have my own issues - so I really get it.
But be really sure you're willing to take this on as a complication in your life.

I had a friend who needed help with everything. And it finally reached a point where he's ask for advice - not take it - and not do anything to help himself. About two years ago I finally told him I was done.

To take on someone who may not be able to give back is a great thing.
But you have to want to be doing it. (This guy I got very accidentally and his therapist actually fired him for not following through - I figured that out eventually).
That was my wall to beat my head against though - not yours!

She may still be dealing with her stuff. Or she may be well recovered.
I don't think she'd want to avoid you unless she's entirely blocked out what happened.

I'd hope with a history like that one - that she finally got therapy.

At worst she may never contact you. At best you have a friend that you really want to support.

As an aside there have been people I regretted losing out of my life. And some of them I've reconnected with. So far I've no reason to regret that.
Frankly if it doesn't work - then usually they would sort of drift back out of your life.

She sounds very vulnerable and it’s a testament to you that you’ve thought about her and want to check in with her. You received a lot of advice both good and bad, but as a survivor of abuse and with PTSD, I would be very grateful to hear from someone who saw me at my most vulnerable and wants to see how I’m doing.

From what I read you have a lot of emotions tied up in this girl. You met a great girl, had a great night of sex after a lot of fun build up, then she had a horrific break down and you wanted to help but felt you couldn't. Your guilt is understandable and your inability to let go of her is clear.

For your own sense of mind you want to reach out and get her current status. The guilt you feel is not for her, it's for yourself. I'm not saying you're a bad person, but you should recognize that sating your curiosity about her is not going to help her. You may get lucky and she's doing great and you can go away happy, but that outcome sounds unlikely. She sounds like she has no support system and as she was traumatized by what should have been her support system (family) when she was young, she will not know how to generate a proper one.

Most likely, you'll find out that she's in a bad place, maybe slightly better than she was but still bad. Her feelings towards you are probably negative, regardless of your guilt she'll know that you left her when she clearly needed someone. Again, you're only human but her view point is probably not going to shine you in a good light. What she needs along with some professional help is a lot of support and it will be very difficult on the support. Are you ready to provide that?

What I'd recommend, is that you find out what you can about her (even if it gets a little stalky) without her knowing. With more information make a more informed decision from there. The likely outcome of this is that she's still in a bad place, and even with your guilt you're not ready to support her because it's a LOT of effort. Again, I'm not saying you're a bad person, but the amount of emotional toll helping this person will be is more than most people can bare.

What I'd do, is I'd reach out and decide that I was going to help her in every way that I could until she got to a good place, and I'd probably fail. Good Luck!

The smartest thing you did was walk away. Someone in my family did the rescue thing with a girl that sounded very similar to your story. Unfortunately it seems he had SUCKER written all over his forehead and she was a USER. Just a short few months later this guy is in major debt for helping out a girl because he "loved" her by feeling sorry for her. To me the jump in sexual behavior along with the sad sob stories, real or not, spell one thing BIG RED FLAGS! There is no reason to rescue someone and be the knight in shining armor because they need to resolve and deal with their own issues to have any healthy relationships anyway. AND when you run out of empathy or money, those types will prey on the next SUCKER.

There is bad in life that we just can not fix. Tea and sympathy is about all we have. I hope you come to a successful conclusion to what you are experiencing.

There is a strange and consistent reaction when people are told of others traumas. Always, it seems, disbelief comes first. I suppose those of us who don't experience the worst the world has to offer don't want to believe it is that bad. I do wish people would recognise that bias when it comes up though. It's always painful to hear that someone has to "prove" their traumas every time they're revealed to a new person.

Ofcourse you are aware that one cannot rescue anyone but themselves when it comes to trauma. Your altruism is admirable. Your resilience is what has sustained you. Before you make a decision you may regret, think long & deeply of the consequences of not letting sleeping dogs lay. There is a yearning in you that for the moment seems to be consuming you. The moment may pass. The invitation to toxicity may not. Do really want the complications in your life that contact may result in? Perhaps you might follow her for a while on social media & get a sense of where she is in her life. Remember one can not rescue anyone but ones self regarding brain issues. One should never or shall I say rarely act upon emotion. Especially emotions based on "a connection" which tends to be one of pheromones & a need of the moment. For me this has always resulted in regret. You can not save her. Your urge should pass. Work thru this desire before you make any decision. Your cooler mind should prevail.

Your own guilt at your inability to help, or even cope with what she presented then is making you feel this way.

As a survivor I must say
a. This was long ago right? She may have been in therapy for years and tried to put all that behind her, you popping in out of the blue might actually cause her regress. She might have to deal with all the baggage resurrected by your return.

b. She might not want you around, she broke down, needed help and you essentially ran away then. She might not be receptive to your rationales as to why, as they might seem trivial in comparison to her own situation then.

c. She may have had no therapy and still be suffering, and even with it most of us do forever anyway. As inevitable as the damn tide. Are you better able to help with those burdens now, or have you evolved enough as a human that your prior actions make you feel shame and you wish you had done otherwise?
like Betty said "First you should ask yourself if you would be contacting her for yourself or to help her?"

Look at your rationales as to why and wherefore, weigh all options.
No one can tell you what to do, you have to live with yourself. To thine own self be true.
Will not making any effort leave this as a haunting regret?

Good Luck

First you should ask yourself if you would be contacting her for yourself or to help her. Then if you choose to go forward then do your homework. Find out as much as you can about her (Google and Facebook ect.). If you have contacts in her neighborhood see what they can find out without approaching her. With the information you have accumulated ask a psychologist for advice. Then ask yourself again...are you doing this for yourself or for her.

You need to heal yourself before you dare attempt to save someone.

You seem to be a very caring, sensitive person. I'm not a counselor, but I would say if you've ever gone to one, or if you have a good rapport with your doctor, you might want to ask them. My question would be: Who are you doing this for, really, and how do you want to feel about it in a year from now? I know you're curious, to the point of near obsession, but what price are you willing to ask her to pay to satisfy your curiosity without knowing her current circumstances?

She seemed to be the type of person to get caught up with any type of romantic involvement, and her current one might not be nearly as understanding as you. So if you sent her a letter, and he intercepted it, you might even be asking for trouble, for her or for you - it's hard to tell. I would suggest a good deal of caution here, with a person who seems to have been so damaged. That's my ten cents.

What a sad tragic situation for that girl. Were you in love with her? Sounds like it to me.
Oh there's always that "one that got away"... with men.

Here's my humble opinion. You need to really ask yourself if you reach out to her are you willing to not bolt again. I think this just haunts you.
On one hand I'm totally sympathetic to your realizing your limits in dealing with her traumas. That's a great deal to contend with for anyone! It's very hard to be with someone who's had such damage. (btdt but briefly- out of my depth also)

On the other if you're just trying to soothe the wound that you left her, right or wrong, to sate your curiosity, I would not shake up her world with my presence. If you can't stick around and make amends for real if you see her in person, you will just be doing more damage IMO.

If you are absolutely compelled to give some token of acknowledgment sleuth her REALLY well and write to her with an honest apology and own that you were out of your depth. (no harm in admitting that)

She can't help what happened to her. That was a horrible hand she was dealt, so not her fault. At the same time in situations like that my thought would be "first do no harm", because it's apparent you cared for this girl and it's haunting you.
((( hugs )))

Contact her. Just a short "hey, been thinking about you and hoping you're ok" is all you need.

What is your end goal? She sounds like she has been through more than a lot of people can take on. Do you want a relationship with her - one that might turn into you being in a position of being a nurturer/healer? Is that something you are strong enough, or even want to handle?

If you reach out to her, which is absolutely fine to do (especially in this day and age where everybody can find everyone online), just be clear in your own head what it is you want to accomplish and what you are able to provide for her. If she wants something from you that you can't offer, you may be one more person that ends up causing more harm to her than good in the end. Good luck. She sounds like she needs a good friend.

Well if you contact her be ready for her to lash out because you dumped her from my reading of it. I'm not saying you necessarily should have stayed if you didnt want to deal with it but it sounds like she needed you then and while it might make you feel better to contact her, unless you're ready to have a relationship I would leave it alone. Best idea is to reverse the rolls and trey and try to think of how you'd feel if she called you in a similar circumstance. You might be feeling "well she didn't care then why does she care now?" I think the letter idea is a good one. That way she can ignore you if she wants to and you can apologize like you want to. As to what to say, I'd say you were overwhelmed when it happened, you didn't know how to help her and youve felt guilty this whole time.

Wow that is a lot to take in, It's also a lot to take on, are you sure your ready to be there. I am personally all about compassion for my fellow human, that being said this girl definitely needs to see a professional. Sure you can lighten the load a bit, but she needs to work through that. Also don't be shocked if she turns you away, she may feel like you abandoned her. This is your choice, and it is a hard one, no one can make it for you. Good luck.

Do it i say. Reaching out helps alot of people. Just knowing someone cares is more help then anyone realizes.