My parents met in June and married in October. My mother was supposed to return to graduate school in the fall but instead she drove back to pick up her things and break the news to her boyfriend. They are celebrating 55 years this year.

Right now I'm just looking for people who don't piss me off.

Connection and realationship are two entirely different things.

I disagree about toughing it out. I did that for 5 years, most miserable years of my life. If only one person is willing to put in the effort then it’s not going to work. Life is too short to be miserable.

You are right on that. My wife and I were instantly together, we went out on a date and I never went home after the date. But it did take years to know and understand each other at the level we both wanted. That's the difference, how deep do you want the relationship?

In my experience, most men (and women) can hold it together for about three weeks. Then the bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that killed their last relationships.

The last man I met was great on Saturday. On Sunday, he acted grumpy, moody, withdrawn and distant. I stayed calm and rose above.

"Stay away from moody women," he wrote in his long list of requirements for a woman- that he asked me to read.

If he acts this bad at the beginning of a relationship, how is he going to behave when we are more involved? I am not willing to be around a moody, grumpy man.

We are living in the instant society. Everything has to be immediate, we are losing the ability to be patient. Everything we buy at the click of the mouse will be delivered pronto to our doors by drone. Why should we believe connecting with people should be any different, we swipe left or right on our phones, never knowing if any of the rejected ones might have been ” the one”. Sometimes you do know right away, and other times emotional attachment comes over time. Every relationship is different, but if you find the right person it is worth the effort to work at it.

Agreed.
Which is why I'm no longer interested in even pursuing it.
I have better things to do.

Went out with my husband on a Friday, had sex the same night, he asked me to marry him on Monday. Married him six months later. Together 4O years. Possible.

I was friends with my ex for a year and a half before we started dating. Dated for six months then lived together for 2 years before we married. We were married 17 years before we separated.

I agree 100% with what you are saying. But there is always more to the story.

Yes I agree that relationships are hard work and few people want to work that hard. I blame it on remote controls, if you don't like the channel you have just sit on your butt and push a button to get 300 more choices. All kidding aside our culture has promoted instant gratification and I think all relationships are suffering from this. Also our inability to hold conversations is not helping

That's why I like porn. Instant attraction, finish the job, then no hurt feelings. lol. JK.

I kind of wonder about this search for "chemistry" WIth the expectation it be there at first contact. I think we are shortchanging ourselves with a myth or fantasy. I had those kind of experiences when I as young but I think hormones were a major element in the equation.

The right one will know, your mate will find you. There is a woman out there with the shortcut embedded.... she knows my password. Not that the long trail is useless or not productive but I had seen it happen in a snap. Long or short trail, both lead to the same paradise. Sometimes is the stranger that understand what your friends always miss. Just because you never experienced do not means that is not real. Not everyone is going to get lucky like that. It is not for everyone. The right one... you will know at the touch.

I spent 13 years with my ex-husband... Not an instant connection. After him i dated for about 6 months meeting nice people. Then 6 months in, I made that instant connection. Wound up in his bed, and haven't left. It happens, and it's amazing. 10 months later, I'm still excited to hear from him.

That's why I like porn. Instant attraction, finish the job, then no hurt feelings. lol. JK.

The feeling of instant connection is often wrong and driven by our wishes and hopes and our genes. IMO, the more quickly it happens should send up alarms. Many people are unable to reveal who they are and are not aware of this resistance so beware!!

It appears we are attempting to increase the speed of ..love, as we have with most other natural processes… I suspect many are ‘jumping to the end,’ or more so looking for what would kill the r/s than willing to give it that time to develop..

Spent too many years devoted to have acquired adequate sifting skills

Did a female just reject you. Are you in the mind state that you're being catfished. Everyone's personalities are different than others. It doesn't matter if you're religiously retarded or an atheist. Women like bad boys, and maybe you should calm down on the giving in so much. Sorry, but it sounds like you're looking for advice. Just saying

Hi, Dan,

Yup..in my case it takes over a year before I feel physical attraction to anyone.

By the way, this website has a bit of a learning curve, so maybe this information will be helpful to you in dating here.

If you upload a recent, clear photo of yourself, answer the profile questions, and write your profile, listing your hobbies and interests, you'll earn website points, and members can get to know you.
Commenting on posts and writing your own earns more points, and at level eight you get an agnostic T-shirt.

The website uses profile algorithms to find member matches, so the more details one includes, the better the match.

Many women prefer to see a written profile talking about interests, hobbies, and backgrounds that can be quickly perused to find compatible partners.

In case you didn't know yet, to find members near you, click on the "Browse" button at the top of the page, then on "Members," and enter your preferred search parameters.
Click on the "Discuss" button, then "Nearby" to find members near you also.
Or click on the "About" button at the top left of the page to find links to FAQ or the website tutorial.

I do think that some people can have an instant connection or attraction to someone else. It has never happened for me, but I've seen it with other people. I need to get to know someone before I'm comfortable with them.

Because life is short.