I guess maybe I should clarify. It was just before Thanksgiving. Vincent came to my office at work. His family had just uninvited us to Thanksgiving dinner. They are mormon. I told him it was ok and we would do our own thing with my grandpa. We kissed and make small jokes. He bought me flowers that night. Then we ended up having a small argument because I was still pushing him to get mental help. I had known he was having suicidal thoughts for about 15 days. And I wanted him to go in patient for professional help. He wouldn't. That night he called at 1:06am and unlike every time before, for some reason I didn't wake up. He didnt leave a voicemail, he just shot himself in the head. The suicide not said he had been planning it for months. And he knew it would hurt me an others but that he felt it was the brave thing to do, and best for everyone. I personally have struggled with guilt but i am seeing a counselor.

It has taken me a long time to realize that the love one has for another, especially a lover, never dies, it does not go away and it is always with you. The best you can do is respect the relationship and grow with it. I am sorry you are having to experience this, but it is the way it works. To feel nothing would be0 inauthentic to you and Vincent.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Hang in there--- Today will be better and tomorrow will be great !

Suicide is the ultimate "fuck you" to the survivors. Think about that!

You will get pass this. You just need to realize death is apart of living, a.very hard part, and it happens everyday somewhere. Just appreciate your being alive now and enjoy everyday to its fullest. You only live once so be good to yourself.

Sorry to hear your sorrow April,be strong.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are still grieving.  Of course you'll never forget him, but the pain will get much more bearable over time.

Sorry for the pain and loss you both suffered.

I grew up in a cult, and it really messes with you head. When your family shuns you, it is one of the most unnatural, cruelest things that a cult uses to control members. He was probably having feelings of guilt coupled with compound PTSD.

I am very sorry that he didn't seek inpatient treatment, but you did your best. You probably kept him alive longer, if it wasn't for your caring about him, he may have done it sooner. I am so sorry for your loss.

Feeling for your loss..it is my birthday in a few days and I understand what memories birthdays bring up. <3

Wow I am so sorry.
Truly and awful thing to happen to you and can't imagine how difficult it is to cope with something like that.

I think everyone we love always has a piece of our hearts. It is what makes us better and stronger than we were before knowing them and grows as we love and lose loved ones, however we lose them.

I know you must be going through a lot considering this was a year ago.. It's very shocking when you are rocked by such tragedy. When it's as senseless as suicide or accident or any other action that can change us and the lives around us in the blink of an eye, things are upside down for us for some time. We ruminate over things like this in our minds wondering all the while, what we could have done to prevent or ease the situation. We tend to blame ourselves. I can't begin to tell you how much harm this will do to someone. Events like these are like a stone into water, the circles rush outward clear over everyone and everything in their path. They continue through time and wrack our souls, slamming us against the rocks of life in the tumultuous tide. Crashing again and again until we are so fragile and frail starting anew from bones and threads become the only choice we have. Much like reaching the bottom would be for someone deep in an addiction or sinking to the bottom of mental anguish. I read recently, sometimes we must sink to the very bottom of our misery to see the truth, much like we must go to the bottom of a well to see the stars in broad daylight. I am a suicide survivor, so I can completely understand how this tragedy touches others. I have seen it from my own eyes when I was at the bottom of my well. I am living proof that it is possible to reach an equanimous existence and perspective in life, regardless of the tragedies you are exposed to... I hope what you've shared with us here, your path, brings you to equanimity at some point. I hope someday, you are able to mend yourself back together and experience life whole again. Don't give up, because every breath is a gift, every day is a gift, it's a new chance to start again. There is a reason the wind shield is ten times bigger than the rearview mirror. The past, while important, is a minimal part of what is happening to us. We are ever changing beings. All that we experience is temporary and will always pass and arise into and out of existence for as long as we are experiencing life.

I'm so sorry. Losing someone you love is horrible, but losing them to suicide is unspeakable pain. I lost my best friend and cousin to suicide. I thought the pain would never leave. It took three years to finally stop turning on her street to go see her. I kept dialing her number forgetting she wasnt "there" anymore. It was so hard to accept and believe she was permanently gone from our family. I can't say anything that will make you feel better. I know. Time though, the passing of time, will help.

Wow that's heartbreaking life sucks sometimes... New to site looking for a friend!

Sad for your sake, a childhood friend of mine did this and after many years the anniversary is still tough to deal with. I don't know what to say that will be a comfort. In my case, it hasn't really gone away I just learn how to live with this and recognise why I feel so down when the anniverary approaches. Thinking about the person and imagining what you may say might help, I sometimes do that to the person I lost, its just tough as its such a lengthy process, there may never be a sense of closure in this case...

I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. My heart goes out to you. Sending wishes of peace and comfort. Someday the good memories will bring you comfort and I hope you will come to realize in your heart that it truly wasn't your fault. Sadly, if someone is intent on taking their life, they will find a way. I try to find comfort knowing that they are at peace now. They aren't struggling through life. I carry the people I have loved and lost with me. Trauma and grief change you, but it will get easier with time and you will be happy one day again. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, you are still grieving. All the hugs for you.

My deepest condolences on your immense loss. I wish that we could offer you any more comfort than words.