I have a similar dynamic with my wife, though in her case she suffers from some fairly significant mental illness that causes her to always be anxious and quite negative.

It's bloody exhausting and from time to time it brings me down, yet we both benefit from one another — she gets the positive attitude from me to help her see beyond her often bleak mindset and I get a cautionary balance to keep me from leaping in with both feet.

That's over simplifying our dynamic hugely, and it's actually taken me many years to learn how be a good partner to her (and a lot of self-realisation in the process), but I think we make a good team, despite our wildly differing attitudes.

I'm a pessimistic optimist. I hope for the best but expect the worst lol

Being a defeatist is not the same as being a realist! You can be an optimistic realist ( I am) and help to work on a solution! ...OR ...Be negative and part of the problem !

As a scientific leaning person I will describe myself a realist & optimist which means I analyze and over think challenges and obstacles in my life yet I am always rooting and looking for a positive outcome. I tend to do that with my kids: identify the challenges ahead in order to circumvent them and root for them to be successful.
A pessimist in my book is the one that has little or no vision past the immediate obstacle they face which leads to abandonment or just depression.

In short: optimist sees and anticipates opportunities while pessimists sees and anticipates obstacles.

Benefit is: pessimist expects you to abandon him so when you decide to, it won't be a big deal.

If you share a sense of humor, yes it can work. If it makes you resent each other no. If you really like each other as people, and you can make fun of each other and of yourselves, l think it can. I have been there when l was younger.

Pessimist or Realist?

So, I think different situations call for different reactions....and while it is helpful to have someone with a generally cheery disposition, it also helps if both parties are practical realists who evaluate situations adequately when making plans or tackling obstacles.

In my opinion , being a realist , I'm more apt to spot potential problems and find ways to either fix or avoid them , before they happen . Saves a LOT of time , money , and frustration , in the long run . For instance , let's take a vacation in Europe . Well , we'll need to get a passport , and certain vacinationtions . It takes at least 6 weeks to get a passport , after they've received our filled out form and suitable photos , along with our check . Best to get the passports , before we even make our reservations .

Without wanting to get in the middle of an argument between you and your husband, I am generally in favor of acceptance of people's different styles, and finding the strengths in them. Perhaps this already identifies me as an optimist, LOL. But having said that, I read a book some time ago about the positive power of negative thinking. Here's more about that subject: [psychologytoday.com]

In the book, the authors anecdotally tracked at least one "mixed" couple that worked fairly well despite opposite styles.

I don't think pessimism is useful to anyone, including the pessimist. I used to be one myself, using the logic that if things went well, I'd be happily surprised, and if they didn't, I'd be happy that I was right. But what I found was that self-fulfilling prophecies are everywhere, so I changed my mind. I'm much happier for it, too.

As a pessimist, I am disappointed in your hubby's answer. So, I'll offer my own;

A pessimist's predictions can only produce two results;

1. Things turn out as expected ... no surprise.
2. Things turn out better than expected ... pleasant surprise.

An optimists predictions do not turn out as good as often.

The benefit to you as a pessimist's partner;

1. You'll rarely have to bail him out of trouble, he's already thought of the contingencies.
2. When he doesn't express pessimism, you've likely located a good investment.

And um ... yea ... optimists don't make good partners for pessimists ... It's always such a pain to bail them out of the situations they get themselves into.

Again I think it is the dynamic of the partnership.
I think optimists sometimes don't anticipate things going any other way enough so to have a realist tempering the expectations can sometimes be helpful. However, if you always see it as a buzzkill then it probably isn't going to work.
My ex and I had a strange dynamic as she was very optimistic about some things and very pessimistic on others. When she was overly optimistic I would inject some realism/pessimism occasionally and totally was a buzzkill for her.
For me I am usually pretty optimistic unless I feel my partner is overly optimistic then I shift to a more balancing role. It definitely caused some strife for us at times. I think it is a pretty natural reaction for me but I tried to stop myself when I could. It never bothered me that she was often a bit more of the realist on my optimism because I had usually considered the other side but choose to live with a positive tint...not sure it works perfectly but I was ok with it

Opposites do in fact attract. But keeping the band together is a different story.

I'm a realist and I'm quite optimistic about it.

Eric Idle: ? always look on the bright side of life?

So...about this cheerleader thing....do you wear the outfit?

My wife is the pessimist. I find it dragging. “Can you be anymore negative?” Is a question that I often ask her.

There is a third category..."realist". Optimists in general do not have a realistic outlook on life. Most people in the world live live is desperation. Those who are "optimists" generally have not yet had their lives come crashing in on them yet and somehow think life will always be the White picket fence, two wonderful kids and a dog, forever. Silly-ass fools...that is not what life is.

Dan and I have much in common - we haven't had an argument yet. Are we optomists or pessimists? Both anti-Fuhrer Trump and vs everything this Administration stands for.

I think soem people find tht opposites compliment each other creating more of a balance in their lives. That would create more stability in life and I think that in itself, at lest for some people, would be attractive.

If you're a pessimist and thinks work out better than you expect them too, you can be pleasantly surprised. If you're an optimist you must be getting disappointed a lot!

Would you say that there is a difference between being sardonic and cynical, and being a pessimist?

I would say that a pessimist could keep an optimist from biting off more than they can chew, iow a pragmatist.

Nobody wants to be around a negative person. I reject men who bitch about their ex-wife and/or moan about their sad life on a first date.

It's not my job to rescue a man. The only person I can change and control is myself.

I have done years of therapy to get over the pain of being sexually and emotionally abused by my first husband, and being constantly criticized by my alcoholic father.

LIfe is made up of choice and chance. Yes, bad things happen to good people. We can choose our reaction and behavior.

A born optimist, I find the wonder and joy in life. The infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand, the joy of tasting a juicy, ripe peach. Intense, playful, passionate and determined, I have fun every day.

I love hiking to alpine lakes surrounded by white glaciers and jagged mountain peaks. After dark, I look up and feel awed by the glowing Milky Way and billions of sparkling stars. We all need more low-level ecstasy in our lives.

I’m really not sure which I am. Definitely idealistic enough that I’ve kept an optimistic streak of some sort but I’m cynical and realistic enough to realize it’s usually disappointed. But I’m a glutton for punishment so I’ll start anything new optimistically until it disappoints or fails me again, rinse and repeat.. ?‍ I can sorta get behind either mindset depending. If I had a beautiful, optimistic lady cheering me on I’d definitely be closer to an optimist though. Opposites attract n balance each other on certain strengths and issues but most fundamental outlook on life type things should probably be similar for a happy relationship.

It depend what those opposites are.

I thought you were divorced.