Focus on the kids and stop thinking with your dick. Look at how you feel towards your wife and how she feels about you. If you or her decide you aren't good together move on with your relationships and stay a father to your children. If you try to "stay together for the kids" it will just make things worse in the long run....

You had an affair. What do you want me to say?

My concerns were always dismissed. Sex was withheld for over a year. I tried to get us into counseling about 4 years ago. It worked...for about 3 weeks. I bonded with a co-worker who was going through similar stuff and we began an emotional affair that we both came to regret. I told her that we needed to go back to our spouses and really work on things; we are both doing that now.

Our first counseling session this go round (with a much better counselor) went AMAZINGLY well. We're already 10x better.

Thanks to those here who didn't belittle and kept an open mind. Your support here is very appreciated.

Ok so, this summer you basically cheated in a manner that is worse than if you hired a hooker one time. It’s fall and you think you should be allowed to be back in the bed? Why aren’t you thinking about your wife’s feelings? If my husband did what you did, he would be contritely eating shit for the next 6 months and it would take years to regain that trust. You really got your just desserts. Sleep on that air bed and deal with it, and instead of focusing on what you are feeling, try to find out why she wasn’t “meeting your needs”? Perhaps you were doing something or not doing something that made her withdraw.
I stopped having sex and conversation with my husband when he continued not to do housework equally and when he would go off drinking with his buddies spending MY money as he earned less than me and let me carry the bills. All women have their reasons for withdrawing from her partner.

I had an emotional affair near the end of my marriage. I wasn't looking for it, but when it became available to me, I found it impossible to say no. I had been neglected in every conceivable way for years. And I did everything in my power to try to connect with him. After marriage therapy morphed into divorce therapy morphed into individual therapy, my therapist was shocked that I didn't have an affair years ago.

I'm not telling you this because I have advice for you, you've already said you're starting counseling. I just thought if you knew you weren't alone, you might feel a little better. And if people want to shame you without walking in your shoes, feel free to tell them to fuck right off. We all have a path to travel. I wish you luck on yours. I hope you find a way to get your needs met, whether that's with or without your wife.

Not enough data to give a detailed opinion. An emotional affair was not the way to handle it. You probably ought to explore why you couldn't simply discuss it. "My needs aren't being met, this isn't working for me, we need to talk it out." If you were simply afraid to confront it that's arguably one thing, if you didn't want to, then that's a bit of a red flag.

If you're not given to polecatting then maybe you just drifted into something inappropriate by slow degrees without really consciously planning it; on the other hand, following the path of least resistance was not a good idea, as you already have noticed.

Hopefully your wife will, after cooling down, own her own role in this (she has one, even if it's arguably the smaller one) and will talk with you. You might need a referee of some kind (marriage counselor perhaps).

Good luck. It might end up being a good thing and a positive turning point for the relationship; it might be the end. Depends on a lot of things, some of which aren't under your control.

Be Dad regardless. Sometimes parents function better separately.

I just have to ask,everyone keeps using that phrase,what exactly is an emotional affair. Does that mean you were just like hanging out with the other person for like emotional support or did you actually do the naughty

Every story is different. There are things you both will have to figure out yourselves. I hope things will work out, there are plenty of possibilities. Regardless the outcome, you both will ALWAYS be the parents and that's the most important piece of the puzzle you need to focus on. What can be done to help them go through tough times and what not to do to hurt them. Hope it helps

You both as a couple and individually need to go to counseling to deal with this. BTW...be prepared to get treated like shit, cuz you're a man. Now if tables were turned, it would still be your fault for not being sensitive to her needs and emotions. Such a double standard misandric society we live in.

Sounds like you didn't physically cheat, and was seeking someone to connect with emotionally? So her answer to the problem is kick you out of your bed and be more emotionally distant? What steps is she taking to work on her failures as a wife that made you feel you had to seek closeness to someone outside of your marriage? BTW...if the the affair was with a he, would you call it an emotional affair, or just a good friendship you were close too and trusted?

To many unknown variables for anyone here to really have any legitimate input, IMO.

I'm no expert... but I think the question is, do you honestly want to continue to have a relationship/marriage with this person or not? If you feel like you would rather move on and turn a new page, then I'd work on respectfully getting a divorce, dealing with this change with yourself, kids, and wife... and end with hopefully, peace, love, and respect for each other.

Leave. You are prolonging your misery. In my 63-year life I've never seen a patched marriage that was more than convenience, an occasional fuck, devoid of lovemaking, love, tenderness, trust.

It will take time and patience, you have betrayed her trust. The fact that she has allowed you even sleep in the same house is positive. If you felt your emotional needs weren’t being met did you not try talking about it with your wife. I have been around a long time and have heard all the stories I ever wish to hear from about who are not having their needs met. I bet you told the other woman that your wife didn’t understand you! Is there a text book that you guys read? My advice is...talk to each other, most marriages get stale at some point after children come along, women are programmed to concentrate on child rearing for a few years, it sometimes makes their partner feel neglected but discussing how both of you feel and supporting each other gets you through this. Going off and having an affair is definitely not the answer. Now you will have to put up with a gradual journey back into your wife ‘s good grace again, and learn from this mistake.

Keep everyone happy by deception. Secretly go back to having an affair without your wife knowing. That's what I would do

Do you want the marriage, or are you just staying for the kids? If you just want to stay for the kids, then go ahead and get a divorce. If you could cheat so easily on your wife, it's not a certainty she'll ever trust you again.

Married men are always coming to me with their "problems" with their wives, but I just laugh at them, knowing they are just angling to get some action on the side. I would never date such a man.

Counseling is a good idea, and I’m sure you’ll be asked about what changed, and when. The kids are your world? Then where does your wife fit in? And does their being your world mean you do as much daily parenting as she does, including housekeeping and monitoring social calendars and school projects? She likely has needs, too.

We start counseling tomorrow. ?

I second counseling. My ex had a few emotional affairs ... always found a way to weasel himself out of counseling.