I honestly don't understand why so many people are trying to be "nice" about this.
She didn't create the problem, HE did. Why should she be going out of her way to be "nice" about dealing with this?
That is EXACTLY why sexual harassment in the workplace has become such a huge problem.
STOP being "nice" about it. Make HIS life miserable. He's an asshole.

The fact that you're here asking means he's gone over the threshold. You are uncomfortable with the situation, and you should not have to put up with this situation to make a living. Forget the notion of not making this a big deal, forget the notion of hurting his feelings, your security in the work you do is critical. Tell him to back off or you will report him.

Don't worry about creating tension. As a former Director of Human Resources, this man is sexually harassing you which is illegal.

1. Report his behavior to his supervisor.

2. If you have a human resources director, report it to him or her.

3. Clearly and loudly tell this man to stop touching you.

4. Keep a log of each time he made you feel uncomfortable or touched you against your will. Document:

date; time; location; what he did, who said what, witnesses, etc.

you're not the one creating the tension. there is no polite way out of this. here is the proper plan:

1. unfriend him on facebook.

2. tell him not to touch you on the shoulder or anywhere else, ever again.

3. tell him that you will not converse with him except as business requires. follow through and pretend he has not spoken if he makes things personal.

4. report him to highers ups if he doesn't back off.

5. report him to police if he stalks you.

g

Threaten to tell his wife publicly, if he doesn't stop, and if your employer doesn't
handle it to your satisfaction.
Print out all communications with him. Show him you have it (have copies in case he snatches what you show him--cover your ass).
Tell him if he doesn't leave you alone, and not interfere with the
work environment, you will give his wife everything.

Get a lawyer and prepare to sue him and your employer. You might need to.
Especially since his behavior is effecting your work environment.
Who knows? He may have done the same thing to some of your coworkers.

When people start shit with others (bullies), they don't expect their victims to fight back. I don't believe in simply fighting back. That usually doesn't put a stop to it.
You have to come back with scorched earth. Blow up their world. They don't expect that.

STOP being nice to assholes. Ruin THEIR lives. They don't care about what
they do to yours.

I would ask, very gently, why you've let it get this far already and why you don't know what to do about it. I don't want to suggest that you've done anything wrong. He is in the wrong. However, you have had the power to put a stop to his behavior at any point and you have chosen not to.

Consider this. The work environment is already tense. Who's feeling tense? You. He's the one who created a tense work environment, not you. Why do you feel reluctant to make it feel tense for him instead of for you?

His comment about your pants was inappropriate, not you wearing the pants. But instead of his comments ending, you wearing the pants ended.

Him asking you about going to the work party was inappropriate but again, instead of you insisting he change his behavior, your behavior changed.

Again I want to emphasize that you haven't done anything wrong. I've been where you are at and been unable to put an end to inappropriate behavior in others. There will always be people around you who are willing to push boundaries, men, women, and children. Even though they are the ones in the wrong, you still have to be the one who puts a stop to it. I've learned to do so and my life is so much better for it.

It's not a change you can make overnight but if you work at it, you can get to the point where when people do things like he's doing, you instantly shut it down. But you have to first know that it's okay for you to do that and that it's possible to get to that point if you work at it.

I'd like to also mention that his behavior is wrong whether he is married or not. His marriage makes it more offensive but even if he wasn't married, he's still being a creep. As you deal with this, don't make it about him being married.

I would tell him straight out I"m not interested and you are making me feel uncomfortable. If you don't stop saying these things and contacting me i'll report you. Warn him.. so at least he knows how you feel
..

Back in the day I handled this first by saying "I don't date co-workers". Period.

It later bit me in the ass with single co-workers. lol
But in today's work environment it's not a bad way to present it.

If it happens even once more? I'd say go to a superior. Frankly it's harassment. That's why companies have seminars.

As an RN who’s had to endure more than enough of this disgusting behavior. You are not in the wrong here. He continued to take advantage of a situation. He overstepped the professional relationship with the moment he made an inappropriate comment and touched you in an inappropriate way.
Whether he is married, single or engaged does not factor into the equation.
You’re trying to rationalize his irrational behavior. The guy is a pig, it’s not complicated.
Has anyone else noticed this behavior? The last thing you want to do become a subject of gossip.
When you do report, you go directly to HR.

If you are around him for any reason, keep an eye on your beverage! He appears to have no boundaries and may be targeting you because you do not speak up...the fact that You felt "embarrassed" by his mentioning your perfectly legit workout wear troubles me!
The correct, fair thing to do is tell him, Once, in short, pithy words, 2 simple declarative sentences max, that you do not desire this type of attention, and that if it continues you will go to HR. (Your posting here, BTW, should be a "proof", if HR asks, so good going!)
Do Not answer His questions, wheedling, etc. after saying your piece! Jjust walk away after delivering this message, as staying/listening will allow him to spin another web around you, and give him more excuses to harass you. And make no mistake, this IS workplace harassment!!!

This is harassment and against the law in the workplace. Report immediately to Human Resources.

If you have any of this communication from him in FB msgs, elsewhere, save all of it. In at least 2 safe places.

Tell him you already have one asshole in your pants, and you don't need another one. there is no comeback for that. If that doesn't work, HR.

Inform him that what he is doing is legally classified as sexual harrassment, and there are policies in place concerning that behavior in the workplace. Futhermore, you respect his ability as a fellow nurse, but do not appreciate his "compliments", and if they don't cease you will be forced to lodge a harrassment complaint with HR.

He sounds horribly manipulative and dishonest. The fact that he's as willing to hurt his wife by cheating speaks to his gross lack of character. I wouldn't want to even be friends with this creep. I pity the poor woman he tricked into marrying him. I'd give him exactly one warning to back off before reporting his behavior.

HR and wife, contact both. It is disgusting behavior and should not be tolerated.

No whether or not he has an 'open relationship' or just cheating on his partner/spouse NO man has a given right to accost ANY woman what-so-ever.
To my mind, he's just being a dirty filthy perv and needs to brought into line asap.

Do u want my American answer or my Italian / Greek answer ? Bcz I can give u both :
First of all , unfriend him on any piece of media u have an account on .
Second , do your Pyxis rooms have cameras ? If they do , ding ding ding bingo bingo bingo ??
Do ask him to waste the next drug w u . And wait for the comment . When he opens his f mouth , tell him to " consider this his final warning . If u ever approach me again at any way and with any other word / comment / compliment / physical , be prepare to face HR . "
Say it , and no need to discuss , move on wasting drug . This is the one camera at any hospital that can easily trace back .

The Italian / Greek way : listen u motherf , u touch me again or u even talk to me again , and I ll make sure your wife will shove your dick into your ass while u filling applications for new employment .
Can u say that ? Man , I wish I was there for u !

And . These type of assholes can twist everything . Take shots of msgs he send u . And . Honestly , u need to let HR know . U r not his only potential food . He will do again to someone else . And that , IS IMPORTANT TO FIGHT FOR .

Only you can decide how assertive you are comfortable being. I work in a hospital and have had a lot of come ons from married men. In my hospital, when docs have affairs the partner gets fired and the doc gets a slap on the wrist. When a doc asked me if i liked being choked i asked him if his wife enjoys it. Another married doc kept asking me to go places, and every time i asked if his wife was coming. He said she didnt have to know so i said that if you're hiding it from someone you care about, it's wrong. I find that continually looping their inappropriate comments back to their spouse makes them get frustrated and move on. No rocking the boat. Its not like HR will do anyyhing at my hospital.

You are being sexually harassed. Save all communications, and take it to HR.
He is the one creating tension FOR YOU. Don't be concerned with how this will effect him. HE is the problem. HE is making it "weird". Hoping it'll go away isn't going to happen.
If you don't have an HR department, take it to your supervisor, and to his supervisor, if it's not the same person.
He is making your work environment uncomfortable.
Do not accept blame for something that is NOT your fault.
Don't worry about how this is going to effect him. He isn't remotely concerned about how it's effecting you.
Good luck.

Politely tell him that you are not interested, that his attentions are making you uncomfortable and that he needs to restrict his behavior to activities and comments typical of casual work friend and coworkers. (Reasoning: one of the first questions is going to deal with how you responded to his comments and advances. If you haven’t told him “No!” Your case is weakened— even if it should not be.)

Keep that list up to date and current.
If you can, do that in text or email and save it. Save it it with a full list of actions(as you described them above as a start) with as much detail, date, place and time and witnesses, if any, as you can. (Reasoning: information, as noted, is important to making your case. Make it specific and contemporaneous.)

Save that info, etc. If he does not stop the behaviors that make you uncomfortable, politely tell him if they continue, that you will have no choice but to complain to your company.

If it occurs again, then, file a formal complaint with the appropriate magemrnt offici/officer.

Good luck.

Tell him to stop and that you are friendly only in a work sort of way. Be firm but polite and then watch him like a hawk. Watch to see if he is going to lie on you or undermine you in any way. If he does, then you have to take this to a higher level and that is not always fun because it affects the work place situation. Some men take a hint. Others are total assholes.

My original comment was sent at 57 comments and counting... now it is 91. I don't know about this guy or how you will decide to manage going forward but boy, at least you should thank him for getting about a zillion points on this thread !!!

I would do this.... Have a conversation with him in private. I would tell him that you are uncomfortable with his advances and don't really want to be the "bad guy" but will go to HR if he continues. If he tries to play it off as "one friend complimenting the other" then tell him you are uncomfortable with his compliments as you see it as more than that. SHUT HIM DOWN!

I'd also unfriend him (or whatever you call it) on FB. All he is going to do with that is fantasize anyway...

Just explain if this doesn't stop that you will go to his wife with your complaints