I'm a great believer in the reality that one life is too big for one person and needs to be shared, whether it's as a community or as part of a couple. The idea that individuality depends on isolation, which seems to be the subtext of many of these comments, is not only inaccurate but a sad credo to adopt as a lifestyle. As someone who has isolation enforced I can attest to its debilitating affects and it saddens me a little to hear it so vociferously advocated.

What I know is that when I was young and single, I was happy some of the time, unhappy the rest of it. I had friends, hobbies, school, work. Then I met my late wife when I was 36 and we clicked. Liked most of the same things, got what each other were really about and shared many good experiences until she got dementia in 2011. Since then, and esp. since 2015, when she had lost her personality and most of her mind, I have been pretty unhappy. She died two years ago. Who wouldn't be unhappy in my case? I just know that my first 12 years with her were the happiest of my life. I would like to meet someone compatible, not a clone of her, and have that shared life again. I don't think that I am that unusual or that my being unhappy is some sign that I haven't finished grieving her death and moved on. I have. I started grieving her death more like four or five years ago, when she lost most of who she was.

With all due respect for your lifestyle and happiness, Jolanta, don't assume that I am wrong or dysfunctional because I want to have a partner again. Neither you or anyone else on this site, none of whom have ever met me, know me well enough to make that judgment. Some are happier sharing their lives with someone special, some aren't. I'm the former.

If you really believe this then why would you want to be in a relationship? I feel like maybe I don't understand what you mean by happy?

I am quite content being this.

I have been perfectly content most of my life. It appears that I will continue to do so. Life as usual, and me still finding reasons to laugh...

I am relatively happy. I have friends, family, and fun activities. I am curious about the world. Yet, I do do still miss the feel of a man holding me. Is that so weird?

I agree.

Completely agree -- marriage or committed relationships just give you more of what you already have ... if you're depressed or anxious, you'll be more so ... if you're content and hopeful you'll be more so (assuming the relationship isn't toxic), etc.

Although, it can happen by chance that a good relationship can serve as a catalyst to move a person to a better place. Or even that a "bad" relationship can so serve. For example, my first marriage was a nightmare but taught me the things I needed to understand to make my second marriage far better. My second marriage ended in my wife's death, but she gave me many gifts, including "permission" I had never had before to truly be myself. It is fair to say that I was not completely "happy as a single" until my 3rd marriage, and even then I would say that there was a little remaining FOMO (fear of missing out) that still had to bleed out of me as that marriage still resolved a minor amount of personal anxiety around FOMO. Finally, in my sixties, I can truthfully say that if I were to have to fly solo again, I would be in absolutely no hurry to remarry and it would in no way be an effort to improve my quality of life; in fact, at this late date I'd have some concern it might complicate my life and reduce the overall quality.

Very very true!

You are absolutely right about that. Some people learn that the hard way

True, true, true

If you're happy and you know it.....

Very true words before you can be happy with someone else you have to be happy with yourself ?

Agreed.

I believe that happiness is a choice. I've known people who seemed to have enviable lives who were miserable, and others who were happy in circumstances I couldn't imagine. Being single or 'taken' is just one of the circumstances that play into the evaluation of our lives. For some people, they prefer to be involved with someone -- others are happier without.
Another perspective is a bastardized version of Buddhist principles which say that what makes us unhappy is our wanting things (including situations or possessions). If we focus on being satisfied with what we have, we won't be unhappy.