^^This

What she said.

Wise advice, thank you!

Insecure people don't change, at least that has been my experience.

@Sticks48 They won't change until they face and conquer whatever internalized issues caused the insecurity

“you’d rather walk away than cause her pain” is a graceful exit line. Perfect.

According to her, I ruined her for all other men.

@Unclehotrod If she really wanted you, she would have contacted a lot sooner. It sounds like she wants to see if you will do what she wants. I just don't think that would be a good idea because if you do she will believe she can get you to do anything.

@kiramea Agreed. Why wait a year? Maybe she didn’t attract anyone else and is jealous. It’s a bad scene.

Pretty much what I told her, I can't do this anymore.

I thought I had heard them all.... Fucking hilarious! Excellent!

@Gooniesnvrdie They aren't related, they aren't in a relationship. He isn't going to fix her insecurities regardless. If he chooses to stay, great. If he doesn't, hey, if it's consensual what's the problem?

@Gooniesnvrdie Having consensual sex is a frat boy thing to do. Got it.

It takes two to tango. Sex should never come with expectations, other than ... you know, orgasms. If she says yes, how is that dickish? And what's wrong with having one last fling? Sure it's not romantic but I mean -- and I doubt this is surprising -- people like to have sex.

@Gooniesnvrdie Now you're blaming men for being the victims of assault because they had the nerve to have consensual sex.

Not just that, you've implied that people who are insecure and jealous are unstable or crazy, something OP never did.

I get it, I've heard that phrase. "Never stick your dick in crazy." But who's talking about crazy people?

@Xuande sounds like ‘using’ people, to me!

@Xuande there are ‘crazy,’ people who aren’t all that obvious at first and then there are people who make themselves crazy trying to discern the ‘mixed signals, from a love interest! Not, a good plan, not knowing the true nature of a person and respect in spite of your own lust! (By the way it is not blame, that is placed at the feet of men, it is just a reminder to men...it is not good if you allow ‘lust’ to override logic...it could have a disastrous component.)

@Freedompath Since when was it only the man's responsibility for everything about consensual sex? Does the woman in this scenario not have the right to clarify a man's intentions if she chooses? Doesn't she have the right to decline entirely?

Come on. How would y'all feel if I said:

"It's not blame we place on women for being beaten with a baseball bat, it's just a reminder, it is not good if you allow your lust to overcome your logic. There are crazy men out there, it could have a disastrous component. It wasn't a good plan to sleep with him the first time, not knowing his true nature."

At the risk of mansplaining, sex isn't a mixed signal. It's doesn't now mean "you know, maybe this will work out between us" anymore today than it ever has. We lack some context in OP's post, but again ... if she's down for a fling, and he's not promising anything, who is hurt? Who comes out of that a loser? Why would she be banging his head with a baseball bat, and why is that apparently somewhat on him?

Nothing changes because the gender roles are swapped. If someone you have sex with comes back and assaults you, it didn't happen because you allegedly sent mixed signals, it didn't happen because you weren't a good enough judge of character, because of their insecurities, or their trust issues. It happened because that person is a fucking scumbag. Full stop.

@Xuande we all are responsible for our own actions...granted! First of all, no person is a ‘scumbag,’ in my belief system, there are just people who make very poor decisions...very poor! And they bring up anger, lots of anger in other people! Tell me, where is the blame to lie, when your ex- has an affair with your mentally ill sister and mother...when you were a struggling young mother of 5 children?
You can use more ‘real world,’ experience...not just sexual conquests to build on!

@Freedompath We will have to agree to disagree on scumbags.

However, if I'm reading your example right, it's pretty easy to place blame in your scenario: The ex having an affair with the mentally ill sister. Yeah, that was pretty easy.

I do understand.

I have a friend that's I've had a relationship with (on and off) for 30yrs. Even-though I love him dearly, I had to break it off because my priorities were different than his. That was two years ago, and I still miss him terribly.

I agree.

Let's say she "says" she's over it. I can pretty much guarantee that every time you even look in the direction of a woman she will accuse you of sleeping with them. You won't be able to look at them, talk to them, nothing.

Personally I wouldn't put up with what she's doing now, much less what she probably will do if you two get back together. I don't consider jealousy an admiral trait to have.

Really just bang your head on the wall it will feel better.

See my comment above

@Donotbelieve That is so incredibly sad though. It is hard opening your heart again but the reward is so worth it.