Just recently was pretty much forced out of a relationship. The reason... she found out I was an atheist. I’m guessing I’m not the only one I could use some words of encouragement right about now.
I know it's tuff to leave a relationship especially when you have strong feeling for that person. A couple of years ago I dated this women whom when I met her I knew she was a devoted to her beliefs, but to be honest I thought she be may be the one. She convinced me to go church with her and after a period of time I gave in an went. She knew I was a non-believer but it was good between us I had hoped it would work. It didn't of course, I remember sitting in the pew, it being a Evangeical Church where they waved the arms, jump up and down and I felt like fish out of water. Then they had the preacher going around healing folks, He stopped in my pew and said "can I pray for you brother", I was in a state of shock and all I could say is "I'm fine thanks", It seemed like everybody in there suddenly went mum, He walked away saying "He's fine, He's Fine" I'm grateful the silence didn't last long. But in those minutes I realized what I had to do. On our way back to her house I told her our differences were to great and wasn't able to cross that bridge and I told her it would be unfair to her and unfair to me. The Point I'm making is to thy own self be true. I traded short term pain for knowing that in long term it simply wouldn't
work out. Like you I seek a relationship which would allow me to find that one whom our beliefs are nearly alike not perfect but close.There will come a day down the road when you may realize what happened was for the best, hang in there it will happen that I know. Oh it hasn't happened for me, ha, but I'm glad it happened then and not 2 or 3 years later, the pain would been some much worst. Good luck it's one day at a time, you know that.
Were you hiding that fact (your lack of belief) from her? It seems to me that if you were in a relationship with her, you would have been talking about the big questions in life, including whether there is a god and what you do or do not believe about him or her.
Some churches make a big deal out of being "unequally yoked" to a non-believer. They think that close contact with a non-believer will lead the believer astray. That may be why she ended the relationship. She didn't reject you, she just doesn't think that you and she will be able to support the same goals and lifestyle in the long run.
It is of course painful now, but in the long run you are probably better off to seek a partner who shares your views. Atheism is still seen by many as signalling a willingness to be immoral. Atheists are NOT immoral, of course, but that is a widely-held misconception. So you need to seek a partner that shares your views and does not hold them against you. That would be a wise and independent woman, and she may be somewhat hard to find, but she will be a great partner when you DO find her.
Good luck and chin up!
Unequally yoked was her exact word actually... I am sure that is why it wouldn’t have worked out, I am not too broken up about it just wanted to get my thoughts out and this seemed like the place to do it.
In any relationship there are core issues that I have to address: religion and food choices are 2. Many times, on this site, we have said it is neigh on impossible to have a meaningful relationship with a religious person.
So you knew her beliefs but hid your own. You deserved to be dumped.
She never let on like she was religious other than culturally, as soon as the topic came up I told her. I did the dumping after she demonstrated her intolerance. I don’t mind if poeple think differently from me
@hwidtyayth thats not how your original post read. Good luck finding someone new, it's a challenge.
Was she mad because you were an atheist, or because you concealed it from her? Big difference!
I didn’t hide anything but I just don’t introduce myself as an atheist. I will tell if asked but other than that I don’t bring it up
It was because I was an atheist, she said she couldn’t be with someone that didn’t believe in god.
@hwidtyayth you have had a lucky escape, she sounds Very controlling & rigid.
Thanks for all the comments and support/suggestions. Didn’t expect so much interest. I live in the south so I don’t really feel comfortable discussing this topic openly.
If you differ on something as basic as that, then with time you would have found out that you had a lot more differences, because the religious mindset is so completely different at a fundamental level. And by that time, you could have committed to things together that would be painful and expensive to pull back from. It may not seem like it now but when you look back in future years, you will know that you have been lucky.
Ive been there, back in highschool I dated an open Jew. But when I told her that I was a big spiritualist, she dumped me. It happens to anyone, if people can't take the truth, then she wasnt meant for you. Theres more people out there, you’ll find her.
if she can't handle the truth its time to move on to greener pastures
You have to be able to live with yourself, first. "To thine own self be true." Bible quote? How ironic. If you're non-religious and she's religious, and she's not able to get over it, she's the wrong partner for you. Good that you found out. Better to know, than to not know. Now you don't have to waste any more time with that one. You have to opportunity to move on.
Remember that openness and honesty are the foundations of any good relationship. While there's nothing wrong with forming a bond with a believer, you need to be open about who you are and the other person needs to be able to accept you as you are. You also must accept that person for who he or she is. Otherwise, any relationship is doomed from the start.
Welcome. That sucks; I know it’s a shitty feeling. On the bright side, if you previously had to hide something that fundamental about yourself to keep her, she did you a favor cutting you loose. You can be who you are now. Did you become an atheist during the course of that relationship or did you feign religion to snag her? Cause no woman is worth all that. Anything that shifts the narrative more toward honesty is gonna be good for you in the long run. Enjoy your freedom for a while and then try again with a nice heathen lady later. Good luck.
It just had not been a topic we discussed. I have been an atheist a long time and most people around me know so I thought she already knew when we started dating but I guess I should never assume