I have thought long and hard today. I trust he is being faithfull sexually to me I am sincere when I say if he needs to fill other peoples cups at times I'm okay with that. However. I'm certain my cup needs filled and in fact it should be overflowing by now. I teach people how I should be treated. This situation while not ideal to me should have and could have been handled differently if he had really wanted to. He made the choice to do it the way he did it. I will not come in 2nd place. I will not sacrifice my needs. This coming week will tell a lot. I'll update later.

I hope you will move on from this guy. He is trying to make you feel guilty to get his own way and probably end up leaving you in the dust. I hope you haven't invested much time in this person.
My situation about two years ago was that I had been dating a man for a year and totally out of the blue one day he tells me he has been in touch with his former fiance and he wants me to give him about a week with her to see if he really wanted her back - and if not then he'd come back to me. Well I told him he had all the time in the world to see her because I was out of there. Things like this give a lot of insight into ego, and selfishness not to mention a lack of respect.

Dump him: go out with me.

oh, that's a harder call than some seem to understand. when you lose one of your kids it's a pain that can often only be truly shared by those who experienced the child together. I know it sucks but if you care for the guy at all I'd try to be open about giving him a chance still. It is such a hard thing to get past.

Card, flowers, hugs, condolences, maybe even dinner... but a weekend getaway? Fuck to the Hell No. Hell to the Fuck No.

This is going to be part of his life forever. Do you feel that he has enough emotional depth and complexity to have non sexual relationships with other humans, without it changing the fundamental loving relationship with you?

This is very "high risk" because she likely doesn't respect his relationship with you as much right now, more than she just feels her own pain and wants to be loved. So she's likely going to "do things". Acting likes he's some sort of helpless idiot ith no ability to say no, and no self control, would be wrong. But you might have more insight than he does. It really comes down to how much you trust him.

I'd say give him a chance to shine. Either you'll find out this was a bad relationship overall, because he has too much baggage, or you'll find a level of adulthood you're both comfortable with.

Sounds like he is not over his ex-wife. I would dump him.

Sounds kinda fishy to me!

Her son or their son? Maybe a small distinction, but . . . . Sounds like they still have unresolved issues that preclude him from being ready for another relationship.
Pretty sure that if I ever took my ex on a weekend get away, I'd later be considered a suspect.

I would find a new boyfriend. I was there for one of my ex wives when her daughter died but it was only a phone conversation.

That would end our relationship.

I would say that he looks at your relationship as one of casual dating. Obviously there's no commitment. She has not made any friends in the last 11 years?

I wouldn't do that to you. Thats horrible there are other ways like maybe organising a getaway for her and one of her friends. Why would he expect you to be alright with it?

I would not be happy.

I wouldn't like it but what are the sleeping arrangements?

I don't know how to answer this. I know people who have committed suicide. I know their parents. My brother-in-law was a marine, and I've been in rooms of parents mourning their children. It is gut-wrenching. I'm tempted to ask "how long ago" since you said "a while ago," but the devastation from an event like that just doesn't go away.

Was the guy you're dating there when this went down? How long did he know the son before he ended his life. Was he up front with you about what his plans were? Does the ex cause other turbulence in your relationship? Those are things I would want to know if I were asked to give advice.

I'm very intimate with suicide. It's happened in my life, I've spent hours in rooms with parents who've lost their children... It's one thing to have a child die... and that's hard on parents too... but to have a child take his life, this creates a whole other set of challenges.

I feel like I really need a lot more information to understand what's happening.

Not enough info. I guess it partly has to do with how long you have been dating him. If you have only been dating a short time and don't live with him then keep your opinion to yourself. You don't own him. If you live together then say no. If he still goes then change the locks.

Not cool. Spending a little time with her might be comforting, but a weekend away, not good. My guess is, if you were okay with it, you wouldn't have asked us our opinions. I'm sure it hurts but before you do anything rash maybe you should suggest to him why that's not making you feel good and discuss it with him. Are they getting separate rooms? Why a whole weekend? If he can't answer any of those questions, that will give you the answers you need.

Weird emotional territory, for sure. With plenty of other ways to express support and grief, I think a weekend getaway is a strange choice. Red flag!

Listen to Paul Simon. " 50 ways to leave your lover "

That is an extremely tough situation.

In the end, if the son was their child, I'd be a little open and allow it. Hopefully, the weekend get away is just for that: grieving. After they come back, his ex needs to find a counselor. He needs to grieve in his own way too that doesn't involve his ex wife. He is not responsible for her. Though I have not experienced losing a child, I cannot fathom how that might feel for the both of them.

Also, of you notice something different (between you and him) when he comes back, tell him. Don't stay quiet.

Run away, the way you say that it is her son not theirs and I'm almost certain it will cause problems in the future.

They share a strong bond, and strong pain... no child should die before the parents!
Perhaps he needs the time as much or more as she does.
Bottom line, do you trust your feelings for each other? If he was going with his brother or sister (the uncles/aunts of the child) would you have a problem with it?

Weirded out?

If you posted you comment then you have concerns. I would suggest to trust your gut feelings. Perhaps that will answer your quandary.