Bingo. The way to find a better person is to become a better person.

@mischl the implication of course is not that you're not good enough. that isn't what i meant at any rate. just focus on being who you want to be rather than finding someone else to complete you.

g

"Twitterpated" LOL I like that

@TheoryNumber3

Reminds me of Tweety Bird.

Expectations can certainly be implicated in killing many relationships.

I’m still struggling with wondering if there’s just something fundamentally “wrong” with me that I’m just not lovable

@Marcie1974 no there's not i think it's our culture and society, etc. Im trying to learn to be happy alone in the present but it's hard for me too.

@Lauraleigh39 for me I’ll think the way I mentioned because there so, so little effort my ex would have had to put in for me to have stayed married to him, but apparently I wasn’t worth 30-45 minutes of his time a week or an occasional hug. Don’t get me wrong, I’m eternally grateful that we got divorced because I wouldn’t have been happy. But still, I was asking for so little.

Ultimately I know it’s his issue and 99% of the time I’m fine. But that 1% when I’m especially lonely or down is absolute hell

@Marcie1974 You deserve better!
Let that be your mantra!

@RavenCT I’m not settling ever again.

@Marcie1974 you are absolutely loveable. There just happen to be a lot of blind and dumb people about and they're not the type to see it.

Just start dating men your daughter's age.

Young men love older women and they love to learn.

Boys want girls real men negotiate for love with peers

@Athena opposite also lol

Question?

Remember in your young age, would you have ever thought of dating anyone like your fifty or sixty year old uncle or aunt?

Of course not!

Now that we have reached that age, we still see with those youthful eyes!

@of-the-mountain that's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard.

@Athena young guys will do anything that is pretty

@OpposingOpposum
Of course if you are a complete moronic idiot!

@Athena Did that...with a guy six years younger for nearly 16 years. After I taught him everything he knows, he wanted out...to date younger women. I am DONE.

@ReadyforaChange

I really do understand why you feel that way.

Most relationships end at some point (we all have several of them that end). During the 16 years you were with this man and teaching him things, you were enjoying the relationship as well. He may have chosen to date younger women when it ended but many people do that after relationships end. You made no mistake to help cultivate the man you wanted to be with at the time.

Similarly, there are women out there right now helping to shape and mold men... maybe one of them will find you and you can thank HER for all her hard work.

Wouldn't that be nice?

@Athena Hi again. I think it's sweet how hopeful you are, but truthfully, only half the time I was with him was happy. The rest was just work. I am happier now, being single is not a disability...it's freedom. I kind of like it.

I like this actually it makes alot of sense. I have had guys do this with me but it did not turn out well lol. Still yeah don't hide your worst aspects put them out in full display to save time.

@Lauraleigh39 Well toilet paper has to come over the top not under. I brush my teeth in the shower. Farting burping is natural body functions so why be embarrassed about them. Lieing is another thing I hate! I am going to be 65 soon I am not going to change! Not a neat freak but not total slob either. Clothes will get into the dirty clothes within a few days if they don't get there right away. Prefer t-shirt and jeans. Do have some clothes for good occasions. Next girl freind will have to be totally non worshiping stance. No gods, devils or other creature or substance. Since this is not a full disclosure will stop now andsince we will never meet this should give you food for thought LOL.

@Lauraleigh39 The protagonist was too crass to have that much self-awareness and the bit about going to strip clubs and lying about it doesn't fit with all that aggressive honesty either. Still ... I concede it would help if people at least made an effort at full disclosure, however imperfect. It beats being on your best behavior until it exhausts you and they find out who you really are.

There are certain things i'd want to know early on... like whether or not the person is going to be praying around the clock, whether they're politically progressive or regressive, and if they're living in their car or with their mother. Those are deal breakers for me... and it would be a waste of time not to know those things up front.

@benhmiller your list is at least the basics. TP under is oh so pretty, and oh so annoying and wasteful..... And that is just the beginning,...

I get that....but you know what? Some people are just wired to need a deep connection with someone.

@Marcie1974 with each failed attempt is a lesson learned, hopefully. Ask yourself, am I choosing the same kind of men and why; what are my own ripples....are they too big, too critical, too demanding? At what point in the relationship does it go from good to not so good...is it after sex has become a part of it? So many questions to be asked and answered before taking another relationship step. Personally, I’ve stopped looking but I’m older and have had such a wonderful life (2 love relationships), and friends and memories to see me through.

@Namaste yes, for the most past im picking attractive men...men i would want to have sex with. This may be my downfall but I don't want ot date someone I do not want to mate with...

@Lauraleigh39 get to know someone you are not physically attracted to and their kindness and good nature will become attractive to you.

@Lauraleigh39 if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got!

@Namaste I can't seem to rationalize to myself dating someone Im not attracted to in an attempt ot mind hack my relationship goals...in the end I feel like i would just be leading them on and when it came down to physical interactions i would run and hurt them.

@Lauraleigh39 Looks like your on the hamster wheel then. Best get used to it!

@Geoffrey51 i don't agree Ill run my wheel til i find someone I am attracted to and also mesh with. I believe I can. Im don't think I have to give up physical attraction to be happy.

@Lauraleigh39, @Namaste @Geoffrey51 i absolutely learn lessons. But I think some people are looking at this too simplistically. I’m guessing OP wrote the post in a moment of frustration and doesn’t feel that way EVERY second. Seems like some people are being very critical and assuming she has to have a man to be complete.

I don’t need a man and as time passes I’m more and more comfortable doing things on my own. But you know what? It would be really nice to have someone too. I’m the type of person with a few close knit friends. They have husbands and kids at home yet so it can sometimes be only once or twice a month I’m with someone (a female friend) where I’m able to have meaningful conversations, as opposed to more superficial conversations at work. I’m a friendly person but don’t necessarily make friends easily. Or at least meaningful friendships.

I guess I’m just trying to say go easy on people when they say their lonely or frustrated with dating. Sometimes they’re just venting their shit and don’t necessarily want or need someone lecturing them to that they can’t rely on someone else to make them happy. Most people know that. Doesn’t necessarily make things easier.

@Lauraleigh39 that is normal for both sides. You don't want to spend time looking for romance with someone who does not get you going in the first place.

Perhaps they had daily talking/texting prior so this is out of character for him? I get where she’s coming from, especially if he seemed really interested

Four days now and no it's not that big a deal but I do feel he's lost interest maybe and I may not hear from him again. So when I say move on I mean I let it go and forget about him and talk to other guys or whatever. If he resurfaces fine but I can't worry about it in the meantime and obssess over it.

@Marcie1974 yeah he was hitting me up muliple times a day and it felt good

@Lauraleigh39 I feel ya! It’s confusing and for me it can be difficult to let go, even when I know I should

@Lauraleigh39 The ghosting. I hate that. And it happens over and over, especially on dating sites. Talk and text like crazy, maybe meet up, everything seems great, then gone. So hard on a girls heart and self worth.

@crazycat329 so, in any of these communications was Money mentioned (in any way, like, I need to buy a gift for my niece, what would you suggest)? And you declined to "play"? Lucky escape!

One of the best things I did was take a break from dating. I still would like to find a relationship, but I’m much more confident going out by myself now

my flow leads me to desire another. Its just how Im built.

@Lauraleigh39 , I don't do well on my own either. My fiance died a year and a half ago, my girlfriends are usually busy with their own husbands, boyfriends, children, grandchildren...and I just freaking need/want a male partner in crime to hang out with and love and do things with. It's how I'm built , as well, and at my age of 63, I'm not going to be changing. It's just what I want and need.