I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sucks when family doesn't get along. Rest assured you're not alone. Do what works for you, concentrate on the people you care about, and limit your time with the rest.

I am sorry, I have no advice except, if you decide to go, keep it short and don't drink alcohol.

I thought mine was bad. Now that my parents are both dead, I can now avoid seeing my siblings for a while and that's what I plan to do until one of them or their spouses die. I do have a cousin near Chicago that I would like to go see sometime that is a cool person, as is her hubby. I also have my godparents in California who are old and sick, probably the next ones to die. They are richer than God and think that Reagan was the best prez ever. Not sure if I will bother going to their funerals or not. I admire your guts for going to the party even tho you are struggling.

Go on Friday to visit her and give her hugs. Make up some lie to tell her why, much as you want to and indeed would love to, you can't make it Saturday.Open heart surgery, launching liberal revolution, whatever. Have some lone time with her, share a couple of good memories and hit the highway. Win for aunty/win for you/fueck'em all for crazed relatives.

Wow. I feel like I need to make a flowchart to keep track of all that drama.

I do hope you are able to find some safe space.

Sometimes it is a good thing to suck it up and be nice to the old people.

Especially 90 old.

You don’t have to stay there for every, go for a while and you will make your aunt happy. Remember that it takes two to tango, so look at what did you add to those situations.

I don’t have a close family or extended family, not because we are all angry and disagree with one another, we don’t. We just live all over the place and getting together is difficult and unnecessary as we are all extremely independent. One thing I can suggest is stop thinking it’s you against them...and think more like “us or we”. Find some commonalities. That does NOT mean to go to the reunion. Oh hell no. Just find commonalities on a one on one basis. And then be happy you are independent of the other bs.

Families can suck.I said it elsewhere that often the DNA link puts you together with people you wouldn't be interested in otherwise. And I think we all seem to have rightwing moonbat relatives. Your aunt is 90. I would be tempted to go see her, even if just for a hit and run meeting. (you can tell the righties you have to leave to go to a Planned Parenthood or AOC fan club meeting). If auntie wasn't approaching her personal endtime, I'd say skip it but since she might go to that big FOX show in the sky any time, it might be worth saying hi/bye to her now.

It can be boiled down to this: the richer people get, the more they want to keep what is theirs.
They become prone to an ideology which casts poor people as parasites.
They become vested in keeping the system "as is," since their wealth depends on it. A revolution of ANY kind is the last thing they want!
They embrace religious groups which flatter their wealth, tell them it means god is rewarding them for their intelligence, hard work, perserverence, and goodness.
This is human nature.
When in doubt, human beings ask first, what is best for them as individuals. As they get wealthier, ideologies change to fit their changed circumstances.
So don't blame these people for their beliefs and attitudes. It takes very special people to go against their own self-interests, AS THEY PERCIEVE THEM.
Rightly or wrongly, they are simply taking the path of least resistance, doing what comes naturally.
In my opinion, agnosticism changes the game. But they better get there (and keep it to themselves) BEFORE they get rich. Afterwards it's often too late.

Does singing Let It Be Let It Be Whisper Words of Wisdom Let It Be....help ?.....yeah listening to Carly Simon 46 years ago I thought I would be a beloved grandpa teaching boys to be MEN and girls to be FREE... REALITY rarely fits the poem or dream desired.....sounds like you are a good person refusing to snipe or control like others....go to the 90ish birthday party if they have reefer to smoke booze on ice or a high school sweetheart is good at protecting you from Rrruusssshah dingy Crazy GREEDY LIMPboss radio cult liars dittoheads

I would SO find something else to do ! Find somewhere to volunteer your time, go to a good park, and walk - far ! , visit a friend, invite a friend, go to your local shelter and visit the animals there - walk dogs - they'll love it ! Be kind to yourself. Breathe, meditate, do yoga. You've done nothing wrong !

If it was me I would go with a full load of facts but any decision you make I would also back for it's your decision to make. Be strong, best wishes. And good luck!

You sound like me! I haven't had any contact with my dysfunctional, illiterate, reactionary, "family" members in probably 20 years. Nor do I care to!

Save yourself and the money and go for a nice long hike in a park or something, assuming the weather is nice. Or, if it's not, just go for a drive. Flip a coin to pick the direction and go for it. Drive down roads you've never taken and see where they lead with the radio and air-conditioning turned up and sing at the top of your lungs. Get somewhere where you have to use GPS to get home. It's incredibly therapeutic.

Families can be very difficult to understand and keep the peace with at times. I have a difficult situation with my oldest son's wife and it does make any family get together for birthdays holidays or anniversaries very difficult. I have chosen to stay away from the oldest son as he supports his wife in her cruelty toward me. Sometimes you just have to write them off and move forward with those you can get along with in the family. Sending hugs your way.

If it were me, which I know it isn't, I'd be telling the lot of them to taking a flying leap into a rolling donut.
I'd definitely skip the old aunt's birthday thing. I wouldn't give the old bat another thought. I'd also be skipping her inevitable funeral, too.

Good luck.

I would skip for sure...

I can only say do what you think is best for you. I personally would not go, I have no family left that I talk to very often at all. This is sometimes lonely for me but I do enjoy not interacting with people who would see others suffer so they don't have to pay taxes etc!

1. Just because you are related to someone, doesn't mean you are going to like them, or have to be around them.

2. Your specific problem, a woman of 90, who will be hurt by your absence.....go, hug/shake her hand, wish her well, leave. Total time invested, maybe 30 minutes(including parking). When she leaves this earth, you will be glad you did.

3. Stop interacting with these people!...see #1, above.