All you will be when you die is remembered. Kinda sucks, really, but those memories can have a positive and long lasting effect on others, so there's that.

Others deaths are scary things for us. Takes a bit to work through it, but rest and reflection help.

My cousin died a few months ago and then my uncle died last month. At one time in my life I was very close to both of them. Especially my cousin, whose death hit me very hard. I saw everyone around me embracing religion for comfort, which I just met with silence. It seemed surreal in a way. I never considered turning to religion for comfort myself, but I saw how others were consoled by it and sometimes wished I could. But it's become so far removed from me and my life that if I did I would not be me anymore, if that makes sense. I would be faking it and I would know I was.
I have found ways of understanding a certain "life after death", but it's all philosophical and not really comforting at all. So it wasn't helpful at all.
It has gotten easier for me lately - I was very depressed for a while. But now I'm fine.
Maybe not at all the same as what you are going through. But maybe hearing it may help in some tiny way.
And I think that if you do find yourself able to find comfort in religion then go ahead.

Lingering painful deaths bring their own kind of relief. I just survived one with my husband's cousin. He was religious I hope it gave him the comfort he craved.

My husband was not religious and he also lingered and suffered much during his last days. He did not cry out for forgiveness or an afterlife but accepted his lot as I hope I will accept mine. My husband did have the comfort of knowing his wife and family loved him without boundaries.

Yeah it's hard dealt with this with mother from cancer but she was a sweet loving mother get drunk or high it helps

I was with each of my parents at their time of death. I want to believe they knew I was there and that in someway I comforted them. Their beliefs were very different than mine but at that moment I needed to be there for their needs in their way. I do believe that energy cannot be destroyed only changed in form - so who knows what is what. You did a good deed being there as support for your friend. That is very special to give for the good of someone else.

I'm very for your friends loss and your pain also,. All I can say is stay strong and positive these friends of yours need a friend more than ever now . Sending positive thoughts. I definitely agree on the God delusion

As an agnostic, I do not presume to know that there could be something that survives, nor do I presume to know that nothing does, I consider it an open question that no one can answer, and I have no problem with leaving it as a mystery, because that is what it is. The whole universe is really just a vast and seemingly endless, countless bits of energy, and we are all part of that, mystery and all. When science unravels what really constitutes life, how exactly it forms and dissipates, and can create it, perhaps in the form of artificial intelligence, then we will know with certainty.

Your consciousness lives on only in the things you have written and in the influences you have had on others while cause them to act or think in specific ways. Other than that, I fully and easily accept that my consciousness ends at death. Death is a peaceful oblivion or nothingness.

Be extra gentle with your heart ...

I think once we realize there is no immortality we then seek to make the most of the life we have. Most life forms and even many humans don't have that luxury.

Condolences....

Hugs , Hon .

Your brain will not 'shut off' .. let it ramble. I believe that .. although our physical bodies will eventually decay and go .. the soul, the core of an inner being that makes each of us unique, will continue to be.

I am holding you in my heart and sending positive energy to you. Rest well, you need it.

I think there is some comfort in the idea, "We go back to whence we came." Even if it is oblivion, I don't recall being inconvenienced in the least while I was there.

Dying at home of congestive heart failure claimed my dad and my Teri....low pulse low respiration low blood oxygen asleep without CPAP nor oxygen they simply did not wake up like a wall clock battery the time ticks twitches a bit lingering those last few moments and stops.....away in the kitchen mom was fixing a nice dinner ....walking into waking dad there was no snoring no REM no rising chest to suck in air.....Teri was found by a close friend sitting in our loveseat watching the movie I bought her...hospitals are so sterile monitors gently beeping occilloscopes jiggling up then down or flatline when the signodes unplug OR register the end of life.....a crucifix on the wall prEyer cards stand on end next to telephone and water cup table....the smell of bleached floors and micro waved blankets to keep a patient warm....an IV morphine drip for pain is palliative....sorry sympathies for any Atheist to bear these deep draining times with religious mourners and the dying that claims us all someday

Letting it out is always good. There's nothing we can do but listen. Give it time.

yes, the real loss is with those remaining. Sorry for you and your friends loss.....

There is a segment of Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson talking to Heather Berlin that talks about this, there is also another one with a mortician-writer about alike subject. Check these out.

She's not suffering and neither are her kids. Win win

I think you are confusing spirituality with religion. I don't think anyone here has any problem with one's personal spiritual beliefs, at least I don't.

I simulated all night about my homeland. My sister, 8 years my junior, has Alzheimer and is in assisted living. I am planning to fly to Europe this fall. Scared to meet with her, because I don't know if she still remembers me. It's so very painful .. emotional for me. In the war, I carried her on my back to the air raid shelter. Going back makes my heart feel happy .. but leaving is a different story ... I wish I could stay, It is so hard to live on two Continents. I remember ..was only 14 years old ... when everybody was sitting in the cellar praying and I ran to the attic and found 2 incinerating bombs smoldering on the wooden floor. A big container of sand was standing nearby and I took the shovel and poured sand on the phosphor that ran towards me. I ran down again .. yelling " Stop praying ...the house is on fire ..your God is not stopping it" Today I think different about it. We humans need something to cling to, something that gives us comfort in our moment of despair. It's alright to call out for help to a higher being if it gives strength and comfort.