Hello there, newbie here. So glad to finally be in a place where I know I won't hear "pray for him." ... I just got a call from a former friend who I hadn't spoken to in a long time. He is in an ER waiting to be medically cleared for detox. In other words, he is currently to drunk to enter detox. I have mixed feelings about talking to him at all, our last few talks were annoying because he was always drunk and I called him out on it and stopped communication. When he called today he cried out "Don't hang up.Pleeeeze don't hang up" (like I did a few months ago when he called last time.) I said nothing, but didn't hang up. He then said, "You're right, I'm drunk 24 /7, and I'm here in the ER waiting to get cleared for detox. " ... I want to support this man's sobriety, someone I cared for very much in the past, but I am so, so sick of drunks and addicts in my life that I could puke. My dad and brother were drunks as well as a few partners. I've also had my own addiction issues in the past (15 years clean!! woo hoo!!) And like most drunks and or addicts, he's a great guy, just needs to get and STAY sober. ... Is trying to support his sobriety too much of a slippery slope? My sobriety is not in danger, but I know all too well how quickly I can get worn out and exhausted dealing with those who are struggling with substance abuse issues. Also, everyone will be telling him to use the 12 Steps (which I abhor and did NOT use to get or stay clean) so I wonder - if he ever gets that far - if my support is what he needs? Please, to those smart and compassionate folks out there, tell me what you think.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Very tough call. Your compassion and love will win, I can tell. You will support him as best you can but it will be tiring, exhausting even, at times. It has to be tough love and he will probably be quite demanding, but first and foremost you have to look after yourself, that is your first duty...to yourself. I hope he manages to keep himself off alcohol, I suspect he will be put on some programme after detox using Antabuse or some such drug. I have some experience of having been there myself with my son, he found the 12 steps useless because he was an atheist, he really struggled getting the support and I hope your friend is more successful, because sadly I lost my son who took his own life.
Marionville
Level 10
Nov 1, 2019
3
Oh my goodness, thank you for sharing your deeply personal and certainly painful experience. Loss of life is always the greatest fear for all of us who love an addict. I truly want to believe that any person can win the fight, but know well that the fight is too often lost. My friend does have faith in the Christian God and he may find some healing and comfort there, but my deepest concern is for those like your son and me who do not believe because we are automatically directed to the 12 Steps and that will simply never work for us. ..."God" can not be the only cure for such a dangerous, devastating, widespread and fatal problem. No other disease is approached or treated this way. Thank you for taking the time to reply and helping me learn that this may the greatest test of balance between my self love / boundaries and my compassion for others.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your son, and the nightmare you both had to go through with his addiction. I can't imagine experiencing that depth of sorrow.
We've historically allowed religion to play medicine by calling addiction a choice (or a demon) with god as the only cure. Hopefully we're moving in a better direction with support and medical services available and accessible.
>if he ever gets that far - if my support is what he needs?
A reluctant yes. Tea and sympathy helps those under stress.
Be prepared for those late night calls.
WonderWartHog99
Level 8
Nov 1, 2019
1
Yay, you for 15 yrs sober! I don't know that your sobriety would be in danger, but he could be emotionally draining and leave you vulnerable when you sound like you've been carrying your share of addicts for awhile. Tough love may be your best advice to him until he's at least through detox and committed to sobriety. I can only imagine how hard it is, so hugs whichever way you decide to proceed.
Lauren
Level 8
Oct 31, 2019
3
Whatever you decide, make sure that you take care of yourself first.
A2Jennifer
Level 8
Oct 31, 2019
3
Yes...important point,
That's tricky... I would wait until he's out of detox and support him via phone for awhile to see if the detox had any lasting effects and also find out if he's in a program whether residential or outpatient... Be careful.. Protect your sobriety first...
Cutiebeauty
Level 9
Oct 31, 2019
4
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