So a poly guy decides it is ok to enter into a marriage without disclosing beforehand? Yeah, real decent of him.

I hope that when the Mrs finds out - and she will - she hires herself the best lawyer she can get, and puts that hunk o' burnin' love's ass through the wringer.

Sorry, but any guy who would abuse his wife, which is what cheating is, is not a mostly decent, kind, conscious and empathetic human being, He's a dirt bag who knows how to pretend to be a mostly decent, kind, conscious and empathetic human being. Karma needs to kneecap the bastard.

Leave his wife. He might not want to, but it would be the decent thing to do.

Commit to the monogamous marriage or commit to the polyamory lifestyle. You can't have it both ways. It's unkind and unfair.

He is being a selfish prick and he is denying her the opportunity to make an informed choice.... he wants to have his cake and eat it too.... if he truly loves his wife, he will respect her choices and tell her about his polyamoury and let her decide if she wants to pursue this lifestyle with him or go be with a monogamous man. Poly people that do that kind of shit to monogamous people are terrible and give poly and open relationships a bad name. They need to cut that shit out!

Oh no he is NOT "empathetic", not in any way! I WAS THIS WIFE! When I found out my hubby of 33+years had been screwing anything not nailed down, and now had found "true love" (good luck to you, new girlfriend!) I had to have intensive therapy for a year because I had lost every "reality" I thought anchored my world....a simple statement by someone, like, "the sky is so blue today" made me have to literally fight the impulse to run to a window & check! It was Horrible! And this "decent, empathetic" guy has ALREADY done that to the person he supposedly loves. Fuck him & the horse he rode in on!!!

It sounds like you're "asking for a friend".

Can this guy watch the wife he allegedly loves so much go through horrible torture and anguish when she finds out about his duplicity? Because one way or the other she will find out, and there really isn't an option where she isn't hurt. It would perhaps, maybe, possibly, be slightly less painful if she found out from him.

He may want to be polygamous, but he isn't practicing polyamory. Polyamory is a form of ethical non-monogamy where all partners know about one another and consent to those multiple sexual/emotional relationships. By excluding his wife from knowledge and consent, he's not practicing polyamory at all, but merely cheating w multiple people.

He needs to either choose monogamy and stick to it for good, or tell her the truth and face the likelihood of divorce.

His good attributes do not outweigh his one major flaw. If he can't be truly faithful he needs to leave the marriage and do everyone a favor. My 2nd partner was alcoholic. I told her she basically had a love affair with alcohol but she disagreed. Unfortunately (for her but fortunately for me) this issue broke up the relationship. She chose between drink and her relationship. As far as I know she is still faithful to her first love.

Guy is not "technically" a cheater - he IS a cheater (full stop). Guy is NOT decent, or kind, or empathetic. If he were decent, or kind, or empathetic he would NOT be lying to his wife. What he is doing is 100% selfish and 100% wrong. He is making unilateral decisions that affect his wife behind her back and giving her no voice in the matter (he is violating her trust in the most egregious way possible). He is NOT treating her as an equal partner in the relationship. He is deceiving her into believing she is in a relationship that is a farce. When his wife entered into the relationship, it was with the understanding of fidelity and monogamy. If Guy has changed his mind about the type of relationship he wants to be in, then he needs to be honest for fucks sake. What Guy does not want are the consequences of his actions....which is why he is not telling his wife....selfish bastard.

He loves her, he "feels bad". Boo hoo. This isnt some trolly car dilemma, where he has no good choice. Hes just a selfish twat who doesnt want to own his shit.

Honesty is the best policy always - no exceptions! Trust me - lack of it dooms a relationship. They should go to counseling and have a no holds barred session! Then she can decide to accept or reject her partner.

Guy needs to be honest with his wife and himself. You're either poly or your not, and trying to be the one you aren't is the best way to ruin a relationship. Currently he's a fucking cheater and has seriously put thier relationship on the course to a more than justified divorce. She may choose to forgive him, but don't bet on it and it's her choice alone to do so.

Yes, he needs to choose a lifestyle and if he chooses to force monogamy onto himself then he's going to fail. His wife isn't poly and seriously, how unfair is it to try and make her something she isnt?

The guy screwed up and needs to own what he did and will continue to do. He needs to stop lying to his wife and let her decide if she wants to spend her life with him.

What a fucking douchbag.