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My daughter just informed me that my step-son who lives in another state has passed. I'm sorry to hear this but he had cancer and just a short time to live. What I am writing here is my rant about people who disguise death with religion.

In Facebook and other media he is now said to "be in heaven." Where is this place and how do they know? In cemeteries people make this remark minutes after the body is lowered into the ground. It dumbfounds me because they just saw the casket go into the ground. Is heaven 6 feet into the earth? Some areas now have people leave so as not to see the body lowered, but this practice only strengthens a misguided belief about a mythical place.

At the gravesite of this boy's mother years ago the wind rustled through the leaves of the trees and someone said "that's mama doing that." I thought it was the wind and I was not aware that you can die and control this. In fact, it contradicts known science that you can die and yet have some unknown part of you that is alive or in some other place. Since the world around us all has media of all types saying the opposite it is no wonder we all believe it. Nobody wants to die but people in general are so afraid of death that they simply continue to make things up. It gives everyone comfort rather than face the truth.

Any opinions?

DenoPenno 9 Feb 1
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24 comments

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6

You can never overestimate the human capacity for self-delusion. Sorry for the loss of someone you loved. He's dead. He's not making leaves rustle or wind blow and he's not taking harp lessons/having wing-fittings in some celestial halls. He's dead. Grit your teeth and roll your eyes when people babble nonsense about that. You know better.

Exactly, and bells are not ringing when "another angel" gets his wings. In fact, according to the bible people who die do not become angels. The angels were created long before mankind.

@DenoPenno DAMN! Another Sunday school myth exposed!

5

Few popes back , I will never forget ..
that MF did anything and everything he could to stay alive , every possible medical intervention was done then some more .
U will think , “ happy times , hello Jesus , I am coming home and I can’t wait “. Oh no . It was more like “ don’t let me go , don’t let me go , staying alive , staying alive 🎼🎤”.

I have seen parents and relatives of abused and dead children also saying “ she is in a better place . God needed an angel “. And I just walk away . W paper bag for vomit .

Everyone I know , one way or another , sooo concerned with some type of afterlife or reborn . Totally forgetting to live life today . That’s the tragedy .

I hope u and family cope w the loss . Hugs .

5

Condolences for your loss.

At my son's memorial service in 2001, about a week after his passing, a couple of my friends from work were sitting near the back of the facility. They told me the heavy double doors on the side suddenly opened. They thought someone was coming in, but why open both doors? There was no one there. Just as suddenly, the doors closed again. They didn't know what to think. A big, loud storm did come up that night, so it was probably air pressure. When I got home, there was a fairly large tree branch laying where I ordinarily park my car, which I had driven to the service. When things happen we sometimes try and ascribe more to them than what is really there. It was all weather related.

5

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your frustration. Even knowing she was being put underground in a cement vault, my grandmother wanted buried in her best outfit for when she was "awakened." My other grandmother wanted put in her nightgown since she would just be "sleeping." So, yeah, as nonbelievers, it's frustrating to watch. At times, it's added anger to my grief.

I believe religion puts a cocoon around people's emotions, making it impossible for them to clearly feel what they're going through. It makes it easier to control them. After all, someone who feels grief with clarity may actually start to question the status quo, and the church frowns at that.

4

People live on in the minds of those who remember them. That is one reason I like Memorial Services vs. funerals.

@Omnedon TA!

@Omnedon This is one reason I no longer go to funerals! I've attended far too many where the person officiating sees it as an opportunity to ''bring us allllll to Jeeeeesus!" And, I remember one where the deceased was a sweet, dear little lady whose beliefs in the faith never faltered. The minister took it on himself to discuss how we are all sinners, etc. I left!

@AnneWimsey Last funeral I did the pastor just rambles on and on and on to the point where i almost wanted to change places with my uncle in the casket so I wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore and my uncle specifically mentioned that he didn’t want that to happen at his fineral

4

I hate when people say, “They’re in a better place & we will see them again.” Oh, ok. Then why are we all crying? If this truly was the case shouldn’t we all be happy? Smh

@Omnedon true I get that. But, I think the mourning process is still more intense during a death of a loved one. You can decide to hop a ship to move & see your child daily. & if you don’t like it there move back. Whereas, there is no moving back & forth between death. You choose one or the other.

@Omnedon or maybe mourning the death of a loved one publicly is more acceptable than mourning your child moving to the other side of the world. Nobody is going to say anything negative to a person mourning the death of a child. But, I’m pretty sure if I mourned my child moving to the other side of the world my friends would say, “Shut the fuck up you pussy. They are right there. Go see them. I don’t want to hear this crap.” 😂

Your comment reminds me of that line in a Blues song, "Everybody wants to get into Heaven but nobody wants to die."

4

There is nothing wrong with seeking comfort in the idea that one never dies, but live on in some nether world. It has brought comfort to mankind since the beginning of time and it is not likely to change anytime soon. It is no more off the wall than the idea of reincarnation for sure. Not someplace I would want to go anyway if it did exist. Can you imagine the billions of people there? And do you go the age you are or the condition you died? I'd rather deal with zombies! LOL. But if it helps people grieve and get through the trauma, let them have it. It certainly doesn't hurt you in any way.
I had a friend at work one day we were discussing our religious or lack thereof beliefs. He said he was a believer because he could not fathom that his life would end after however many years he got to live and there had to be something else after. I found that to be the height of self aggrandisement and told him so! LOL I feel many people feel this way though, that no matter how long a person lived, there has to be more. I accept death as a part of life it is. It is the great equalizer and spares no one. You may be able to avoid taxes, but there is no avoiding death and all the praying, believing and faith to the contrary, you are going to be just as dead as I will be at some point. Enjoy life while you have it.

Spot on, heaven is a comfort to people and much more romantic than good clean unemotional physics.

your last line says it all for me. "Enjoy life while you have it". Yes life is crap much of the time. Inevitably it is a struggle. But what were the chances of you being born at all? How lucky to have had this chance. So make the most of it. Embrace it, take a risk, challenge yourself and be grateful for who and what you have in this life.

@MsDemeanour, I always figure no matter what is going on in my life there are a whole lot of people out there that would love to have the life I have. I used to tell my Dad when he was constantly complaining about his health issues: “the fact that you wake up every morning, put your feet on the floor and stand up puts you way ahead of many people your age.” It’s all in perspective.

@MsDemeanour The fact that our ancestors survived long enough to produce us is mindblowing especially when you think of what they had to endure thousands, and hundreds of years ago to be able to do that. It really is a once in a lifetime chance to be here.

4

I am very sorry for your loss.

I cannot stomach all the ridiculous nonsense people attribute to the dead.
Most of the time, I ignore it.
If pressed, I'll give my honest position about it.
I usually warn whomever is pushing the issue that they aren't going to
like what I have to say.

If it's people I love, I really try to avoid those situations.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially when they're already hurting.
I've pretty much stopped attending family funerals.
Luckily, I live pretty far from most of them, and no one expects to see me at
family functions.

Again, my deepest condolences.

4

I'm sorry for your loss.

4

If we were taught, from the time we realize what death means, that when we die our atoms and energy return to the earth/the universe, thus allowing other life to exist, and that we are a part of life that existed prior to us, we would accept it. And, even though death would still seem scary, we would likely find it comforting. It really is a form of reincarnation--only we do not come back as a single life form. Our energy and atoms become a part of many other life forms; and, there is no soul, or consciousness, that survives.

But, instead, in Christianity, we are taught the we will continue on and will be with Jesus and those whom we love, forever; and all of our struggles will have been worth it-- so, the thought of no afterlife is terrifying to them.

You're right, @Joanne. Giving up the belief in an afterlife was one of the hardest things for me to do as I transitioned into an atheist. But it helped that I saw a beautiful symmetry in becoming a different part of the universe.

@Lauren I'm not sure that I gave up belief in an "afterlife" since I'm in the "don't know" category. What I know is we give up the body. Don't know about that which caused the body to be mobile (spirit?). In science class they taught that energy could neither be created nor destroyed. I always thought energy was what causes the body to be able to move around. Don't know if consciousness remains with the energy or the whole thing dissipates. "Don't know". Just something to think about.

You probably will be with Jesus forever as he is also dead. Regardless of feelings you would have that much in common with him.

@david75090 I allow that my knowledge is abysmally limited, so there are countless possibilities out there that I can't begin to understand. However, I'm pretty much positive that consciousness does not continue in any form we would recognize. But I'm good with that. It was trying to integrate the myths of heaven into logical thought that always caused me confusion.

3

The problem is not the ritual of death, but the BS that gets shoveled in.

3

This is very profound and resonates with me incredibly hard. I've had .y father pass away last month, and the same was said by relatives, despite it contradicting all known physics. So rather than celebrating his life, it was all about some mystical God.

When someone dies, their elements go into the environment, just like where they came from, and it's a cycle that has happened trillions of times previously.

The issue is that such truth is not as romantic as heaven, nor is the truth powerful enough to control behaviour as much as hell.

I'm saddened for the loss of your father.

@dare2dream Thank you for your condolences. Prostate cancer that had spread. Wasn't very nice, especially towards to very end. I view life differently now, and try and live in the now.

@Vpatel My dad died too of prostate cancer that spread.

@dare2dream I too am very sorry to hear that. Please do accept my condolences and sympathy. However recent or long time ago it was, if it's anything like my experience, I know that the emotion very much stays with you.

I like the thought that my particles will go on when I die. That is in itself life after death. Maybe I'll be part of the wind someday.

@RhondaShotwell It really isn't a good thing. At the moment, trillions of particles have been gathered from the environment to make 'you'.

While you are 'you', you cannot be some other creature, like a chicken locked in a cage, or an elephant circus chained and forced to perform.

When you die, some of your particles, because there are so many, and because they will be dispersed so far and wide, will, over millennia, become part of other animals that will be subjected to pain, most likely by other humans in the near future, and by other species in the far future.

But the issue is, that this process can never ever be escaped. If you make yourself into glass, eventually, it will break, and become silica again, which will be consumed, and so on.

Enjoy this one life at the top.

3

Deno.

I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you this day.

2

Sorry for your loss.

Most Christians would argue that lowering a body into the ground, or even destroying it through cremation, makes no difference since it is something invisible - the spirit - which goes to heaven. They all somehow believe, however, that that spirit returns to a visible form in heaven, that we will 'see' and 'meet' them again.

Someone has already mentioned the overcrowding that would surely become problematic, especially since - these days - it would be exacerbated by the presence of millions of cats, dogs, budgerigars, hamsters and so forth which they somehow believe will go with them. My absentee brother's first comment when I notified him of the death of our mother was how he had a 'beautiful thought' of all her deceased pets coming to meet her as she crossed the 'rainbow bridge' (whatever the unbiblical fk that is).

As to subsequent manifestations, I remember a devout Christian (an elderly indigenous Australian sent by Christians to England as a child in order to Westernise her) telling me that my newly dead daughter had appeared to her, held her hand and told her she was 'all right'. It did not occur to her that I would feel troubled at the idea of the daughter I loved appearing to her and not to me. And being present at the death of a friend I recall her own daughters arriving and one of them maintaining that she should have known something terrible had happened because her own freezer had inexplicably defrosted that day. A good friend (online) posted about the joy of a mother visiting the grave of her dead son and having a robin alight upon her hand. After all, it was her son's favourite bird. (a) the robin is pretty much everyone's favourite bird, and 🍺 the robin is either the bravest or the stupidest bird in existence since it very quickly accepts humans and will often feed from the human hand.

The comfort of insane and inane beliefs troubles me very deeply. I think of the hundreds of thousands of young men who have died in combat in the last hundred and six years who were sacrificed by many in the belief that 'We'll meet again, Don't know where, don't know when'. Having come to terms with the finality and totality of death, even rather looking forward to my own, I wonder how many parents would have allowed their kids to go to war if they themselves understood that finality.

I know I will never see my beloved little girl again and it is the sort of pain one cannot express or escape. That is the reality.

I see some emoticons in my text which I did not put there and don't know how to get rid of. Apologies.

2

I came across this statement by a physicist a few years ago and think it suits the definition of life after death, or rather continued life.

[futurism.com]

Interesting and very touching article/eulogy makes me want to make a will so some version of this is read at my funeral

2

Ultimately some people do not want to think that they aren't going to see their loved ones again, and that they themselves will no longer exist some day.

2

People believe what they want to believe especially during times of stress or grief. So they believe happy thoughts and fantasies regardless of any evidence or lack thereof.

2

People believe what they want to believe.

1

It's always so hard when someone we have had parental feelings for, even remote ones, dies. I am very sorry.

Deb57 Level 8 Feb 4, 2020
1

If it comforts people to believe it, let them believe it in peace. You have no idea what happens to us after we die.

Muton Level 2 Feb 3, 2020

Yes, I do have an idea what happens to us after we die. We are dead.

1

“We can judge our progress by the courage of our questions and the depth of our answers, our willingness to embrace what is true rather than what feels good.” - Carl Sagan

1

I am annoyed that after this post there is nothing to add. Shame on you! I am sorry for your loss. Best wishes.

1

Yes, I agree, it gives people false comfort. I'm not sure if they are afraid of dying so much as no longer being or of losing everything or soneone completely. But if it's our death it won't matter because we won't be aware that we're dead because we'll be dead and if it's the death of someone we love, suck it up. It hurts but you can learn to live without them. I appreciate your pain as I'm about to lose a loved one myself.

1

I am so sorry for your loss. You have correct views on religion and death.

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