My line is that I don't discuss religion or politics at work, but if they want to buy me a whiskey, we can discuss it at happy hour BUT I get to talk first.

Part of my volunteering at the homeless shelter, is that some of the places we go to to get donations will have us fill out a form. Not that unusual, more like where it;s going and such.
But every now and the some of the places on their forms will have a section of. " do you take the lord Jesus Crist as your savior.
I fucking hate that because If I just lie, and check 'yes' then all is good, except they put me into a position that I have to lie. Because if I were to say "no", then I'll get an ear full of preacing, and then some.

IMHO, wht the fuck does believing in a 'god' have to do with any thing about helping others. Just my .02 cents.

Yeah, too bad you were at work! Otherwise "oh, yeahhhhh I'm a lover of Jesus baby! Can I tell you about my fantasys? They involve midgets, leather and the LORD! Praise! I want to Feeeeel the Lord inside me! Glory!"

My urges to mock and make fun are just as strong as theirs to preach. When asked if I love jesus my replies go something like this:

"Well, we were in a pretty serious thing for a while but in the end he turned out to be a real asshole..."
[shocked looks here]
"....sorry if the cuss offends. Anyway this bastard of a buttwipe stole all my money and one of my credit cards...."

Religio-freak interrupts: "No, what i mean is...."

Me, interrupting back: ".....THEN he rented a convertible... with MY money of course.... and drove it down to Telladega to bet on the races. Again, with MY money...."

"No, no, I'm talking about our lord and sav---"

"Oh NO, the best part is yet to come! jesus buttwipe has the NERVE to come back to me with the yeah sorry love ya babe, dunno WHAT came over me, take me back yadda yadda....."

"NO, miss, I mean have you been SAV--"

"OH was I SAVED all right! By the COPS! Cuz when I told him to fuc-- I mean, flake off, ol' buttwipe bastard started beating on me something awful, even threatening to kill my parakeet Charlie! A PARAKEET, can you BELIEVE it?"

"I AM TALKING ABOUT THE LAWD JESU---"

"I KNOW you are! This guy aint all he says he is, honey. And he would've killed me if it weren't for his sweater getting caught in the garage door opener. So there he was dangling until the cops showed up...."

"Never mind."

"Just as well, Charlie never did like him, anyway...."

If I was on my toes, I might day "Cheeses? I like cheeses."

Or, "jesus who?".

It’s about them because if they have “Jesus” that validates them that they are a good person. An elderly neighbor asked me to go to church I said no thank you I am a proud atheist.

"why, what have you heard?"

"I have never slept with anyone pertaining to be Jesus, good day madam!"

It sucks when that happens at work. People who would corner a person at their workplace and inflict that crap on them are assholes. If it happened when I was in just a certain mood, my response would probably cost me my job.

True Story..... I saw Jesus.
A couple of years ago I was in the Motor Vehicles office renewing my Driver's License. I along with others had to wait until the clerk called your name to come up to the desk. As I was sitting there waiting the clerk called "Jesus Christ"...."Jesus Christ" ....and a Hispanic looking man stood up and went to the clerk to get his license.

Several times at work I've used the line "I don't talk politics or religion at work"

My view is that people look for sociological acceptance, and attempt to join the "alpha" group. It doesn't just apply to religion, everybody wants to "belong" somewhere. Their beliefs in religion are used as a "social glue", in exactly the same way that people get together to have a drink, stoners hang around with other stoners, people that work together talk shop to each other, bikers join gangs, and people from the same neighbourhoods hang around each other. Religion has nothing to do with god, be it sentient or not. It has everything to do with sociologically uniting the masses. The people that raise the "god is great" discussions are looking for acceptance and validation that they are part of the "alpha group", and by enlisting you to their beliefs, or determining that you have similar beliefs to theirs, they are validating, and justifying to their egos, that they are part of the largest, most "right", most powerful group, backed by the most powerful entity, the force that created the universe. Generally, I just agree with them, it makes them feel good... but I have had completely arrogant pricks try and jam it down my throat. In those circumnstances, the conversation generally goes like this,
"Jesus loves you, and you aren't grateful enough about it."
"Yeah,I know, but Jesus was a polyamorous homosexual, and told his disciples to be gay, too."
"What?!? That's BLASPHEMY! How dare you say that! How could you even THINK that!?!"
"It's right there at the last supper. Jesus walks in, strips off, lies with his disciples, gets up, washes their "feet", which was a custom that wives did for their husbands when they got home, at the time, and says, "Love one another as I've loved you."

It usually doesn't end well...

christians can't mind their own business

Are you a lover of Cthulu? The god that made your puny god and killed it it in 1837.....

I used to work in a very red neck region and for my own sake I decided to say that at work I would not discuss religion, sports and politics.
I had to deal with so much crap... before every single gathering they would say their grace. Ugh!

That's terrible. So sorry.

Next time tell them that not personally as you have yet to meet him in the flesh.

Try changing the subject.

"I'm an atheist," I say. "Please stop talking about your religion."

It rarely works. Proselytizing Christians are a pain in the neck.

I will say that I don’t talk about religion or politics especially to a stranger. My beliefs are my business, not yours.

Feel for you, and agree completely, been there, done that.

Simple...next time say, "I hate to interrupt but I have work to do. Take care." Then walk away.

I had someone ask me that. I just told them that I don't talk about religion to strangers. If they continued I would tell them again and ask if they needed anything else. If they didn't, then I would say I needed to see if anyone else needed help and excuse myself.

I hope your revelation does not affect your employment. Please accept my condolences for what you had to endure.

I suppose you'd have been disciplined for saying "If I wanted an imaginary lover I wouldn't pick a virgin who lived with his mum til his thirties"

A better reply would be "I do not discuss my personal business [while at work]".
If feeling aggressive, try "Why do you want to know?"
Actually answering opens you up immediately to this kind of crap you got.