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I'm feeling emotional pain.

Family conflict.

Not anything over-the-top,
not harsh enough to make me move out screaming and slam the door behind me,
but still, pretty serious.

Yes, part of the reason is conflict over religion,
but also over medical advice.

I'm feeling the pain.

I feel bad,
about trying to write this post,
because I know,
from experience,
that if I give you,
my readers,
enough detail,
we can have a warm and supportive interaction.
But, for various reasons,
I simply don't want to give you the details.

So, here I am,
asking for emotional support from you,
and I know,
I'm making it hard for you.

But, please,
just fill in the blanks,
with stories from your own life,
or stories you've read online.

Think of those conflicts,
between atheists and conservative Christians,
think of those.

And write me a comment.

Tell me you care, and you want to give me a hug,
and ease my pain.

Tell me that,
and I might just feel a little bit of what you send me.

Thank you, in advance.

Thanks again.

bigjac 6 Mar 18
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19 comments

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0

I feel your pain.
It's a passing phase. This too shall pass.
Hugs. Love
And never forget to first n foremost..... Love thyself πŸ™‚

1

I’d run away, I always do. Good luck, sometimes it’s easier to love people from a distance.

0

Hang in there. Come here any time to vent. We care about you.

SKH78 Level 8 Mar 18, 2020
0

without specifics, all I can say is that love is not the sole prerogative of either side. But it is available to both.

1

As a birth atheist I never had these conflicts about religion as most folks are religious. So I just permit them their beliefs as they permit me to have mine. Thusly I have no friends (accept here). & it saves me a bunch of grief when they inevitably attempt to convert the nonconvertible. =O}

1

I don't have to know details to empathize with the stress and frustration. Hoping you are coping.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 18, 2020
2

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I can say that there are a few questions for you to answer for yourself. Can you love this person even if you are disappointed in them about something that feels critical.For many of us the answer is "yes", but it may not be for you. The next question is tougher. If you can love them, you may not be able to be in relationship with them. I have a full heart of love for both my exes, but that doesn't mean I can live with them.

It is very hard to sit by while others are harming themselves; and it sounds like that may be an issue here.

2

That pattern from your family is not going to change. You will have to find emotional support, satisfying personal and working relationships elsewhere. And you will need to find satisfaction through setting productive goals and actually accomplishing them. I know from experience. I empathize with you.

If the pain gets worse and becomes a nearly disabling grind, you will have o consider leaving the relationship(s) that are inflicting the pain on you.

2

I do feel your pain. I’m an atheist and my wife is Pentecostal. My wife’s best friend is Pentecostal and my wife’s best friend is the Pastor of the church they all attend. It’s not easy. Well, I tell my wife she is praying to the ceiling.🀣

Try to be yourself yet letting them have their silly beliefs. A lot easier said than done.🌹

SalC Level 6 Mar 18, 2020
2

Stop giving others such power over you!

2

Hang in there we have all been through hell and survived don't give up

bobwjr Level 10 Mar 18, 2020
6

Virtual hugs and love. While religion wasn't the issue with my family one's bigotry and racism is just about as divisive. One has to look closely at the actions of those who claim they love you - Marionville in her comments nailed it. It's a 2 way street. My choice offended my mom and I never put her in a situation to have to meet my choice. BY the same token she just could NOT keep her yap shut so distance was the only solution. We reconciled b4 her death but even had we not I would have been just fine - I did counselling came to understand the dynamics and got on with my life. Certainly not always easy. My twin still holds great loathing for our mom different issues and much more subtle, major control issues and she is very god fearing religious. You can't change them and they can't change you it can be hard but hang on to the happy stuff and the connections with people who see you for who you are.
Best of luck.

7

You are among friends here, and we will try to give good counsel when asked. You don’t need to give greater details at present, but in time you may feel the need to confide in us with more information...at that time we will do our best to advise and assure. As a lifelong atheist I cannot say I know the pain of such family estrangements due to religious differences, but as a student of human nature for a very long time, I can empathise and reach out. I have left a response below on another reply to you which I hope you find helpful...if somewhat candid. You have reached out to us, and we will do our best to help if we can....hugs duly winging across the Atlantic to you! πŸ€—

3

As much as I try to empathize, it is very tough for me to give you what you ask for, as I haven't experienced anything similar with my very devout catholic family. In my case when there was conflict I basically grew a pair and stood my ground, facts speak louder than anything else and I was always very well informed because I made a point of being very well informed about all religions and their BS "sacred" books which gave me the advantage over those who say they believe but have never read critically any of their "sacred" crap. Sorry dude, guess I can only give you the usual hang in there and be strong with your beliefs type of generic comment.

4

We all go through rough times now and then. It always passes, and we have the opportunity to be happy if we choose to take it. My motto for happiness is, "Always look on the bright side of life." I know it comes from comedy, but it is a good message. I concentrate on the beauties of nature, works of art, fun songs, things that make me laugh, delicious foods, the kindness of friends, the love of dogs and other pets, etc. Also, I do good deeds for others, which fills my heart with joy. Such beautiful things give me happiness and cheer to overcome the darker shadows of life.

5

"Above all else, to thine own self be true."

8

As a person who never grew up in the States (or been there) I find it really difficult to understand why the Americans are so adament about their religion. When you consider the number of different denominations of christianity, all saying they have the correct interpretation of their book, you would think that people would realise that it is just a made up story. I was born and brought up in London (although I now live in Australia, got fed up with the cold and snow) and, yes, there is religion in uk. There are even some people who have a similar outlook as the Americans. However, most think it's just nothing important. As a child I did accept the god character, but by the time I was about 11 I realised that it was a load of bollocks. Most people in my experience both in UK and Australia have the same attitude to religion. A nice story to tell the kids ( stops them from doing really bad things if they think they are being watched all the time) but they soon realise that there are too many inconsitancies in this god bloke to be believed.
I do appreciate your predicament with regards to your family but in the end you have to consider your own sanity. To quote Shakespeare "This above all else, to thine own self be true." If they only want to know and care about you because of religion and will not care about you if you don't believe what they believe then they ain't worth a bleeding penny. So, yep, lots of hugs etc sent your way and please remember you are part of our wonderful community , so you are NEVER alone.

5

I was raised by conservative Baptists, also known as my biological parents. Being the youngest of four children, I didn't go along with the program. I wrinkled my nose, scrunched up my forehead, and questioned their beliefs. It was clear to me that I was outnumbered, but I couldn't help being me. At the time, I didn't understand what was going on, just that my pressing questions weren't welcomed.

It is always worth it to stand up for yourself -- your thoughts, opinions, emotions, beliefs. You will pay a price -- possibly with your partner but hopefully not -- family members, friends, people at work. We develop agency, the ability to move through life as an autonomous individual, then we bump up against these people who feel fearful and threatened by our mere existence, not to mention what happens when we open our mouths and they hear our voice. We articulate what is best for us and why. Is that so wrong?!

If you're ruffling feathers, you're doing something right. Just make sure to pick your battles. Oh! I almost forgot: find your tribe. We're out here cheering you on! Upward and onward.

Thank you so much,
for such a thoughtful comment.

One interesting point:
if my family member is so adamant,
that means he loves me and cares about me.

If I inspire passion,
even anger,
that means he loves me,
and all his family.

I am truly important to him.

Plus,
if I get some emotional support from this group,
where I can vent about my conflict with him,
that rounds out a lot of my emotional needs.

Thanks again.

@bigjac My thoughts and good wishes are with you at this trying time..however one point I have to make about your response to @Swanky is this. It may seem on the surface that your family member is caring and loving by being so adamant and angry with you, but I see it as an outsider here who is not emotionally involved, and believe it’s quite the reverse. He is angry and adamant because he cannot accept that you think differently from him, and what he is doing is trying to control you and keep you from being an individual who is capable of formulating your own views. It is disrespect that he is showing, not love. Love is unconditional, it respects the person even when that person differs in something as fundamental as personal belief in god and medical care. He may well be deluded into thinking that he is showing love towards you, but you need to understand that it is not love, and his anger is because you will not submit your will to his. I hope you don’t find my words too upsetting, but if you think hard, I’m sure you will see I speak the truth. Just stay strong...we are here for you to vent to if necessary.

@Marionville Nailed it!! IMHO

@Marionville I still think, looking at this from his point of view, that he truly cares about me, loves me, etc.
However.
If his actions do more harm than good, in regards to medical decisions, then his love is moot.
His love is not relevant, if he does more harm than benefit.
So, in actual living, and analyzing harm and benefit,
you are correct, for all practical purposes.
However.
We will find a way to get the medicine we need, in spite of him, a little later.
When he's not looking.
Thanks again, for your concern.
Thanks again.

@ToolGuy Thanks for the link.
I skimmed over it, some.
Part of living more than 60 years,
is that I have already heard such things before,
most of them, many times.

I especially do not agree with this one:

"When we make assumptions, it is because we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling."

If I have spent years and years,
listening to a particular man or woman,
and they have explained to me,
with passion,
over and over,
what they are thinking and feeling,
then why do so many folks keep warning me,
warning everyone,
to be careful about making assumptions.

That is just absurd.
The person giving me that advice,
does not know much about me,
or the situation in which I might make assumptions.

It just sounds like truly silly and worthless advice.

But now, I am not angry at you.

You are simply repeating what so many say, so often.

Anyway,
thanks for your thoughtful reply.

2

Your own health is both your concern and your responsibility.

Efficacious medical practices are based on sound scientific research. The recovery of health based on Biblical claims is merely fortuitous. Medical practices based on the Buy Bull can also be lethal.

Conservative Christians are infamous for both their bigotry and their inability to think rationally.

Such people are thinking primarily of themselves and treating you with contempt. Their attempts to ram their non-existent god down your throat amounts to a violation of your human rights.

Please know that you are an important human being.

((Hugs))

Thank you for the comment.

Actually,
the family member who is rejecting proper medicine,
truly loves me,
but he is convinced that the medical community is lying to us,
to make more money,
rather than advising what is truly best for their patients.

He truly loves me.

But, he is laboring under delusions.

I am in a bind.

We will take it one day at a time.

Thanks again.

@bigjac I see your difficulty. Taking one day at a time sounds like extremely good advice from you to yourself. πŸ™‚

@anglophone Thank you for agreeing with me.
I think I'm smart,
but it's always good to get a second opinion!
Thanks again.

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