I am a mother and I love all five of my children and believe me...we each with the other, have had our struggles. But, I would never hold them hostage over our different beliefs! That would not be loving. I would never create a climate where they must walk on ‘egg shells!’ That would not be loving. So love your mother as you have always done...and live your fullest life possible. This may sound harsh, but...if she dies, she dies! Maybe it is possible for some one with enormous ‘control issues’ to will, their own death, I don’t know? But, no person...mother, father or child, has the right to hold another human being hostage because they want control over that other person’s thinking! And no amount of convincing, could ever label that love. If I did that to one of my children...they should disown me, I earned it! Best of luck...your life belongs to you to live it the best way you know how...be happy!

When my brother was dying of brain cancer, his Xian wife actually suggested that maybe my atheism was contributing to what was happening to him. Meaning if I believed in god maybe god wouldn't take her husband.

I resisted the urge to strangle her and just said "If your god loves you so much he wouldn't be murdering your husband just to spite me."

Emotional blackmail at its worst

Life is too short to deal with toxic people.
Especially so called family.

I can't even imagine allowing anyone to get away with that kind of bullshit.
That's emotional abuse.

My grandmother used to try to control us with her heart attacks. She pulled that line at a family dinner when some action was being discussed that she disagreed with. If you do so and so then I will have a heart attack." One of my brothers looked her in the eye and said "go for it."

nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail from mum (mom).

@Albert_Camus

How old are you? Why don't you stand up to your mother?

"Mom, I decided I'm an atheist," I said at 13.

"That's fine, honey," she replied. "What do you want for dinner?"

You need to repeat to yourself until you finally believe it, that she did NOT get sick becaue of your beliefs. I do not think it is fair she blames you for her poor health nor is it good for you to believe her and accept responsibility for her health. She is not your child! She should handle her own health!

Confirmation bias can work two ways. Rather than just seeing things she likes as confirmation of her beliefs, she sees things she does not like as the causes of her problems and ill health.

It is the standard stock in trade of religions and for that matter parents, guilt. As Philip Larkin said
"Parents really fuck you up, this much we know is true
They give you all their faults and invent some more for you"
or as the Virgin Mary said "To tell you the truth, Mrs. Cohen. We were hoping he would become a doctor"

The only way to win is to turn the tables. Guilt is a 2-way street and no parent feels they have done a perfect job. Firstly you have of course had all the arguments about your lack of faith being your business and not hers.
So try this tack. "Mom I am really shocked and upset. I mean its one thing to have a go at me but to have a go at Jesus is quite frankly going too far. I mean to say that the person you have worshiped all your life would be so vindictive and jealous as to deliberately make you ill because I did not believe, is a blasphemous slander. That I honestly think is beneath you. Now let's have no more silly talk like this and never mention it again because if he is really like that, I'm glad he is no part of my life"

That is awful she would put that on you. Although you know that is not the case, you still feel bad/sad because it is coming from your mom.
Hold in there. Not sure what action you could take to make things better in that sense.

This emotional and psychological manipulation tactic is another one of the major reasons I walked away not just from a religion I didn't believe in to begin with, but my still believing relatives who tried to shun me for my choice. Thankfully my mother (who is a believer) does not engage in this abhorrent behavior with me. But my other relatives didn't waste an opportunity to blame me & my non-belief for everything that slightly went wrong with me or the freaking world. I started shunning them & living my best life without them.

Because what they were doing is bullying, magical thinking edition type of bullying, no two ways about it. I wasn't going to stand for it nor allow them to do it to me, so I cut them off. It's gross how she suggests that your non-belief is at fault for her illness. WHAT!? How does that track? It's guilt-tripping at it's most insidious.

This type of bullying/guilt-tripping is what is at heart of many preachers blaming abortion & gays for HIV, Covid19, the weather, etc.; it's the same religious harassment that has to be pushed back upon no matter who is doing it. After I stood up to my relatives and pushed back on it, they backed down with it and stopped trying to bully me back with disingenuous guilt trips designed to manipulate me as if I were a child. They learned and realized that I'm stronger than that, and it's a waste of their time, so they stopped. Now they have no choice but to accept me as I am, or go away. They chose to accept me as I am.

Put your foot down with your mom and tell her to grow up or go away. If you don't, prepare to be miserable living a life pretending to believe in things you know you don't just to please her (& shut her up). If you don't & you cave to this bullying, don't be surprised when she continues to disrespect you every chance she gets in small ways you won't be able to put your finger on, but will know it's happening. Prepare for the gaslighting, it will be epic, especially since she'll know that she can get the upper hand on you whenever she wants.

An annoyed God wouldn't make her ill because of your beliefs. He would make you ill. Be glad that you are smart enough to see through this emotional blackmail. I'm sorry that you have to put up with this from your own mother and stay strong and proud of yourself.

I just see that your mother is too controlling and certanly manipulative. My mother never liked me being an atheist, but never went into those tricks to influence me...I am so sorry for you and hope your mother gets better.

Move on...not worth it

I am a bit more spiteful than most. I would ask her why her god is able to punish her for your beliefs. Why is he not able (or willing) to punish the person who doesn't believe? Maybe it loves the non-believer more and she should question her faith more to get better? I would let that stew while I peace out.

Refuse to talk about it! Calmly make it very clear you will not engage...be firm but brief.....BRIEF! Then when she tries to engage you, simply immediately leave her vicinity & stay gone until "next time"...no exceptions! You will only have to do this a couple of times, I promise. It is best for her health & yours. And ferpetessake do not introduce ayd religion-related topic (s)!!!!!!!!!

Similar treatment has resulted in my distancing myself from my parents who also decided that god had called me to preach. I view their interactions with me as a cause of much pain. Mom has been dead 14 years now and my stepdad is demented and in a nursing home. I last saw him well over a year ago.

Tell her "If you had been a better mother, I would have faith." ...And say NOTHING more. You may even want to exit and leave her with that.

I wish I could you tell you how to make your mother understand. It is so sad she is using her health as a weapon.

Tell her you love her and hope she will understand some day. That's the only answer I can come up with. It doesn't sound like she has a sense of humor. If she did you could tell her to hurry and get well so she will be strong enough to work on your beliefs and have more time to change them.

You want to respond? What is keeping you from responding?

I got fucking tired of my parents expecting me to agree with whatever shit they thought was important, and stopped putting up with their shit. You are an adult now, and if they cannot face that fact, that is their problem, not yours.

Seems your mother could benefit from behavioral health care. PLEASE stop being influenced by her delusions, because they are only that.

I'm sorry to hear the situatoin that you're in. My best wishes for you.

Andrew