How would everyone feel about being refused a date because you’re an atheist? Im good friends with a bloke, I’ve made it clear that I’d like to see more of him, but he told me he couldn’t date me because of my beliefs. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I don’t think I’d care about the beliefs or lack of in a partner.
All this means is that you are not well matched for sharing an intimate, closer expansion of your friendship. In my view, things like that only define where the relationship can go and contrary to popular, rather senseless notions predominating in our society, it doesn't have to be a negative or the proverbial 'deal breaker'. If intimacy can't be a part, why throw something that is apparently good away, unless it's the other person discarding? It seems this guy you're describing closes himself off unnecessarily from friendships with good potential. It's his loss. Shake the dirt off your feet. (a little Biblical advice there...)
We all cherish close, loving dedicated relationships with members of both sexes; friends and family with whom sexual intimacy is not a part. It would be silly, even sick, to discard them for lack of a sexual dimension. For example, I dearly love a woman with whom about 12 wonderful years were shared. We couldn't be closer friends today, save the discontinued intimacy. She is now primarily involved with a great guy who is far better for her than I in a more closely bonded role. He's one of only half a dozen or so men with whom I'm acquainted, held in high esteem. We're all friends, go out as three sometimes and as four others.
Life is short. Good people, when we find them, are few.
I'd feel like I dodged a MAJOR bullet. If he can't date me because of my "beliefs" (more like lack of), I certainly don't want to date him.
Btw, if you're thinking about a life partner, it makes life much more difficult when they believe and you don't. Especially when it comes time for marriage or children.
Better make sure you've got all that worked out before you make long-term plans with anyone who doesn't share your lack of belief.
^^This, all day long
I dunno. I kinda see where he's coming from. If an idea is important to you, you want someone with a similar mindset. It equates to similar values. If you are looking at a long-term relationship, not sharing a fundamental belief is a red flag. People of different religions get together and have no idea what to tell their kids. Usually, one of the parents rolls over and let's the other one teach their religion. It'd be tough for sure.
There you go! You got a clear direction on how it would go with this person, Lucky to have found that out early.
I figure you dodged a bullet. His religion and your nonreligion were inevitably going to butt heads, I think, so in a way he's doing you a favor. There are exceptions, of course, but I have found that very different world views often carry vastly different value systems, and that often becomes a source of conflict in relationships.
I've been rejected many times because of it. I've just gotten to the point that I won't date anyone who isn't either agnostic or atheist. So I just turned the tables.
Consider it a 'blessing' in disguise
He has it wrong, he's can't date you because of your non-belief.
As many others have said, you dodged a bullet. Good thing he was upfront about it.
I wouldn't date anyone more than superficially religious. I tried once and it crashed and burned.
I've been refused quite a few dates because of my beliefs. In fact, today I was told that if you didn't believe in god, that you're not worth loving. Oh boy, talk about a boost of confidence.
I had the opposite happen. I have a friend who wanted to date me, but I said no because I didn't think it would work. I found even as a believer, if my views weren't exactly in line with hers it created conflict. In the Devout, God always comes first, before spouse, partner, kids, family and friends. Some people can overcome, but it's not for me.
I would have no problem with it, because I have stopped dating religious or 'spiritual' dudes.
Yes I don’t date religious people either
I would thank her straight away for confirming early on that we were incompatible. If she was really nice though I might try and unconvert her so she didn't have to miss out on a really good 3 and a half minutes. Stud hey
I would feel relieved. It's one thing to be religious, but another thing entirely to let those beliefs dictate your day to day life. I'd say you dodged a bullet with that person. I've had similar experiences on dating websites. I love to end the interactions with "thank you for your interest. God bless!"??
It wouldn't matter to me either, but it does to him. So, You are wasting your time.
Several years ago, I asked out a woman who worked at my company. We were also friends through Toastmasters, and so knew each other quite well, or so I thought. We went to a play and then dinner. Over dinner, we engaged in the usual first date small talk. The topic turned to religion, and I told her I had none. She said nothing in the moment.
At the end of the evening, in the parking lot (we had driven separately), we found ourselves in that awkward "what do we do now" moment. Do we kiss? Do we hug? Do I follow her home? She looked up at me and said "Sorry. I don't do atheists.", then got in her car and drove away. I was rather stunned, not to mention saddened. She was an attractive, intelligent woman, and then she was gone.
The next morning, I found a card on my desk. Inside was a very abashed and apologetic note. She was as sad about this as I was. She had been so happy when I asked her out, "like the genie had come out of the bottle". But her faith was a very important part of her life. She didn't want to be with someone that she had to drag to church every Sunday. Of course, I have to respect that. If that is a core value for you, then I'm not your man. But it would have been nice to know that up front. I guess that's why I'm here!
He was just scared because your intellect outclassed his.
We all get knocked back for many reasons. The reason does not matter so much, he just does not feel compatible with you. I have had a lady stop dating me because I like cats. Which is cool, because had I known she hated cats, I would not have dated her.
That is Sooooo important.
Now I like cats, but can't have one because my girl & late dh are/were highly allergic, altho both love them.
I could not be with someone who isn't at least very ok with my dogs.
I'm at the point where I'm not willing to waste another moment on someone else's religiosity. I've already had a lifetime of that so I'll take a pass on a date. Right now I'm trying to redirect my career away from such people and I don't know if that's entirely possible. I may have to work with them but I danged sure don't have to sleep with them!