When it comes to dating, would it be considered unethical to continue seeing someone that you are not exactly attracted to physically, but you enjoy their company and companionship? Or would this just be an unfair way of leading them on? Thoughts?
3
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11 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.The ethical thing to do is to be honest about your feelings for them. Tell them what attracts you and what does not, and let them decide whether or not they want to pursue a relationship with you based upon your terms. Be prepared to experience the pain of losing them.
Deb57
Level 8
July 20, 2020
0
Not so much unethical as unfair if you haven't let the person in on your truth. Honesty and clarity allows the other person to make the right decision for themselves.
But beware of people who say they want to continue to be friends, but have other expectations. Then its on them if they get hurt. Since you told your truth and they accepted, you're off the hook.
Conversational
Level 4
July 20, 2020
1
Would that be a case of friend zone? When you feel attracted to someone and the other person only wants to be friends with you, that friendship might seem like a disappointment, a consolation price. But I guess it must work both ways, or it will not work at all as far as loving goes. And as for the ethical side of things, it doesn't feel right to me to sort of dangle at the nose of someone something you don't intend to give. I think you should fold your cards on the table and let that person decide if she or he wants to keep things going.
QuidamOutrepont
Level 8
July 20, 2020
0
First of all I do not believe in this friendzone. It is usually guys that never express how they feel for their "friend" and use their friendship to try and get a relationship from the woman. That's not a genuine friendship nor what a good friend does.
Secondly, my friendships with men are strictly platonic. No kissing, no cuddling, no hand holding and sometimes even no hugging. If I am to date this guy, he will get physical intimacy, so not a friendzone at all. I will see how it goes. If after a few dates and getting to know him better does not change how I perceive him, I will suggest we be friends and leave it up to him.
Friendship is a wonderful base for a loving relationship. Communication is key.
Give it time and see what happens.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
July 18, 2020
5
Depends on how long you continue dating... There's always the possibility you might begin to find them attractive... But I wouldn't taken too long..
Or just be honest and tell them you wanna be friends... Just friends. .
Cutiebeauty
Level 9
July 18, 2020
3
VERY interesting. What does "seeing" mean in this case? Seeing socially? Seeing in bed? There are ethics on both sides of this question.
There are a couple of women who are willing to spend time with me but aren't attracted to me in any way. I'm grateful for their company when I'm in the mood for it. However, I'm not always so desperate for company that I'm willing to go through the motions of picking them up and paying for everything.
Conceptually, they are like paid escorts. I'm not paying them directly, but I am paying their expenses in exchange for their company.
BitFlipper
Level 8
July 18, 2020
2
Wow. Just wow.
@Apunzelle annd he moans about how he cannot "find somebody" about 5 times a day.
@AnneWimsey I think we can see why! 
@Apunzelle, @AnneWimsey what is your problem now? Is the reality of my life too disturbing for you? Is this Behavior ethical or not? Please explain what "wow just wow" means.
@BitFlipper you create your own sad reality & beg for sympathy all day every day. Whining is Very unattractive! Because the truth is, nobody is good enough for you...remember just 2 weeks ago when that beautiful 40-something nude was posted & you posted, "if she only lost 5 lbs she'd be perfect"??? And when I called you on it. (She was STUNNING) you took down your post? Why, exactly?
@BitFlipper “Wow, just wow” means you have a very disturbing view of women and relationships. I can’t believe taking a woman out on a date and paying for her meal equates to her being a call girl in your mind. That’s unhealthy and disturbing thinking.
Umm I meant seeing as in dating and all that entails for me, up to the point of PDAs or intimacy like hand holding or kissing. I always offer to pay my bill or my half. So I'd like to think any guy that refuses that isn't doing so to think of me as a paid escort. Dam man -_- :/
@Apunzelle I'm more disturbed by your choice to describe my entire life by one story. You've made some very hateful assumptions about my life based upon my current situation.
The question was about ethics, and my answer was about my current situation which involves an ethical dilemma. Do I continue to induce women to spend time with me - women who are totally disinterested - by essentially paying for their time? It damages what's left of my self-esteem to realize this is my only remaining option. It's a very empty experience.
I would love to have choices like the rest of you seem to, but I don't. So you want to punish me for my lack of choices. Believe me, the lack of choices is punishment enough.
@BitFlipper Well that’s just sad. So pay for their meal and enjoy their company. What’s the big deal? It doesn’t make them call girls FFS. If you paid for a male friend’s meal, would that make him a prostitute?
I am not completely disinterested in him though. I enjoy his company and sharing time with him. And he has a nice body. But the face is not my type. So I may not be completely drawn to him physically, but I am psychologically and emotionally. Which I always assumed was way more important than a purely shallow connection.
Actually in your experience it sounds like the women are just using you for food or companionship. In my case it would be more so forcing intimacy and connecting with one another to see if the attraction grows or not. The halo effect has worked for me in the past after all.
I have always found that the nicer a person is, the more I become attracted to them in all ways.
AnneWimsey
Level 9
July 18, 2020
3
Why is that unethical? Would it be unethical to be with someone only because you are physically attracted to them? Someone you don't otherwise enjoy their company. Someone you don't have anything in common with. Even in that case I would say very superficial but not unethical.
barjoe
Level 9
July 18, 2020
3
Okay. So do you think I am being superficial too? 
@demifeministgal Absolutely not. Being with someone for who they are not for their looks is the antithesis of superficial.
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