My daughter did ask him outright in her shock - and all he replied was that he liked the "lifestyle" so she continued to be puzzled and shared the surprising news with me, since it's confounding her.

The only thing she could think of was that maybe he's intending to marry the lady friend he took up with while we were still married. I have no desire to talk to him personally - but do wish to help my kids understand possible reasons, should they wish to discuss it further with me.

@Julie808, just say he had his reasons. There are always things that you can't reply or understand.

Yes, I suspect you are right - however it would be for this woman to have access to his money. He came into a big inheritance after our divorce, and she likely held out on sex until he marries her. I hope he has her sign a pre-nup so that my kids get that legacy, not her.

For sure he loves the special underwear

Putting that ultimatum both crudely and bluntly: "Either fuck me or fuck off.".

So kind of like extortion. That's a solid foundation on which to base a marriage.

@Sgt_Spanky More like quicksand!

@Sgt_Spanky Or a religion...

Pretty sure that's the case. This woman is conniving - my ex-husband has been supporting her financially for years in lots of different ways. I'm guessing she has been holding out on sex until he converts. That was the reason they were "platonic" for all these years, according to what he's said in the past.

@OwlInASack Its easy for me to talk, now I have turned sixty life is starting to relax its grip a bit. LOL

@Fernapple By the time he finally gets through whatever he needs to fulfilling this "mission" he might not have much "drive" left, who knows. Hope it's worth it for his sake. Women are not usually driven to that extreme for a bit of pleasure.

Yes, he always liked to do what others around him were doing, to be popular. He loved sports and played softball, and coached many sports. He likes being a team player. Maybe since he's older now and I'm guessing doesn't do so much coaching or playing of sports. (I don't know - since my kids rarely share news about their dad) Could be. Thanks for that input. -- I can't imagine either of my kids falling into a religion trap - I raised them to be pretty strong free thinkers!

I doubt that this is the case with my ex-husband and his ladyfriend. BUT, yes, some clans within mormonism are and I actually had a srange experience with that by falling into performing a "wedding" for the Kingston family who had traveled to Kauai for multiple weddings/marriages.

It was 6 couples all on their honeymoon. It had to be just a "commitment" ceremony because the bride was only 14, and since her parent's weren't present to sign off on the marriage license, the agent couldn't issue the license.

The leader of the group was my only contact I had prior to the "wedding" and so I had no conversation with the couple. They were very quiet and subservient. The leader, I found out later after some research at that time, had something like 27 wives already, and was next in line as the head of the whole clan, and was obviously on his honeymoon with his 28th during this event.

After that experience, I became interested briefly in the polygamy aspect of this clan, since it was surprising to me that this sort of thing actually still happens, and how I unknowingly participated in such an event. I didn't look into the beliefs or anything really, just was ultra curious of the Kingston Clan and I looked up the family tree, to discover that it seems likely the bride and groom in this case where half siblings.

@Julie808 Wow, I find it amazing that in some religions/cults this is okay. I get mad when it is every only one man and many women. I am looking for a religion/cult with one woman and many men, so far no luck How unfair life is sometimes.

@Jolanta Yeah - I've read that these clans end up having a surplus of young men, who they turn out and the become the "lost boys" not knowing anything but the family. It is a strange way of life and I was really weirded out reading about it and hearing the stories of the women who escaped marrying some older relative.

@Jolanta if you start one they will come!

@TeresaWyckoff Gosh you are giving me ideas but then I have to stop being on this site. Have to think this over very carefully if it is worth it, although I could do with a male "slave" or two.

@Jolanta. I was actually at a Wednesday night ladies meeting, where we giggled over the thought of having more than one husband!! Nothing naughty, but practical!!

@TeresaWyckoff Oh, but naughty is nice.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about th he magic underwear....definitely cheese to a mouse!

Well he was physically abusive to me, for 29 years, so hopefully he has more respect for this woman and will treat her well. To be honest, he likes to be told what to do, and I wasn't good at that, but she is. So, perhaps he likes the illusion of power that just being a man in a religion like that would give.

Well he's been keeping this lady company for over 15 years, so I'm guessing he's more horny than lonely. If he was just lonely, he could spend more time with his kids, but he's always "too busy" with this lady friend for that.

But yes, there is a ready made social group that spends a lot of time at this lady's house, likely trying to convert him. He is also close to this lady's son (having coached the boy for several years) and I believe it was while helping the boy, now a grown man, move to Utah that he got baptized.

I sure can't see him listening to all that "lord" stuff, but they got to him somehow. It just super shocked my kids, since he's always been so anti-religious. Very weird.

@Julie808 Seems more like a way to fit in so he can satisfy his horny urges. He can fake the religion stuff.

Haha! I don't know. I've only seen him for a few hours in the past decade. He's always been very gullible and easily manipulated, especially by this woman. My kids are puzzled as to this turn of events, since it's so much out of character for him to be around any religiousness, but we are just guessing that he's doing it for this lady friend.

Yes, she is 4 years younger than him, 3 years younger than me. She had beautiful daughters who dress provacatively. He likes to be around them! He even gave one of them a car.

Yeah, I think we all agree it's about filling a void .

Well I know it's the woman he started seeing while we were still married (15 years ago) who is the mormon in his life. She had to "friend" my daughter on Facebook, so she could see the photos of his road trip and baptism.

I think the road trip was to help this woman's son (an elder in the church now) move to his new home in Utah. My daughter suspects that this might be the first step toward marrying this woman. I just hope she/they don't try to convert my kids. They would be a challenge, for sure! I raised them with critical thinking skills!

@Julie808 I hope not too.

I admit to not knowing much about mormonism, but your comment makes sense. Thanks. This woman is manipulative and even my ex-husband used to comment on that when we were still married and he started spending more and more time, money and attention on her and her kids than me and our kids.

@Julie808 I left Mormonism many years ago, and have in the years since helped many people leave and or cope with the consequences of leaving.
It is a truly evil cult and Mormon women are brainwashed from birth to seek only to snare and hold on to a man, because their eternal happiness depends on it, which is why in fringe mormon denominations and even in the mainstream church women are willing to accept polygamy so readily and accept the idea that in the hereafter they will have sister wives as a blessing. This is because a woman cannot enter the kingdom without a man, but a man cannot enter the kingdom without multiple wives.
Actual polygamy has been outlawed in the LDS church since 1895, but widowed men are expected to remarry immediately to save another sweet sister.
Female Mormons outnumber male mormons almost 4 to 1

@LenHazell53 Yep, she did "snare" him, haha, while he was married yet. I guess that would explain why he would go on a "mission" for this religion. A challenge with a reward a the end. We are still just shaking our heads in wonder, but it's starting to sink in a bit better now with all this conversation. Thanks for your explanation.

Polygamy is illegal in the USA

Polygamy was my first thought as well.

@Moravian True but it is decriminalised in many states.

@Moravian not for mormons in Utah
[cnsnews.com]

I want give this a laughy and a lovey response, but I can only give one.

I was puzzled about that too, but he informed my daughter that is what he will be doing. I don't know where or when, my daughter didn't give me too much in the way of details, she was just flabbergasted at the fact that he became baptized, and was having trouble processing that news. His lady friend's son has one more year on his mission, so maybe the story got confused in the telling of it.

Yep - not worried at all about him. Don't care at all. I am concerned for my kids though. I hope he doesn't alienate them by trying to convert them, or that his lady friend will dissuade him from spending time with the kids and grandkids (all non-believers.) I also worry that she will get him to will his money to her and the church, upon his death, rather than leave anything for our kids.

Yep, this lady friend of his during our marriage was actually the least of the reasons I divorced him.

@Julie808 you might tell your kids to talk to him as a group, After consulting a lawyer.....

@AnneWimsey I want to stay out of it, but will make sure my son is aware of the financial possibilities, so he can protect himself, regarding any prospective inheritance upon his death. My daughter is fine, strong and financially secure.

Yes. I'm guessing that she's talked him into marrying her which is the only reason my daughter can think of that he'd convert after being so against religious stuff all his life. He's a good catch in many ways (just not for me) and so she is likely after his money. I think I'll suggest to my kids to have a talk with him - and get him to create a prenup and will - so they are not left out of their grandparents legacy.

Is it possible he is in the earliest stages of some form of dementia and isn't thinking with a completely clear mind? Some people start showing signs of impaired cognitive ability in their mid to late sixties and are more easily persuaded and taken advantage of.