Through online dating, over the years I have met about 100 men. Seventy-five percent wanted sex on the first date. It was jarring. Over 80% posted old photos. Suddenly my "hot date" gained 60 lbs, aged 10 years and shrank 2-4 inches.

"I figure there are four or five single, fit women in their 60s who want a relationship in every state, excluding the South," a psychologist in Utah said. "I already met all four women in my state." I agree. I'm looking for a man who is fit, healthy and intelligent with a great sense of humor, who wants a loving relationship. Someone who also loves hiking. Kindness and respect are esssential.

It seems many older, single men are divorced for a darn good reason. Unwilling to work on their issues, they take the same bad behavior into the next relationship. "It appears I have been dealing with the leftovers," a 69-year-old man said.

Men have this fantasy of being fit and hiking with me, but haven't hiked or exercised in years. Sigh. I am not attracted to rolls of fat.

With a high sex drive, it's frustrating not to have a partner. Even if I meet a man I enjoy, there's the issue of sexual compatibility. Don't get me started. Anyway...

As an optimist, I have hope. Through Fitness Singles, I will keep meeting men to see if we are compatible. My parents talked and laughed every day. That's what I want.

There are people out there looking and wanting what you describe. It's a particular type of personality that feel sex should not be an issue in a relationship and don't desire any. Run a google search for " asexual relations" , it will explain further and possible places to find an asexual.

I absolutely agree that sex should be the icing on the cake! I don't know how everyone defines a relationship, but I agree with you that it should start with a best friend, someone you enjoy doing things with, can talk to about things, progress to "snuggle up with" and then eventually sex will be great! Personally, I think that is the best way. However, I have come to realize that all relationships aren't about that though. There are so many kinds of relationships, and so many different people. They aren't always what you are looking for, but each relationship is it's own adventure. I am enjoying learning to explore the variety! If you can - there really isn't any disappointment. But I think it is wonderful that you know what you want. Just keep looking. Don't settle for less than what is best for you. You will eventually find it. Don't throw in the towel.

There is a lot of good people carrying bad baggage. That sometimes can ruin anything good.

Women have so much less to choose from than we.

Any person, male or female, who starts in on sex/coitus before they actually get to know the other person, develop affection, feel the joy of being in their company, share ideas and activities with no expectation of more than perhaps some holding, kissing hello or goodnight etc. is puting the proverbial cart before the horse.

It's almost guaranteed to go 'dead end'. Sexuality in our time and place has degraded to secondary and substitutional acting out in place of what is genuine. Where familiarity is lacking, fantasy is substituted for expedience. Cognition soon dissolves fantasy and oddly enough, we, both men and women, blame and demonize the 'other' for not living up to the fiction.

It isn't that women are less damaged, in my opinion. They are just more resilient and act out in ways different than men, who are more aggressive and compulsive, both naturally and by our gender assignments and conditioning.

Very sad.

Maybe women can get sex pretty much anytime they want, but that is definitely not true for men. I do agree as one gets older you have a better idea of what you want in a realationship and it is harder to find.

Ok, you've sucked me in. Perhaps try and form more male friendships (as those clearly don't/shouldn't have the presumption or expectation of sex). This would probably help you see a better side to the male species (if that does indeed exist) and make them a more attractive proposition when/if you return to forming a more formal (and sexual) boy/girl relationship with one. I think that would help with, what's sounds like, your lose of any respect/desire for men because they are led by their dicks, as such and have mucked you around so much. There are a lot of men out there and they can't all be like the ones you've met to date (or recently?).

Take a break, re-centre on yourself and your friendships (with both men and women). Be selfish and look after yourself, nurture yourself and be a strong individual that stands proud without the need for a man's grace to make you feel fulfilled. Grow stronger and smarter.

You never know, one might just suddenly drop in your lap!

(I appear to have both started and ended my comment with a sexual innuendo! - Men hey!) lol

I can only speak of my experience... what you are looking for can always be obtained in a former lover. I have a former GF. We even lived together and who knows how close we may had been of tying the knot. But we parted ways with a friendly hug, many years later we hang out as a couple would every time I am in town and/or visit each other. But we do not cross the line to intimacy. Boundaries. You may say we have unresolved issues and affairs of the heart. Like there was a moment I didnt contacted her for 6 months and her brother died and who she called first? Me so I have to be there for her because we always will be. I am always hoping she find a partner and I know I will part ways for good once I find a partner. Maybe we just wasting time and kidding ourselves. My first two real girlfriends in my life were first best friends... I missed the friend more than the lover. So do not surprise me the preference for the friend over the lover... Maybe the Reverse Aproach is the answer. My Honest Take.

Glad to see I’m not alone in this problem. Well, actually I should say I am alone but I don’t have a problem unique to me. I have had a number of relationships with men over the past few years. Sex was always their primary focus. I was more interested in finding a companion. Someone with common interests and even common values to hang out with and do things with. It is really hard to find someone like that. Maybe impossible for me.

I’m with you on this one. Im probably closer to throwing in the towel than ever. I’ve had several relationships in the past with less than stellar results. I joined this site to jump ship from the Facebook addiction the dating part was a nice add on. I’ve come to realize based on the conversations that I’ve approached through PMs that I suppose it is just my anti Facebook therapy here.

Honestly you’ve said nothing wrong here. I wish I had great advice.

Now, from an outsiders prospective let’s meet the needs of the market though. Are you selling what the market wants to buy? Meaning... do you get to choose from what you would like to pick from, and if not have you exhaustively made the things in your control work in your best interests?

Are you in a good market where there are many matches? Are you a totally rocking body? Do you have your own capital? Are you a keen mind or social intellect?

In these constraints you’ll have success on your terms. Don’t settle for what you don’t want, but make sure you get what you need by making sure you have the best line up of wins for your deck.

I feel the same - all the men I meet are only looking for a friend with benefits. So very frustrating

If you were on the other coast I would be asking you out for a hike or kayak trip. This is exactly what I am looking for, a friend to pal around with. After a couple of months maybe it would develop into something else.

I use meetups a lot to go out with folks a lot.

I have to connect between my ears and in my heart before I connect with a woman ' below my waist'. That's how I'm wired.

Life is one !! Hope and disappointment is part of life, why waste it in an emotional roller coaster ??, we are not perfect and our expectations some times, don't help !!

If you think it's the basis, you're doing it wrong. Trust is the basis for sex.

I couldn't agree more...just don't give up! There are men who do not know the joy, of having a female friend, so they have not learned much about the nature of a woman! You can't learn everything from just one woman and this type of man thinks you can. Just keep looking, one might be willing to learn, if all the others are taken!

Nope, no suggestions. Just congratulations! Well done, you got to the promised land

Totally agree..but I'm not ready throw in the towel..not yet, when I'm dead for sure!

So essentially you're looking for a man willing to sit there in the friend zone until you maybe decide differently? At our age, I think being able to talk about intimacy without the BS of earlier years is a benefit. If he is just looking for a leg over, and you're not interested, dump him and move on. But you're not the only one looking for a relationship in every sense, so there needs to be dialogue!

Not all men are created equal

Oh so shallow and sad