I seriously thought this was a joke...

I hope that none of my future dates agree with you that there is no reason to change sheets without a woman to impress.

Get a bigger sheet

Try doing one corner then the opposite diagonal corner then the last two corners. If that doesn't work, you may need sheet straps that clip your sheets down underneath the mattress.

Put on opposite corners, make sure the elastic is well tucked Under the mattress, not just hooked over the side

You’re 60+ years old and you haven’t mastered fitted sheets? That’s the leap from agnosticism to atheism right there. Clearly there is no god. Come back the first time you try to fold those bastards.

When ask what super power I would chose, I’ve often said the ability to know which corner of the bed sheet I’m holding.

In Bed Bath and Beyond and WalMart they sell elastic straps with clips on each end. They are adjustible. You can clip the corners of the sheets around under the mattress and back to the sheet. This keeps the bottom sheet tight and smooth.

Always keep a brand new, unused sheet in the closet. When you're ready to bring her home put it on before you go out. I prefer deep pocket sheets from Target (don't know if you have them there). Deep pockets stay on better as you are putting the sheets on. The ones I buy even have tags to tell you if it is the top or side. And brand new sheets feel exquisite!

you could use it to get her to your house?!?!?!?! Plead helplessness--haha--just kidding. Reminds of a date I went on a couple of weeks ago--Him: Do you mind if we stop by my house on the way to dinner? I am having issues in the kitchen you might be able to give me some advice on. Me: Well,............I guess so,What kind of problem? Him: I just moved in and I need help organizing my cupboards and drawers. Me: You are kidding, right? Third and final date. If your sheets aren't the ones to fit these new really thick mattresses, no amount of gymnastics, cursing, or ritual is going to get them on.

This sounds like a tongue in cheek rant..... hahaha
I refuse to take this as a serious plea for help....

Get her drunk enough to fall asleep on the couch, she'll think it's romantic if you have worn her out first !!!

That's easy compared to putting a comforter cover on a comforter. Those are good evidence for the Devil.

Oy! Fly spray. That is gnarly. Start top right and work around to bottom right, bottom left then end with top left. Or maybe a blanket on the ground?

Go to her place

Never had that problem with fitted sheets my brother. Good luck on your dating her...lol. whatever happens, you made an improvement .

Sheet straps. You attach them to hold the corners on.
Sounds like your fitted sheet might not be large enough for your mattress.

Dear readers thanks for your helpful advice. The diagonal method is definitely the way to go. Bluetack and even SuperGlue definitely don't work.

You have bedbugs? Ew. I would buy the right sized sheets.

ISame thing here. I gave up on fitted sheets. I've tried safety pins as a quick fix. Those are dangerous. If you turn around in bed and it dislodges, the pin could fly off, landing, pin side out, anywhere.

What I do is get some comforters that are larger than the mattress, and layer them on it. When I know no one will be coming by, I save time by just sleeping on the mattress alone.

Now, the obvious question is this: if you live in Oz, why not just have the Wizard fix it?

Absolutely nothing wrong with using two flat sheets, one tucked under the mattress and one over. Sheets are made with a depth of mattress in mind, and yours may be too thick for the sheet. I know, that's aggravating.

That's easy.
If you own a needle, thread, and piece of elastic (you can borrow both from a woman, or buy one of those tiny sewing travel kits they sell at most stores) you can add a loop to one or more of the sheet corners, to anchor it while pulling the sheet to fit over the other corners.

An easier solution, If you can find them; there are sheet straps you can clip onto the sheet corners to anchor it under the mattress.

Get some safety pins like you use with nappies and pin each corner underneath. I've never had that problem myself but common sense after laughing my socks off got me thinking about that idea. so you live on scummy sheets unless you may get women in bed? this isn't a joke, is it? get in the sink and have a very small bath while you're at it.

Just call down to the front desk to get a maid service up to your room. And tip them generously.