WOW! That's huge!
I'm so happy for you dear.
Covid has screwed up the dreams and ambitions of more trans people than cis folk can possibly understand.
It's not like we could have transitioned when we were young enough to not be pressed for time.
I believe that had I been a bit braver much earlier I would have been so much happier now.
God damn it now I'm crying.
Here's love for you and your journey dear.

@Willow_Wisp thank you sis!❤❤❤
Hope those are tears of hope for yourself..if I can do it,you can do this..

@Charlene Tears of joy for you dear.

That's wonderful.

Exactly!

@Willow_Wisp Except your friends are all, "Jeff, you need to talk to someone." And you're like, "Is talking, sleeping? Then no thanks."

@JeffMurray Evil wizard, I keep dozing off at work, I honestly could lay down on the floor and sleep right now, forever....

Bring it!

@Willow_Wisp People can't understand what's it's like to welcome death, especially a quick one. My buddy started to pose a scenario to me (the one that knows I want to die asap) "If [you] were on death row for something like killing Mitch McConnell, and everyone in the prison treated you like a god because of it, would that flip things for you and make you want to live?"
In the middle of his question I interjected, "Bro, I can tell you now you're asking the wrong guy, but go on."
After his question, I had to explain that there's a zero percent chance I'd do something that would put me on death row then fail to kill myself before the arrest, before the trial or conviction, or before being sentenced to death and having to spend time in prison. Staring down the barrel of prison time would give me more than what I needed.

@JeffMurray When I had my heart attack I knew I was close to death, and I was in a surprisingly good mood about it, don't get me wrong I still called 911. It's obvious now that I have zero fear of death, even if I'd prefer to avoid unpleasant pain and trauma. Now I mostly try to stay alive because my oldest daughter is planning her wedding and stopping her birth control, so I'll soldier on for her and her sister, possibly my grandchild if I have the strength to make it. I don't want to let them down, but I can only do so much and Que Será, Será.

@Willow_Wisp I have no wife, no kids, only one sibling left that I may never see again because she's so scared of Covid (which is probably never going away), very few friends, and generally nothing to look forward to, especially that's more appealing than the prospect of never having to wake up again. I don't know what the thing(s) is that is placing 'not having to kill myself' above 'wanting to die' on my list, but that's really the only thing that needs to change now. I think a lot about what events could switch those two items.

@JeffMurray I prefer to think of it as being "ready" love. However there's still joy in life, like desperately attempting to save a grounded crow.
Any port in a storm.
And you have a potential friend in me, if we have time.

@JeffMurray your situation reminds me of something I read lately. 'We all need someone to love and something to do'. Minus that it seems we are all just counting time.

@freeofgod Sounds about right. So with no one to love and the general sense that no job is actually important, hanging on day to day for an extended period of time just to accomplish trivial items on a to-do list is likely untenable. I, however unfortunately, have no control over it either way.

@creative51 not really optimistic in this case, but always hopeful

Hang tight , dawns-a-coming...

Your post They say don't talk with an INFP that's experiencing an existential crisis. comes to mind.

The probing thing is probable the reason I would choose aliens

Naw, their gay children/nieces/nephews will be getting that stuff.

@JeffMurray you mean I put in all that time praying for The Rapture for NUTHIN'???????

@creative51 Likewise here. Remember the Spanish Flu pandemic lasted from 1916 to 1918, killed over 600,000

I’m with you.

The next four (years of Trump) are going to be even worse.

Edited because the first one made it seem like I meant the 4 years of Biden were going to be worse than Trump and that's impossible. The only things worse than 4 years of Trump are a second term of him or the Republican that will become America's first dictator.

We still have time for Planet X to kill us!