For me it was when I decided not to fight for my rights to have a relationship with my 16yr old daughter. To let it be. It wasn't the right or wrong choice. It was my choice. It allowed me have peace.
One thing I'm learning is there is no right/wrong and lower/higher in -minus the ego land. All of us can be mindful that people's decisions should be based upon what brings them peace, not what's right or wrong.
18
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14 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Our brains aren't mature until our mid 20s. At that point it may or may not be time to reassess the decision.
You know what is right for your self care.
MizJ
Level 8
May 23, 2023
3
Insurance companies figured that out a long time ago.
Be it a blood tie or just knowing someone, toxic relationships take a toll. To live a peaceful, less stressful life is important but those severed ties will continue to have an impact. fortunately I did make peace with my mom before she died.
silverotter11
Level 9
May 23, 2023
5
My relationship with my father was always fraught.
We'd go for years without speaking.
He reached out again about a year ago, and we began talking again.
He asked if I'd forgiven him. I told him that the statute of limitations on parental war crimes had run out long ago, and he really wasn't the one responsible for the trauma I'd faced as a kid.
We then settled into a routine of weekly calls.
He died a few weeks ago. His widow (not my mother) told me that us reconnecting made him really happy.
Giving him that cost me nothing.
Things change. All the time.
Relationships can as well.
But only if we allow ourselves to be open to it.
That said, the mere fact of being related to someone by blood, means absolutely nothing.
Cultivating, or maintaining, relationships with ANYONE, can only be left up to those directly involved.
No one else can tell anyone what to do. Well, they can try, but I usually tell those people to mind their own fucking business.
You do you.
KKGator
Level 9
May 23, 2023
11
I would have been forever condemned if things I shouted from 13-16 had been recorded.
We were all a bit fever brained.
@BufftonBeotch You would not be alone.
i severed all ties to my only child 11 years ago (she was in her 30's) and it was the Right thing to do for me, no doubt.
AnneWimsey
Level 9
May 23, 2023
8
I was put in a position after my husband died by my daughter to learn she was like touching a hot burner over and over. I haven't got time or patience to deal with her trials and tribulations. She is who she is and good luck over there. I tried not to sever ties so I could know the grand children but there were too many hurdles I was forced to jump and it wasn't worth it because behind one hurdle was another etc. She pretty much made life hell so I was done 10 yrs ago. When she was over 30.
Choises you can live with are the best.....and nobody commits for a life time.
HankSherman
Level 8
May 23, 2023
5
For a long time my kids lived with their mom and stepdad who hated me. The hate was actively agitated to great lengths. It's a long story but both of my daughters finally ended up living with me in Texas. Hang in there coz things will work out.
DenoPenno
Level 9
May 23, 2023
6
Children always pay the price for negativity in the home. It can have long-term effects when reaching adulthood and affect their problem-solving skills.
Teens can feel things very strongly and their emotions can be wild waters.
It is best not to push it because she will likely be a different person in 6 years or so.
Just don't bring these hurtful things up when she does reach out again. She's a child.
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
May 23, 2023
7
My daughter was a serious problem in her teenage years which come to think of it she was a colicky baby who screamed 24/7 until she was 4 months old. That began an animosity that was very hard to overcome. Just because she was older didn't mean I could start over emotionally from scratch I still was angry about her. Compared to my son she was hell. Still is and i gave up caring about her children when my last call was to granddaughter, she passed the phone to her father who hung up on me.
All this b.s. from her family has devastated her relationship with all in my family she may as well join a cult or become a nun.
K9Kohle
Level 6
May 23, 2023
1
Lingering animosity to a baby for her entire life? Because she was in terrible pain and crying?
@BufftonBeotch that's what I read too
@BufftonBeotch I was alone, divorced. She screamed. Not crying, holding her didn't stop it, rocking, no, carriage ride outside, feeding, changing everything she had on. Went to a doc appointment with my 2 yr old and her screaming till her face was blue. Everyone in the waiting room was upset. My 2 yr old crawled into someone elses lap. During 2 1/2 hrs there she did not stop. The doc said she would grow out of it. She grew out of it around 5 months old. imagine having your own child and you can't do anything at all to change the screaming. NOTHING. .I would hold her and she screamed. It was a rejection. I had no one to help me or explain it to me. Just felt rejection from her until she was comforted by me holding her at 5 months or older. I feel sympathy for anyone who has a colicky baby. It's really degrading, a nightmare, hell, the lowest you've ever been in your life. You can't change it no matter what you try. Nothing worked. Not a thing.
[mayoclinic.org]
"Colic is stressful for parents. Research has shown an association between colic and the following problems with parent well-being:
Increased risk of postpartum depression in mothers
Early cessation of breast-feeding
Feelings of guilt, exhaustion, helplessness or anger"
@BufftonBeotch It was only until 6 months old. Didn't help later being a teenager tho. WHOLE other set of circumstances.
@BufftonBeotch Seems like a new me has been birthed. I never in my life had time to linger over temporary life circumstances. I had 2 children under 3, was getting divorced, no child support, bought a house at 23, went back to college after 10 yrs away, got my BA and I'm a pro at compartmentalizing. The only thing ever held my interest longer than a few months was losing a boyfriend at 19 to a car accident. That taught me enough about life to live day to day without carrying any b.s. with me.
I don't really like the wimpy soggy flower you think I am. I am tough enough to work construction sites, manage a gas station and work at them 10 yrs to linger over some crybaby with gas. I owned 7 German shepherds, trained them all and was an animal control officer, sound like a lingering wimp to you?
Don't know if you have a wife and you and your daughter are all living under the same roof. A mediator or someone like the supernanny can help. Alot of 16years want independent from their parents. Daughter do need their Daddys and vise vera. I've had with each of my family rmembers a period of conflict and time out for peace was nesscessary. Only person in my life, it wouldn't work out with was my ex wife. She is an deep narcissists, meaning can't have realationships with or do business with.
Castlepaloma
Level 8
May 23, 2023
3
word puzzles games can be a great way to relax and unwind. When you work on a puzzle, you have to pay close attention, which takes your mind off of stressful things for a while and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
leemarryt
Level 1
May 23, 2023
0
Hopefully when she's older, she'll eventually reach out to you. Divorce is hard and yes, some parents make children take a side and speak badly about the other parent and it's heartbreaking. Hoping the best for you.
MichelleGar1
Level 9
May 23, 2023
9
I don't know about kids... I don't have any. Peace and silence are irreplaceable.
BOBdammit
Level 6
May 23, 2023
7
It's fun.
"I HATE You!" spittle flying.
Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.
Door slams.
Kid forgot who pays their cell phone and that it has just been blocked from accessing the house wifi.
Abut 20 minutes from an apology.
@BufftonBeotch
I still don't know about them, and I used to be one. I had a bizzare childhood, and wouldn't put any kid through that unless they had one hell of a sense of humor.
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