Love is a very common subject I like to discuss. Love is branded as though everyone can have it. As if it’s all natural. It seems to me a made up idea and based on nurturing. Man made love as Nurturing would explain the the difficulty of love and its failures. Very few people are successful at the love thing and you can’t just go get it. There are rules and conditions. Why do we as a society continue to put love on a forgiving pedestal with so many broken promises? Isn’t it like religion claiming one true love while having many denominations.
I've heard a very beautiful rendition of my all time favourite song: The Rose - I think Janis Joplin wrote it (no idea really) the singers were 3 Moari men - SOL3 MIO - the lyrics are about love.
"When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long" - that's how I feel most of the time.
Yes, anyone can have love. It's perfectly possible to love an animal, or a child, or a neighbor, friend, coworker, co-volunteer - there are lots of opportunities to love and be loved. If you're specifically talking about love in the context of a romantic relationship, it's perfectly possible for most people. They just need realistic standards and decent boundaries.
I don't know why you say that "Very few people are successful at the love thing" - what's your definition of "success" here?
@Allen1812 Do you define success as relationships that never end or change? Why would that be?
I consider myself to have been very successful in love. I've been polyamorous since my teens and had a number of marvelous relationships, both monogamous and polyamorous. Some of those have ended or transitioned in various ways for the good of all involved. I've never been alone unless I wanted to be alone, and I have pretty high standards for who I will spend time with. I've been with my nesting partner for four years and have no reason to think we'll split up, but if it happens, I won't be dejected. I'm talking to a few other people right now who I might explore dating, but I haven't decided on that yet. I'm putting a lot of energy into work at the moment, so I don't know that I have the time to do justice to another partner or partners.
If a fat grandmother with high standards can always have good prospects despite being an atheist in the Bible Belt, I figure most people can do it. They just have to let their light shine in whatever they do. I will admit that living in a very active metro area (Atlanta) gives me a wealth of opportunities, but I didn't find it difficult when I was in Omaha for a bit, either.
Do reptiles feel love? It's a question, in my opinion, worth thinking about carefully.
However, as mammals, we certainly do. I have read that it's an evolutionary adaptation, the fact that we feel it for our young, and our mates, allows us to form social bonds that make us, as creatures, more biologically successful. We can take more time to mature, and be protected during the fragile time of gestation, allowing for larger brain development, and a larger skill-set with which to survive.
As far as romantic love....well, that could be made-up....but there is LOTS of anecdotal evidence of people falling in love even when they didn't buy into the premise. So it can't just be cultural brain-washing on a large scale. We're probably hard-wired to seek companionship, and sex PLUS companionship is a two-for-one special too appealing to pass up.
I love my children. In the biological sense we bonded to each other and I protect, nurture, and care for them. My bond with them transcends any other attachment with another person. If it wasn't for all that oxytocin we'd probably not have survived as a species.
‘’I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard Morty then it slowly fades leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are going to do it. Break the cycle Morty, rise above, focus on science.’’ - Rick Sanchez
Recently one of our members posted a link to a clinical description of love & attraction. I took it as well researched, but so creepy I couldn’t finish … and didn’t post an opinion or response ..it had me that rattled. It’s so hardwired, and what I’d been ‘proud of feeling’ was some kind of pure attraction was actually the equivalent of a drug or dopamine rush.. Messed with me for days.
I suspect we’ve all wished there was ‘a switch’ we could flip on or off with regard to ‘love.’ There’ve been numerous times I’d likely have had it welded to the off position… But still find myself too easily wound up over the possibilities..
I’d actually had a wonderful romantic love affair, culminating in two sincerely loved children. So, in a way, it worked. But, it appears to be fleeting, or at least evolves into different stages.. Eventually, it felt forced, and after a good 30 years, ended.
Perhaps it shouldn’t last ‘forever,’ as I’m sure it rarely does. Permanent bonding doesn't fit our primate profile, and though we’re pretty good at overriding our instincts, we eventually falter. And, that’s not the end of life, only one segment.. But having looked … I can’t find the link to that clinical description ..and don’t know if I really want to know. A life of ignorant bliss appears to work for the religious
That clinical evaluation is just that , it does not include the spiritual or emotional results of living life and is fact a nice to know but minor detail.
The clinical, even chemical aspect of it has definitely been incorporated into human cultures. But what I had [as opposed to "I'd"] thought was so personal, so internal ..is apparently more of a (well researched & documented) programmed process than some spontaneous attraction due to cosmic chemistry I’m sure attraction plays a role, and of course social training and morays, but almost instantly becomes an internal process or reaction beyond our control…
As mentioned, I don’t remember the details.. and don’t know that I want to ..but it sure took what I’d have described as ‘pure love’ out of the equation
[another edit due to unintended garbled syntax due to simple punctuation I’ve not figured out how to avoid...]
A lot of people get lust, romance, intimacy, and love confused with each other. It is quite the dilemma though as those 4 things can exist in one relationship or they can be independent of each other.
I'll take you up on that, Allen. There is a mental development cutoff for love, and I think as people grow more, they learn to do more loving, rather than just feel it, and those feelings don't control as much. They are also contextualized better.
I think people take love as a means of survival because they haven't learned how to find someone who will do the loving to them.
For example, last night, I communicated with a very loving woman over the phone. Right now, she is loving me by not ringing my phone while I am busy.
I think that love needs to be thought of in very sheer, but very numerous tactics for keeping and tightening the relationship. I guess the tightness could only go so much in the situation when children are involved, because they will need the lion's share of loving interaction, being just children.
@Allen1812 I agree. I used to be a user myself, to be honest, but I got that out of my system. I learned that it is important to take a needed and learn to effectively and safely manage one's own testosterone by having lots of with the same girl, so those emotions aren't chased after anymore. I was able to kick junk food and other habits the same way-indulging ad nauseum! Things like that make a person mature a LOT.
Great question!
The myth of romantic love helps the society maintain a healthy birth rate and provide parental care for the children. Earlier the institution of marriage and religion were sufficient to ensure this. Now that these institutions are not so central, the myth of romantic love has replaced them. We claim that love makes you happy and it is your right to pursue happyness. Indeed with the initial passionate love we do feel happy with our raging hormones. After that, it's all a matter of belief. You believe you have found your partner, or not.
This is how I think about romantic love, but don't really have much experience.
Great answer
Love is complicated, rare and beautiful when you find/develop it.
Love is a wishing well.
....
Actually I think it's a mostly useless word, buried by its implications and subject to the meaning whoever is saying it and/or hearing it puts on it, which are seldom the same.
yup