Not everyone who has a child is qualified to be a parent.
Unfortunately for you, your mother is one of those people.
Glad you are safe and were able to protect yourself.

My mother's third husband made a pass at me twice. The only reason that he stopped was because I threatened to tell my mother. Ten years later my mother and I were talking, and she told me laughing that my older sister told her that the same man cornered my sister but she didn't believe her. I then told her that he attempted to assault me twice. She sat, dumbfounded and then asked me why I didn't tell her. I replied that I didn't because I knew without a doubt I would have gotten the same reaction that she gave my sister.

this hurts my heart terribly; having raised a daughter on my own, I know how lucky I am that she and I talk about everything - and if she tells me something, I know I can believe it. Seeing people share their experiences on this makes me even more sad that so many have had to live with things like this for years.

You have strength - of character, and of mind, to stand up the way you did.

As a woman who grew up in the 50s and 60s in a culture that did not value girls and women in the same way it did men, we had many similar experiences that we would never have even related to our mothers, because we were afraid that they would have blamed us for instigating the behavior. The really sad thing was that women were as responsible, if not more, for treating other women with the same prejudice they had resented for years.

It was true that young women would keep silent after being raped rather than report it because they were afraid of being blamed. I had an incident on my 19th birthday where a man I had a date with tried it, but I fought, and bit him so hard I drew blood. I got away, but I was still afraid to report him because he was a local DJ and I thought the police would never believe me.

Since then I have always encouraged girls and young women to do what they feel is right, that no means no and that they should not let anyone change their mind into doing something they don't feel comfortable doing.

You were special! You still are. You stood up for yourself and that's very special. Keep up the good work!

God I fucking hate childhood, let's never be young again.

Sorry your mom didn't believe you and pissed at her reaction when he came looking for you.

My guess as to how you knew your mom was wrong and he was dangerous was basic gut instinct. As to how you had the strength was probably a combination of adrenalin, flight/fight and the will to live.

Kinda makes me want to have a sit-down-chat with your mom.

You had a good sense of right and wrong from an early age? You had a very strong and clever survival instinct? The way I look at it you did what you needed to do to protect yourself. I hope you haven't been or ever will be in that position again. As to your mother I'm not surprised based on some things you've said about her in previous posts. Maybe that asshat, predatory guy knew he'd get away with it because he knew what your mother was like. Peace

Nice mom.

You somehow found it in yourself, Josephine. I'm inclined to believe that with a mom who's that callous (sorry if offensive), you probably had to defend/protect yourself more than once over the years and picked up skills you didn't know you had?

You hear people say go with your gut. You did it, and it stuck. To me, this is bravery, doing what you know is right in the face of your own fear and isolation. I'm sorry it happened to you, but your response was highly commendable. Don't be too hard on your mom, we are all limited by our respective paths. Sounds like she came around in the end, at least I hope she did.

Divorce your mother . More correct to call she who born you .

I have two daughters and worry quite a bit about what they are going to have to deal with... it’s up to us men to call out the bad behavior of other men every time we see it.. men like that are not men! I’m glad you have good instincts. And now with our commander and predator the example to our youth is more disgusting than ever.

It came from inside you because that is who you are. You know that you don’t deserve that shit.

My mother was batshit crazy too. My father was absent and it sounds like yours was too. I have come to believe that when a child is faced with the reality that they are alone they often can’t face the full meaning of this because it means they are helpless and that is terrifying to a child. The child still has some ability to think and see bullshit. The insight you had may seem to have come from somewhere else because if YOU acknowledged that YOU knew this situation was bullshit then the reality of the rest or your life could overwhelm you.

Yeah. That's a common reaction from some women, to see other women even their daughters as competition. It's horrible and I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Your mom should have her butt paddled, or worse.

Adrenaline and fear usually accomplish unexpected things

Wow!

I'm, sorry you didn't get the support or protection you deserved. I'd have gotten anyone who tried that with my daughter arrested (although I imagine she would have hurt him pretty badly first), and if he came looking for her later I would have hurt him myself.

As a 12 y.o.,it must have been a gut wrenching isolating feeling to have executed an instinctive violent action against an adult (that we are supposed to respect) and then not having your mother's support. You're probably stronger for it now. Be strong and kind.

I don't know how I knew to do that! - You have millions of generations of your ancestors genes in you, they can guide you.

Those who have been victimized themselves, as your mom obviously was, sometimes become callous to new victims. It might be self-protection - a way to not relive their own hurt. Maybe try to get her to open up about her own experiences...

It sounds like you got very lucky. The outcome was clearly not a result of proper upbringing but in that moment you decided you would not be a victim, and that is courageous. This event more likely than not helped to define who you, triumph over adversity at a young age builds strong character. It's unfortunate that as a society we don't regularly build it in more positive manners.

Regardless, you are bad ass.

Irish Mammys..love them to bits, ..but...they love to talk and criticise and sometimes they literally don't hear, listen, or believe you in a crisis.. they think everything is an exaggerated tall story..just when you really need them...it can be soul destroying.
I'm really sorry as a man that you had to go through that at any age but ..so young..what a shot he was... I am also angry that your mom didn't take action..and tell that prick's wife what happened even by telephone to warn her and tell him to keep his filthy hands to himself. Hope you are over all that now.

What a horrible story.

It makes me angry when victims are disbelieved and blamed, especially by those who are supposed to care for them.

Internalised misogyny is powerful and it sounds like your mother has it. That man should have been put on the sex offenders register.

How did you know how to do that?... Perhaps your self worth and sense of justice were activated as well as your fight or flight response? Fear is powerful too and I guess you sensed you were in real danger of being raped.