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So, which is MOST important, a physical attraction or a psychological attraction? Does having great physical enjoyment offset eally ENJOYING someone, or vice versa? True, BOTH can happen, but if it was "either, or?"

Connolly42 5 May 10
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24 comments

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8

I always look at it rather lightheartedly:

No physical attraction, but psychological attraction = friend.

Physical attraction, but no psychological attraction = eye candy.

Both physical, and psychological attraction = pinch me I'm dreaming.

.......and the thing that for me can kill physical attraction............. smoking! Ugggggghhhhh (just thought I'd randomly throw that in there)

@Connolly42 I knew you'd appreciate it C42 😉 You seem to be experiencing some frustration! Have you tried deep breathing........ yoga ............ meditation???....... 😉

6

If we are talking about establishing relationships, I need that mental connection. The older I get the more that becomes a priority. I've become attracted to men after I've gotten to know them, even though I may not have been particularly attracted to them initially.

I find this to certainly be true. Once I get to know a person - and if their personality is particularly appealing or there is something about who they are that is amazing or attractive - then I start to notice physical traits that are appealing to that I might have overlooked before

@HeraTera yes...exactly

6

This is very difficult. As a visual person I want to have that physical attraction but on the other side I want someone with whom I can have a great conversation with. But to be honest I think there is the other layers of compatability and trust, if you are looking for a long term relationship. So I did not really answer your either/or question. I just muddied the waters. Maybe that is why I'm single.

5

There are some bare minimums that have to be met or I'd be celibate. But once those are met, psychological, it's not even close. If she's a jerk, no amount of beauty can offset that; once someone who has won my trust and admiration they get better looking in my mind.

5

I have stayed with a Boring guy far more weeks than I should have because he was better looking than Alan Jackson, and a nice person, but .............he had to go!
My favorite "type" could resemble/be Rumplestiltskin, if he made me laugh & liked to dance!

3

Chemistry is not unimportant, of course, but for myself, there has to be a connection of the mind and the spirit. That's what I have always sought.

2

Depends on what you're looking for.

2

Both or nothing at all.

2

Depends on what I'm after generally if i find you interesting well you could look like a supermodel and I'd still only be after your mind if im looking to screw around well any willing participant will do

2

Hard to say. Always had the physical attraction to exes and last relationship had both.

2

One night stand or looking for a relationship, if I hate your personality it's a no for me.

zayy Level 2 May 10, 2018
2

Depends, when one is young and without experience, a physical attraction is what matters most but as time goes along one certainly sees that it is only skin deep, and sometimes not even that deep either.

2

For me personally it is the psychological attraction that gets me going. I love having a good conversation or enjoy the wilderness with someone, but saying that as I am almost 6 foot and look like a stout German if a guy can make me feel smaller -wow look out.

Perhaps it's just me but your statement confuses me. You claim that it is the psychological but all you mention are physical attributes with a bit of ethnic spice or sauerkraut.

I think I must clarify my statement. I must Feel weaker, smaller, taken care of, and probably every other subtle misogynistic behavior out there. I am a feminist, I can and have always taken care of my daughter (a third wave feminist) and all car, home, issues.

@Sonya456 I agree AS I AM 6'5" wanting to look up to a powerful woman all the while being her Feminist Atheist hero fighting side by side against all theocrats darkening our door

2

I'd say it varies from person to person. Some skew towards physical being more important and others think psychological is more important. And there's a bunch of people who probably fall in the middle with thinking both are important.

I kinda need both or I'm going to be dissatisfied and that'll manifest in me being a poophead 😛

1

Whatever allows you to connect is the only thing that is important

1

Physical, as you can always have platonic for the rest.

1

I guess it is impossible to divorce one from the other. The appearance translates into a psychological effect. I was very close to two women: one with a body that suited me perfectly and the other with more psychological advantages, one an artist and the other a science oriented person. Both frequently invited me to comment on their physcial attributes. Together they complemented each other. So I often thought about the fundamental question of attraction, but could never really come to any deeper insight. I guess the problem is that the physical is a nice stimulant to commit intercourse. But I like an interesting conversation too. At my age sex consumes at best 30 minutes a week but a week 10080 minutes which leaves 10050 minutes to be filled. I hate to admit that I can talk and listen for hours...
BTW I am convinced that these two charming creatures do not see much of a physical attraction in me. I am short, bald and overweight. So there might be a sex/gender issue. It would be interesting to find out how same sex partners answer your question.

0

If all you have is physical attraction even good sex can get boring if there’s nothing between to live life about.

If all you have is a psychological, or intellectual connection you’ll have a lot better conversation, but that’s not fulfilling on its own.

You can have a mix of each but I find that turns into a relationship built entirely on compromise.

I think it’s important to have a lot in common. But if you share passions then life would always be one turn away from a new adventure.

I’ve given up my passions in the past to spend time with a person who loved what I did until what I was doing wasn’t spending all of our time together. Instead we spent our time together. Doing stuff we’re both ok with doing, but not what either would prefer to be doing...why?

Foggy Level 4 May 14, 2018
0

It depends whether you are an animal or not.

0

Physical only for FWB, psychological only for just friends....both to live together.

0

The body without the mind is worthless and shallow to me. As we age the mind and emotion becomes to be more and more important. Mostly the body needs to represent health.

0

Told myself I was a stress eater for a couple decades. Learned different now, but hated myself in the mirror. Reasonably, psychological should be more important, but I also do not want to look on my partner the way I looked at myself for so long. So it is complicated.

@Connolly42 sorry, that was a long way around to saying that physical still matters as much to me. Might be my limited experience with more than the one relationship..

0

Psychological attraction.

0

Give me physical anyday ?

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