Put yourself first, unless you're ready to be used and hurt. There is such a thing as being too accomodating. When it's right for you, there will be no doubting her motives, etc. Be very careful, especially if you have feelings for her because she can see this as a sign of weakness. You have to respect yourself enough to aim higher with someone who deserves a nice person like you.

She is thinking about herself right now, trying to feel better. It's up to her to help herself, not up to you to help her. You need to think about you right now. That's the best thing you can do for yourself and your self respect. She wants to be rescued. She needs inner strength to get real help. Leaving her alone is the best thing you can do for her and her child - and you.

Reaching out for what help? That is the major question here.

I believe in treating no one worse than I would a stranger. People tell me my ex-wife was taking advantage of me because I helped her load crap that used to be "ours" after the divorce and after I moved out so that she could move. We were both military, I would have helped any soldier. Her sister will ALWAYS be my baby sister too and I would have helped anyone that she asked me to, no questions asked. Of all the parts of me that my marriage damaged and destroyed, there were parts of me that survived and that I respect and cherish enough to swallow my pride and do what I would have done for a stranger.

It doesn't matter if other people think she's using you. What matters is that you respect the part of you that is clearly wanting to help someone. You must also protect yourself. Figure out what your limits should be and find someone who will 100% call you on your bullshit and tell them your limits. Then help as much as you obviously want to within those limits. If you are this torn up about wanting to help her, I am willing to bet you have a few friendships deep enough to call you on it if you let it go beyond your limits.

I know I speak "commandingly" but please take the above with a grain of salt as just my two cents. I don't know you at all, but I hear a voice I recognize in this struggle. Best of luck and if you need an ear, feel free to PM me.

RUN!

draw the line.

When I feel someone is trying to make their problem my problem.
Takes time with some, others you know it right away.

I'm a woman and I'm willing to say to you, "run for cover". You'll get used and hurt. Save it up for someone who gives a damn about you. And if you don't find that give a damn about yourself

I can only speak for myself. I use some "Get The Away From Me Fu" before i got sucked deeper into that black swirling vortex of drama & chaos.

I'm following this because I've been that girl--somewhat. Never was a user--far from it--and I would never reach out to the social "cloud" for support...but I've frequently been (and still am, ugh) the female friend who doesn't reciprocate feelings. I could really use some insight...

stay away!

Let her sort her own life out. Don't let her suck you into her problems, real or imaginary.

Hey derek, you have feelings for her and sometimes our emotions can affect our rational decision making , but I think you see the writing on the wall, I don't know her but based on what you wrote i think she is manipulative and she is using you. Its seems like your a nice guy and you want to be there for her but at what cost? Good luck, I hope I'm wrong and everything works out for you.

Do not engage! You have withdrawn from her. She's used your feelings for her before. You have no reason to believe anything has changed. She can figure it out on her own. Everybody has to. It's really not that . Deciding to protect yourself does not make you a bad person. Some people don't deserve our help, and it's okay to say so.

The answer is in your own admission. "She has kinda used that before to her advantage" She is not interested in you, sorry but there it is. You are not there to rescue her, if you try, you will drown. Keep away, kill all friendship with her.

I would be cautious at best. If you still care about her I would just step back and help her as a friend if you can. If not I would take a huge step back.

I would feel compelled to help as well. However if she has other people she can count on, then my inkling is to say let her receive help from them.

That's a tough one. Try to help in ways that aren't too personal? I don't know, really, without knowing more about the people and whole situation.