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How do you handle family members that have cut you off or vice versa? Has anyone attempted to reconcile and what were the results?

RapidCityKelly 6 June 2
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17 comments

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Why would your family cut you off?

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Why would I want to have anything to do with people who walked away from me or that I have walked away from? Once I'm done, there's no going back.

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I'm happy to say, that while we may need space and distance sometimes, we don't cut each other out completely. So far; knock on wood.

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They're willfully ignorant bigots and I have mixed grandchildren

Not seeing a reconciliation happening.

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My whole birth family, parents, siblings, cousins etc shat on me from a great height. I maintain some contact with my youngest brother to help him as he now has responsibility for looking after them. He was part of the conspiracy though, so I keep my guard up/

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Most of my siblings ganged up on me eight years ago when my abusive ex started accusing me, in an effort to stop me from divorcing him.

Then my siblings joined in and emailed some terrible things about me, so I moved to Thailand and ignored them.
My one sister who remained friendly with me told a few days that my brothers are now trying to get in touch with me.

Since I'm on Facebook, shouldn't be that difficult. But I've made no effort to reach out to them.

@RapidCityKelly They were already looking for excuse to attack me because I'd been thwarting their efforts to put my then-healthy parents in a nursing home, I suppose so they could sell off the family farm.

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Toxic parents. Cut them off 37 years ago. One attempt at contact due to a sibling's suicide resulted in instructions on what my responsibilities were to them. It was all "I, me,my, mine". Nothing had changed in 37 years of my absence. Good riddence.

@RapidCityKelly Sibling suicide compelled me out of grief. She contacted me 3 years after I wrote her & gave me instructions. Never even told me. It took my aunt to inform me who is a lovely woman. Remove toxic people from your life.

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I have cut off toxic family members. I will not tolerate being treated poorly by anyone, and especially family members. The chips fall? Too bad, it's unfortunate, but to thine own self be true.

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For the most part I just let them go unless I feel I contributed to the fallout and then I will at least apologize for my part in it. If I cut them off it is because I tried to talk to them about the issues and got ignored or even punished for speaking up. I have to say that I think it is impossible to reconcile the differences completely though since there is a lot of emotional damage that took place for it to lead to no contact and if they come back there will always be a question about whether or not they will do it again. Doubts and insecurities do not make for healthy relationships.

@RapidCityKelly I sure can relate to being the only one that ever tries.

@RapidCityKelly Yeah I had to cut the mother out of my life recently because she is a friggin sociopath. I will never understand why I kept trying to have a relationship with her. She even told me once that I am too loving.
The thing that gets me most is how the public views her as a saint. She told me it's not her fault, she has an illness that causes her to lose control so I said "How come you never lost control in the grocery store or at church?"
It has been difficult for me because I do care and they do not but are quite good at pretending to if they need something. I end up in therapy and they go play cards and bitch about me? I finally divorced all the narcissists and am working on doing things for me now but I feel selfish and they are. Oh the irony huh?

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Former Jehovah's witness. Shunned by many family members after more than 30 years. I'm very glad though, because as I learned as a child, "bad association spoils useful habits.". Don't need that in my life. 😉

I don't know if all JW homes are like the ones I went to but the energy was frightening to me. My friends were terrified of their parents and had absolutely no room for error or they got beat. I am glad you got out.

@CreativelyMe That was our experience. Lots of abuse of all types. I was glad when I ran away. I was 15 when I ran away and I've never been back...which makes me very proud because all my other siblings have had to go back at one point or another.

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I have 7 siblings. My beautiful and precious oldest sister suffered from schizophrenia and paranoia and became a homeless person. Despite all of us trying to "rescue" her, there was nothing we could do if she wanted to be out on the street. She bounced around from skid row to tent city and we lost track of her since 2010.

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To give you a decent answer...I think we need to know why they cut you off. I cut mine off at a very young age because they were and still are toxic to me...never wanted to reconcile

Xena Level 6 June 2, 2018
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I got my psycho father out of my life and kept him there for the next 13 years until he had no choice but to have me take over the farm, again. He drove it into the ground! Pun intended. But what he did in my absence is unforgivable and I've been getting the operation back on track since 2013. There was no 'reconciliation', only his death a year ago.

@RapidCityKelly It was time that he went, his physical health was long gone. I'll never mourn him. Rather, I might mourn 'what should have been'. The hell is over and for that I'm glad.

@RapidCityKelly ?

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My 2 half sisters interfered with my kids well being. Thinking in their petty minds that they were doing the righteous thing. I will never talk to either one of them again. They both abandon their kids. I could tell from our last encounter almost 2 years ago they were jealous, because I was actually involved with my kids lifes and put aside all extracurricular actives to put my kids first. They told my daughter then 5 years old that she was a piece of shit to my son they called him a fucken retard. I will never have any contact or communications with either one of them ever again.

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I have not been cut off by any family member but if I was, I would always leave the door open, although I would most likely not pursue it.

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This is a tricky question because it's mutual, and it happened quietly without drama. We just don't "hang out" with each other beyond holidays (and that's mostly to please my mom), and that happened slowly as each side realized that we just don't have anything in common. They are hypocrite evangelicals who voted for 45 and I'm not a believer of any religious stripe and do not support the current administration. So... Sometimes there can't be a "reconciliation" between two sides that have such different views and it's best to peacefully go your separate ways and find a new folks to connect with.

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I stopped communicating with most of my family about 15 years ago. As a group, we seemed pretty dysfunctional, and we collectively showed little or no love and support for each other.

I've never attempted to reconcile with any of them, because it didn't seem to make sense to me to try to foster a connection where no semblance of love remained.

None of them seem particularly eager to reach out to me, either.

If any have any regrets - and it's a minor one - it's my mother died last year, and I don't think she ever fully realized why I terminated contact with her. I sort of wish I had at least sent her a letter to explain myself. But it probably wouldn't have changed anything anyway.

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