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Temper Temper..

A friend of mine stopped by over the weekend, she was telling me about her new job.
Apparently, her boss is a nice guy, but he has a temper.
He’ll all of a sudden get enraged when something isn’t going as planned and scream or throw things out into the street.
She said he has trouble taking responsibility for anything.

How’s your temper? Do you go from 0 to lunatic right away?
Do you throw stuff? Scream?

If you used to have a temper, what steps did you take to change that?

My ex has a temper, I learned to cultivate calm so as to set an example of what I prefer, but it didn’t really help him.

I’ve never been a hot head.

AMGT 8 Feb 28
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45 comments

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0

I have a temper, but I manage it well. lived with a verbally abusive and manipulative wife with a borderline personality disorder, and was frequently legitimately furious, but never hit her. T I only blow my cool verbally (never physically) when a find a person/s behavior and/or words particularly repugnant. If I get angry , I consider my words and actions carefully and if it is important to me, I fight back with planned strategy of words and action -- and have always won (without violence).

12

I don't think I have a terrible temper, but I hold my frustrtions at a simmer too much without release, so occasionally I'll just snap at someone or have a bout of anxiety out of nowhere. So, I'm rarely if ever at a '10' on the rage-o-meter, but I might go from a '2' to '5' pretty quickly (even if I'm still restraining so it looks like a '3' ).

8

Yoga helped to silence my temper. I stay calm now. Once I learned that anger blocks clear thought, I understood it was a useless vehicle of emotion

7

I had a bit of a temper when I was younger. It cooled off with age and I realized that it didn't any good anyway.

I had a boss that was a little temperamental, but mostly he was just a dick.

6

I grew up with a father who would scream profanities and hit, kick, or throw objects when he was frustrated. I never felt safe around him, and to this day I am hypervigilant to anger. I get seriously sketched out whenever someone around me is venting their anger in an uncontrolled manner.

I'm generally very easy-going, tolerant, and forgiving. I rarely get angry. I'm also very self-aware and invested in emotional self-regulation, so even when I do get upset, I generally handle it well.

That having been said, I scared the shit out of myself several years ago in an incident in which (after egregious provocation) i punched someone in the eye. That was a shocking, terrifying departure from the loving, peaceful, passive nature I recognize in myself.

I learned that day that for all my hippy dippy tendencies, somewhere deep inside me is a violent temper. And it's my responsibility to remove myself from provocation that might arouse it. Fortunately, Ive felt the presence of that temper only twice in my life--im rarely ever in situations where someone is purposely trying to piss me off, so it's not anything I lose sleep over. I just have the knowledge, now, that if anyone ever does relentlessly get in my face with full-bore assholery, I need to walk away immediately.

6

I have never had much temper. Anger, sure. But not explosive, not temper. I like to think of anger as a healthy motivator to confront wrongs, injustices, and heartless insensitivity. But temper threatens to drive the train off a cliff, so to speak, which usually does more harm than good. I find a key to avoiding explosive temper is to learn assertiveness and avoid bottling up feelings just for the sake of conflict avoidance. Those bottles have a way of eventually exploding.

6

Some days I am a Buddha and some days I am Donald Trump

More of the former and less, much less, of the latter, let us hope!

@pnullifidian again, depends on the day lol I am less orange and less wealthy and I don't actively attack anyone and everyone that disagrees with me....often

@pnullifidian but I have been known to throw my phone and punch walls because I was irritated by something completely benign. Like I said though, some days I am enlightened and nothing angers me

so basically you're a Bump?

@SeeCanU budhumpist

lol... i like buds too!. i'm a quasianthropasophicalcamusticexostentialist.

Interesting and hard to understand combination? 😉

5

I’m passionate about being alive and the things I do - this sometimes translates into having a temper. That means some people are worried I’ll hit them, or start throwing things, breaking shit, etc., and though I could do those things, and have in the past, I made a very conscious decision NOT to be that guy.
Instead, I punch a speed bag or punching bag, I work out, I write, I tell the person who pissed me off what they did to get me there. Sometimes I find out it was a miscommunication, it’s all on me & I apologize; sometimes, the other person realizes they’re the ones being a douchebag, and they apologize.

Exactly! @Akfishlady

5

I could be a hot head but learned very very early in life there is nothing that tee's another person off like being calm and collected in a crisis. It also does nothing to yell and screem to correct a problem of any type. So be the hero and do not fly off the handle and you will get better results.

5

I don’t think I have a bad temper, but how would I know? Seems like others can see what we can not.

Lol I suppose not @AMGT

@AMGT a good way to put it.

4

It takes me long to time to get pissed to the breaking point..when I do everything just gets vomited out..for maybe 20 minutes...it's mostly shouting..then crying..I don't think I ever thrown anything though I did have my 25th Bday cake thrown At me, it missed Dammit!!!

4

Depends on where I'm at. Currently not in the greatest place so not much of an emotional buffer there. Too much too close to the surface. Even with the way I am now have never resorted to physical violence. Because of my size, strength (I could hurt someone) and strong empathy have almost never got in a physical confrontation. Not even much as a kid. Other than talking to others (thanks @AMGT and @Akfishlady) I've been trying to find things that provoke a strong emotional response as an outlet like crying or laughing. Have used music to get my anger out too (see my post THRASH ABOUT) .

Gettin' hairy enough to be one! 🙂 @AMGT

Thank you @Akfishlady !

3

See the kid in the meme? That's me at about that age, had a lot of trouble controlling my temper. Didn't help that I was way smarter than my parents. I don't lose it anymore, and that's a good thing cause I could hurt someone if I did.

I think I finally realized that getting angry was about me and MY problems. It still can be hard to not get pissed when things don't 'go my way', but have learned to realize I cannot control the universe.

3

I can get highly irritated sometimes, but it passes fairly quickly.
But, I have a lot of suppressed rage from my lots of my past....i scare ME when it comes out, which is maybe 5 or 6 times in my life. Just awful uncontrollable inappropriate bug-eyed yowza!
I hope it never happens again.....since I know it is in there, lying in wait.
On the other hand, a burglar or car-hacker? Not going to have a good day!!,

3

Having worked in prisons for many years, I learned to never show anger by getting loud or yelling, even in response to someone else. It only makes things worse. I am retired now and am much more likely to get frustrated or angry enough with myself to take it out on nearby inanimate objects than I am to get provoked into an argument or showing temper towards another person.

3

Mines very managable with the exception of the totally cross the line shit.

3

I once worked with a supervisor who liked to yell at people. One night (3rd shift), he started screaming at a coworker and me. As soon as he stopped to take a breath, I told him if he couldn't speak to me in a normal tone of voice, to not speak to me at all, and I walked away. I reported him to HR. As it ended up, I was fired shortly thereafter. Which was fine. I found another job I liked even better.

2

My dad had a horrible temper when I was growing up. It taught me how I don't want to be. I tend to be more laid-back. I pop off at the mouth at stupid drivers, and I have a few triggers, but rarely do I have tantrums even if I'm fuming inside. I've only gone into full Hulk rage a few times in my life, mostly when literally backed into a corner, which could be excused as fight or flight mode. If truly pissed off I go silent. That tends to scare people more. 🙂

2

My temper is my biggest weakness. well, that and chocolate. I try to maintain an even keel and stay focused on the middle - but my temper drives me to one side or the other. It's rather frustrating. How to deal with it? I try to maintain some distance for objectivity (often thru meditation) and see the balance playing out in a situation. For instance ... Trump is a horrid bozo but perhaps his bozoness is the thing that will make citizens lose their apathy and actually get involved in politics thru voting and staying informed.

2

I matured... but saying that, I don't put up with anyone that has a temper.

2

I'm calm, calm, calm till I'm right in the corner and then I'm a potential serial killer.

you won't piss me off, I hate being upset and you really have to push. hulk smash. from the little I've learned you seem very nice @AMGT

1

I am not easily offended but if I do get mad, it's ugly.

1

I am patient to a fault, slow to anger. I rarely lose my temper. Frustrated and or irritated is about all I allow myself.

I do have a terrible temper once it is loosed. Only happened a few times in 49 years.

The worst time I lost it was as a teen, by little brother was constantly teasing me and trying to rile me up.

I finally snapped and chased him down with a butcher knife, I knocked him to the ground in a field near our house and had the knife at his throat. For a split second I considered how to dispose of the body, and then I came to my sense. He was screaming at me to "Do it!" At that point I simply chose to never allow myself to get that angry again and have successfully avoided any murders, knifings, etc.

As an adult, I have never ever been in a real fight.

On the other hand stifling my anger has not been so great for mental health. I have learned to express it more and bottle it up a lot less. 😛

Still one of the most patient people you could meet, though.

I am grateful and lucky you are so patient. Lol

1

Well, as a child, I was hyperactive. So I could do drama. But my folks helped refine it until I reached my teens. I can seeth but I don't indulge in wanton acts of destruction. Online gaming seems to tweek my frustration. And I might regress. But with people it seems easier to stay the course. Go figure.

1

I rarely get angry. You really have to work at it t piss me off. And when I do get angry, it's mild and short lived. Anger is such a waste of energy.

Duke Level 8 Feb 28, 2018
1

There was a time when I was a frickin lunatic. Mine was because I had some stressful stuff going on at home that I wasn't dealing with. I haven't raged in 10 years. I used to every day.

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