Agnostic.com

28 3

My ex has started taking my 7 year old son to a baptist church. I was raised mormon but I don't practice or beleive in any religion. I have sole custody, does anyone have any input or advice?

My ex started taking my son to a baptist church

Pashun461 3 Mar 30
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

28 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

15

At age 7 a child is old enough to understand that one can politely comply with the wishes of a parent while still thinking for themselves. Teach your child how to think critically, give them examples of other beliefs that are observed in the world, and allow the child to make up his own mind. He will anyway.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 30, 2018

Deb, I think you nailed it.

13

My ex-wife did this as well. I didn't find out until my son told me that gay people are going to hell. I pointed out that his favorite aunt was gay and asked if he thought that she deserved to go to hell? He said there was no way she was going to go to hell. So he told me where he learned this and we agreed that if he had any issues about going to church then he should just come to me and ask me and I would give him the logical answer he was looking for. He now claims he's an atheist and was recently banned from the church my ex-wife goes to because he had an argument with the sunday school teacher about Noah's flood and Jonah getting swallowed by a whale.

I smiled when I read your child was banned from the church because he had opposing ideas and questions that they could not answer. I was once that child. The leader compared me to the lions that ate the Christians. I just wanted some reasonable answers and "just believe it" wasn't enough.

I love stories like this. They give me hope for our future. 🙂

9

I separated from my ex when my daughter was seven. She went to church a few times, and then started reciting a lot of the stuff she was told in church.

I was thinking to myself, 'Ah shit, here we go.'

Then she asked me if adults really believe that crap and said that it's all pretty dumb in her opinion. She also told me that she wanted to keep going to church because she loves singing. I was extremely proud of my child that day.

Don't worry. Kids aren't as gullible as we tend to think.

JimG Level 8 Mar 30, 2018
5

Encourage him to question everything. Teach him how to learn for himself. That will equip him with the tools to deal with delusional people for the rest of his life.

4

Take him to visit other church/temple/catherdrel/etc. services and explain to him that there are many forms of beliefs , and let him make up his own mind .

3

I had exactly the same situation to live through. In order to avoid conflicting my children's minds at such a young age I decided to foster a sense of fairness and open mindedness. I told them there are over 4,200 religions and thought ideologies on earth today. I told them there is also science which they will learn about in school. I told them what i believed. I encouraged my sons to visit a church, read about Buddhism, Islam, and the other major religions in the world as they get older and then decide if any of it or none of it resonates with them. This worked well with all three. I hope it helps you.

Here is a link that might help guide your conversation with him.

[en.wikipedia.org]

3

Record your conversations with your child during debriefings. You will need this as proof.

If he in any way reveals he is afraid of satan or hell, call you lawyer, and Child Protective Services and register a child abuse claim.

My grand daughter woke up screaming when she was about 5 because the devil was coming for her. The inlaws are loonies.

3

I also was raised Mormon, an dit gave me a great antipathy for organized religion in general.

You might try chanigng his visitation days to NOT include sundays.

You might also counter by teachign him that the Bible stories are just more fairytales, but that could make your relatioship with your ex contentious.

Perhaps th ebest course woudl be just to explainthat you don't believe what your ex believes and it is up to your son to decide what he belkieves an dyou are always willing to talk with him about it.

3

Does he have visitation rights on weekends? If so, you may not have a lot to say about it. Since the laws vary so much by state down here and you are in Canada, you should check with the court or a lawyer.

This is to be taken very seriously. I was put into Christian day school in the first grade, I started having nightmares because I was being threatened daily with hell & damnation. Religion is clearly a form of child abuse. Introduce him to other religions for comparison and buy a book on logic and read it with him until he gets it. This can actually be turned into a positive that will benefit him for life. Good luck!

2

Are there any children’s books about evolution?

BarbR Level 3 Mar 30, 2018

[amazon.com]

2

What's so wrong with just telling him you don't want your kid exposed to that bullshit?

2

I consider it an expanding of knowledge. Talk to your son when he comes back about the experience. Let him explore and decide for himself.

I say this because I have enjoyed a journey of discovery by being exposed to any faith system I can find. Do I go into gory depths? No, but I read lightly on anything I can find and try to see which is... 'more'?... than any other because of the ongoing, ever present, conflict among the faiths. What I have found is an overwhelming amount of similarity which gives ponder. I mean, compare the Olympic pantheon with that of the Norse, both have a father, both have a primal son, a mother, etc. Same is true for the other major faiths.

I find this fascinating and I also find that it weakens the case for any ONE religion being absolutely right for ALL humans. Thus strengthening the case for all religions to shut up and let people believe as they will rather than fighting over having a longer scwantz, er, list of names, than anyone else! This includes letting people choose none of the above.

It doesn't have to be conflict. It can be exploration. It might lead to your son being faithful, but, again, that doesn't have to cause any strife, unless you choose to be that strife... or your Ex does (but, let him be the asshole). 🙂

1

So the brainwashing & indoctrination begins. He's not being given a choice. Give him other options maybe.

Emme Level 7 Apr 3, 2018
1

Be careful there. Your son has to be made aware of that one does not believe in things without any evidence to support it. I made this very clear to my daughter when she was that age. She is now 16 and looks like she is as atheist as me. I was in a private Catholic school from grammar school until high school. I had more trouble there and had several heated arguments with the nuns and priests. The important thing is that one knows not to believe in fairy tales with the threat of punishment for eternity as Christians like to promote. If they cannot give you evidence then simply do not believe it. One important point is not to bring too much attention to your son in school because he does not have Christian beliefs, most of which are mythology. You unfortunately have to tell your son not to make many waves and bring negative attention to himself at school. As long as he knows, he will go through school with minimal problems. Hope this helps.

1

If you don't like it talk to your lawyer.

1

""He who pays the piper calls the tune."" If you have custody and pay for your son's support I think you have the right to stop the brain washing.

@Clare Thanks for the vote

1

If you have sole custody, you have the legal right to forbid it, if necessary you can go to court for that. You have the argument that you don't want your child to be indoctrinated into a certain belief system. That you don't mind if your child chooses for some or any religion as soon as he reaches the age of adulthood. But not as long as he is a child and vulnerable for brainwashing or other influences that can limit his free will.

Gert Level 7 Mar 30, 2018
1

Invite the ex over for dinner. Later that night, hide the body in the freezer in the garage. Be sure you buy a portable black light so you can be sure there are no traces left.

1

"Just because someone--anyone: me, your other parent, your teacher, anyone--wants you to believe or think or feel something, that doesn't mean you have to. Only you are in charge of what you believe, think, and feel--no matter what anyone says about it.

"Not sure about what I'm saying? Think about it for a while. See what you think. Think about how it feels. Make up your own mind as to whether you think what I'm saying is true or not. We can always talk about it some more; I'll answer any questions you have."

1

When my niece started questioning, I bought books the taught about religions of the world to expose her to all the different opinions available. I explained their beliefs then countered with my own. I just made sure to let her know that no one knows for sure and that all positions were just opinion. Some opinions are just more knowledgable and educated about the options than others.

1

I would be hesitant to impose your views regarding religion to a child. If you go anti they are likely to rebel. I think it is a valuable exercise to explain to your child what your views are and that they need to come to their own conclusions.

0

If you have sole custody just tell him you don't want your sin indoctrinated and if acess is at your discretion don't give it at those times.
Acess is for father and child to know each other, not for him to pass off care to someone else, if he is not going to spend quality time with his son, what is the point?

0

From an early age, I taught my son that some people believe one thing, I believe another. Explain that you don't believe the same things as his father and the people at that church because their beliefs conflict with the things you have learned about science.

Teach him yourself about the beliefs of others and how they seem silly when held up to scrutiny. Teach him to ask questions.

0

That would be hard to deal with. I think all you can do is explain to him why you don't share those beliefs. If it is any consolation I live in a very small rural town in the bible belt and my kids probably have been to every Vacation Bible Class at every Baptist Church in the area, just for something to do in the summer. There are ALOT of Churches. They are 18 and 20 now and both Godless Heatherns. Hopefully logic and reason will win.

marym Level 4 Apr 1, 2018
0

Although, I am not the custodial parent. In that situation I have decided to allow my 12 year old son to make his own decision in this area. Particularly, because he really wants to emulate his Dad. I am careful to not try to push him towards unbelief. He, beyond everything else, needs to be his own man!

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:46461
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.