You are clinically depressed. I know, I am too. Try to get help, no guarantees though as a high percentage don't respond. It's usually self-limiting but not always.

I hope you are getting some professional help because it sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression. If you haven’t already done so, please seek help as soon as possible.

Important to see a health professional immediately for assistance.

There are many ways out of these feelings but professional guidance is required.

Good luck

I can truly understand where you are coming from, I've been through things somewhat similar many times in my 60+ years of life and none worse than sitting by and only able to watch and do very little at all as my beloved daughter succumbed to Lymphatic cancer in January 2001.
It literally tears you apart from the inside out, the pain, anguish, helplessness, grief, the blackness and despair in your mind and heart crushes down on you like tons of bricks every second of every day for years and years but there is somewhat good news, though the memories, both bad and good, always remain with you, things DO get better, slowly, not quickly, but they do improve over time and it also takes a bit of effort from as well.
When you are feeling down, try to find some good things from life to remember, do something spontaneously that you would not normally do that will cheer you up just that little bit each time, find a movie that makes you laugh until to cry, smile cheerfully and say Hello to any complete stranger you pass in the street, etc, keep a personal journal with everything in it including your up days and your down days, write poetry, find a hobby that is productive and gets you out the house/flat, etc, by doing that the warmth of the sun can often cause the release of endorphines that will result in helping you feel better and better about yourself and the world around but, most important of ALL, stay clear of people with an attitude of total Negativity for they will ONLY bring you down with them.
And Friend, like ever so many others here, I'm here to help, listen and help you find your own out these doldrums so PLEASE don't be shy and afraid to drop any of us a message whenever you feel you need our help.

The longer I live the more I feel like you. I just turned 74. You are still here because you are not dead yet. You feel as you do because someone is always trying to manipulate your emotions for their own gain.

Go and seek help. There are many organizations that can help you get out of that depression. You can start by calling them, see this [samhsa.gov]

Yeah, 41 sucks. I remember that time well. 2007. Back then I was a husband, father of 4, former navy nuke with a budding criminal defense trial practice. In the span of 15 months the wheels fell off:

• my loser half-brother raped my young daughter;
• my mom was committed to a home and later died;
• my father had a stroke and died;
• my wife took the kids and left me;
• my career turned into a shambles from stress; and
• on Aug 29th (just shy of 2 weeks past my 41st bday) I had not one but 2 heart attacks and died on the way to the hospital.

The ambulance was on the way to the VA hospital following the 1st heart attack, but the subsequent forced them to stop at the hospital near me that my dad had been an administrator at for 30 years. I spent 2 weeks at ICU then cardiac care after a triple bypass involving the left anterior descending artery (the widowmaker). Even today I can barely piece memories together of that time. I don't think there was anything else life could take from me. No home, no family, no job, bad health. Basically everything I had considered important in life. So where was this "god" that had been promised all my life? nowhere to be found.

I had left the baptist church many years before that and I just lived without any set of beliefs. I never bought their morality bullshit about some dude in the sky deciding if I was doing right or not. I knew that wasn't right. I left it after laying in bed one night bawling because I thought I'd go to hell for thinking about boobies and I couldnt get boobies out of my mind. I figured if I was destined to go to hell then I sure as shit wasn't hanging around these bastards. But at 41 that left me completely alone in the world.

Don't remember exactly what it was that sparked the change. It was probably the psych meds I got from VA. I was filling my time watching movies and I remembered a Bill Murray movie from the 80's where the guy's life turned to shit in a similar fashion. The Razor's Edge. I watched it again. Then a couple more times and found the book by M. Somerset Maughm. After that I watched and read that Tibet journey story that Brad Pitt was in. I watched these things because they kept stressing that my losses were actually a blessing.

To cut the long story short I ended up studying secular buddhism and even lived at the Kopan monastery for a spell north of the Kathmandu valley in Nepal. I learned that human suffering was just the difference between expectations and reality. Thus the key was to be happy with the reality. I was a pauper now but I also didnt have many bills or responsibilities. I changed my law practice to mostly pro bono and a few meager misdemeanor pleas - but only working a few hours a week. I learned to meditate and clear my mind to get rid of the overwhelming stress. I started living the life I chose to live vice the one that was expected of me.

I spent years as a monk studying the vedas, then as a hindu sannyasin as I didnt agree with the current buddhist views on parts of the upanishads. Today I am a vedic nondualist. No gods, no mysticism, just math and science as truth. I dug deep deep deep into religious history and doctrine and pieced together what I figure to be the tie between all religions. Now I understand we're all destined for the same fate there's just different ways of getting there. If people wanna make it hard then that's what they do. thats hell. But it can also be really easy. You just have to learn the true nature of man as pure consciousness. Once I accepted this body was just a suit for consciousness to wear life became so much easier. But the prozac helped also.

You can find your own path too. Read. You have a gift in that your time is more your own than others experience. Learn and experience everything you can. Travel, eat, suffer, go diving, go surfing, do it all. Thats why we're here. To experience the cool parts of life. Don't let the shitty parts take that away. namaste

jagat mithya II viveka
satyambhaja kalpitamkuru adharmamtyaja
atmaneva atmana tustah
ayam brahmasmi

Om shanti shanti shanti

I was at a particularly devastating point in my life at 41. I’m only a few years from that now. It was hard to hope for anything and finding a way to just feel neutral was a unmanageable task. Knowing that others are struggling didn’t inspire a feeling of camaraderie. More often it just made me hurt more. Everything hurt. There was a famine of hope.

Having been through this before I strapped in and endured. I abandoned lots of things that I wanted. I tried to accept reality for what it is little by little. On this day now I can say I’m closer to a calm mind. My hearts is a bit more numb and I’m starting to feel OK without the need for hope.

I think you can eventually feel OK too.

feel you.

I'm tired. Tired of struggling. Tired of doctors and pills and talking until I'm blue in the face, something always happens and makes the depression cycle harder to break each time, for me.

I lost my belief in a god when I was 11 and raped and beat every single day for over a year by my step brother. I finally became pregnant, more beatings for me trying to kill the fetus, didn't work.

My dad and stepmom are so very Christian and they took me in, forced me to go to church three times a week, clean their house everyday ( while her children laid around), and I absolutely had NO choice on what happened to the baby. It was going to be put up for adoption, to a Church of God Christian family ( not a Catholic family which was my religion at the time), and I was going to go to live at some facility at the end of my pregnancy to hide me ( in 1989). I would be on e streets of I wanted to raise the baby and abortion was NOT an option for them. They both then decided to quit their jobs "to care for me" and then the lack of money caused friction between them. That lead to fights and then eventually me listening to my dad screaming and wailing while his stomach was being pumped because he tried to commit suicide.

My life was fucked up well before that, it's been well fucked up since. Some days I'm amazed I'm still here.

Have you considered trying out a new hobby? Gardening is nice, even just in planters on a balcony, there is something very rewarding about growing things, nurturing them along and enjoying the flowers or veggies they give back to us for our efforts. It doesn't have to be a big thing but it may help ease your depression, plants need you if they are going to thrive in your garden.

I want to take this time to thank you all for responding. For the record, I am and have been going to and using "professional help" for many years. It has not helped. I am diagnosed with Bipolar disorder axis b non psychotic. The meds are ineffective and the large majority of the new ones are not an option due to diabetes.
There is a lot of good responses here with stuff I can identify with. You all are truely amazing. I woke up this morning, and was blown away by the sheer number of responses from folks sharing their inner battles. It gives me strength to know that I am not the only one going through/have been through so much. I cannot say what the future holds. None can. I am not joyous, but my worrld does not seem as dark today. I have you all to thank for that.

You should contact a psychologist. It sounds like you’re suffering from chronic major depression.

You may be suffering from clinical depression. (I have been there, done that.) As others have suggested, it may be in your own best interests to seek professional help.

Yes, you are too hard on yourself. Small steps, just small steps.

Sorry to hear that. I have several friends who take prescription drugs to alleviate depression and anxiety and they seem to be contented and happy most of the time.
I would suggest that you see a doctor and get on to a course of drugs if you have not already done so. I believe that modern anti depressives less addictive than of old.

Well, it is definitely depression, and please take care of it because it could take you to consider that life is not worth living.
But more to your actual question, yes, I have felt line that before and the way I moved forward was concentrating on the fact that I don’t need anything other than myself to feel good about life.
Feeling fresh air coming into my lungs, feeling the crisp morning air on my skin, smelling the scent of fresh cut grass, taste a good meal, hear how live parades around me in the form of birds, wind, rain, and then look up on a clear moonless night and see the vast universe I am part of, which makes most everything else so inconsequential. And I am the observer of it all, and the judge of its beauty and grandeur. That is how I only need myself to make life worth living.

Cheer up bro. You're still young. Being single is awesome. Eat your favorite food or drink. Read a good book or watch something you like on TV. Go outside and get some sun. Go to the park. Try to take your mind off such negative thoughts. It's a wonderful world and there's some beautiful people out there. You're one of them.

this is why people invent religion - something to hold onto when there is nothing to hold onto

Especially lately - with the world in seemingly endless, divisive, chaos , from time to time, I have found myself thinking of these lyrics from John Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane" :

     Oh yeah life goes on

Long after the thrill of livin is gone
Oh yeah say life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin is gone, they walk on

So far, I've been able to cycle out of these thoughts. But I will admit, it's sometimes a real challenge.

And then of course, there's another level in which to survive - I give you, Pink Floyd :

I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
And I have become
Comfortably numb.

Only you can decide to climb out of the hole ... or not.

Have you seen a therapist? At this stage money shouldn't matter even if you think you can't afford one! You need medication to fight your depression. You need to be proactive about it as hard as it might be. Learn meditation...it truly does help! Do you have a dog? If you don't , get one!!! Rescue one..it will make you feel good. Animals are healing. A lap dog would be nice. Volunteer in a small way to someone who needs help. You can make a difference in the world. Depression is an illness and you shouldn't be ashamed. It's more common than you think. Go get some help. Best wishes...you're not alone!

I'm 57 and I feel exhausted, beaten down,and uninspired. It's like as soon as I turned 50 all the bad dogs in my brain were freed and are now running unhousebroken all across my psyche.

So, yeah, I get it..

Have you considered seeing a new doc? A fresh look might find something new or different.

Also pay careful attention to what you eat, especially being diabetic. I have personally found that it does make a difference. Figure out for yourself what affects you.

Find things to look forward to.

The Healing Power of Nature

"Japanese researchers found that people who spend 40 minutes walking in a cedar forest, had lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which is involved in blood pressure and immune-system function, compared when they spent 40 minutes walking in a lab.

"Another researcher, Dr. Quing Li, a professor at the Nippon Medical School in Tokyo, found that trees and plants emit aromatic compounds called phytoncides that, when inhaled, can spur healthy biological changes. Li has shown that when people walk through or stay overnight in forests, they often exhibit changes in the blood that are associated with protection against cancer, better immunity and lower blood pressure.

"Recent studies have also linked nature to symptom relief for health issues like heart disease, depression, cancer, anxiety and attention disorders."

From "The Healing Power of Nature," Time magazine, July 25, 2016.

There are times I feel the same way but I am 82. When I was in my forties, I was on top of the world and remained so into my mid 70s. Growing old is not the problem, it is the side effects, which can be devastating.