LINK Writer of obituary in Florida Times-Union speaks up | firstcoastnews.com
Author: Tobie Nell Perkins, Mindy Wadley
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — The author of a no-holds-barred obituary that called his father a narcissist who was "incapable of love," says that he didn't write the viral piece out of hate, or because he's holding grudges.
He wrote it to heal.
Lawrence Pfaff Jr. (son of Lawrence H. Pfaff Sr.) submitted an obituary to the Florida Times-Union in Jacksonville that was highly unusual. Tucked between heartfelt stories of loved ones lost, Pfaff Jr.'s tribute took an opposite approach, writing what he truly felt about his father -- that he was a "narcissist," and an "abusive alcoholic" whose death showed that "evil does eventually die."
Pfaff Jr. said he started writing the obituary before his father was even dead to process his feelings.
"Writing his obituary was a way for me to really cleanse myself and let that part of my life go. And so a year ago, I sat down and began to write it, not knowing I would have an opportunity in the near future to use it," he said. Then his father died in June.
In the obituary, Pfaff Jr. writes about how his father was a father to many but a "dad to none." He told First Coast News he tried to sustain a relationship with his father earlier in his life, but had been estranged from him for around 30 years.
"I went through my adult life and realized that nothing was working, that I was broken, and I was damaged by the alcohol and alcohol abusive, I kept continuing to seek help and make myself better," he said.
One of the ways he did that was putting his feelings toward his father on paper, and once he died, he submitted that obituary to the Times-Union.
"He's had 30 years since we've stopped talking to profess his truth," he said. "And so now it's my turn to profess my truth."
Pfaff Jr. says that many people have reached out to thank him for his honest account of his life with his father.
"I got a call from somebody in St. Augustine that found me and wanted to thank me for posting that because, you know, they had a similar life, and they wanted to be able to do something similar to help heal," he said. "They just thanked me for, you know, the honesty."
The obit form says that submissions must comport with "editorial guidelines," but does not specify what those are. By law, it is not possible to defame a dead person.
Gannett, the company that owns The Florida Times-Union, wrote the following statement: “We regrettably published an obituary that did not adhere to our guidelines and we are looking into the matter further. We regret any distress this may have caused."
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12 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sometimes I feel more fortunate than many people out there duck life
prasedenica
Level 1
July 19, 2022
1
As an editor from essay services online what I have just to tell you It's all about raising awareness among masses to stand tough and hard against these types of social vice and toxic elements beside reinforcing the muscles to curb this. There is no way it can be happened without public support.
Sometimes I take not of the obituary columns and it seems they are all decent, upstanding people. I think we all know the truth that some are just the opposite. I have been hearing of so many horror stories of people's parents and it saddens me to know so many had it rough growing up. I had thought we had it rough growing up with all the noise (7 kids) and mess. Now I see we had it great.
JackPedigo
Level 9
July 9, 2022
1
Whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all"?
If this person thinks they ate helping themselves they are Delusional at best IMO. Maybe write these words down & burn the paper at the graveside later, not Publish it.
Past time to deal & move on......
AnneWimsey
Level 9
July 9, 2022
1
Some people are never able to deal even with therapy.
Not being acquainted with either of the parties, I can't say if publication of the harsh obit is a fair assessment or not. However, I generally deplore any whitewashing of the past; it just doesn't help forward movement. Better to tell it like it is (or was) and let the chips fall where they may.
Flyingsaucesir
Level 8
July 8, 2022
5
One of my friends growing up had an alcoholic father. He was a jerk to everyone who knew him. At the funeral the minister decided to speak about what an a-hole he was, in front of the grieving wife and children. His eulogy was unappreciated. The family had no warning about what he was going to say and I think that is wrong. Also, you do not really know who had the issues in this case, the father? the son? or both? I guess I think it is unfair to attack someone who is not there to defend himself even if that person is dead.
MyTVC15
Level 7
July 8, 2022
1
It is one thing for the family to deliver a scathing eulogy, but that minister went to far. It was not his place to deliver such a eulogy, no matter how bad the man was. If his family wanted to do so, it would be their right and their choice, which I would support.
“Did not adhere to our guidelines”. So a fucking newspaper can tell a person how they should write an obituary eh? What a travesty that a person cannot tell their truth about a lousy human being! They should look into their own selfishness on this!
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
July 8, 2022
4
Obviously someone was offended by the obit. It may have even "distressed" someone. I wonder if the writer took the feelings of other survivors into consideration before publishing? If he had not spoken to his father in 30 years then he does not know if the man changed his life and effected others in a positive way. Although it is usually unlikely, some people do change.
@MyTVC15 In my experience with most people such as the son’s father, the old saying applies here, “ a leopard doesn’t change its spots.”
@Redheadedgammy but we only know the son's part of the story. There may be more to it than what he said and the dead man cannot defend himself.
@MyTVC15 That depends on whether it was a paid obit or not, paid obits they have very limited editorial control over. Paid obits are normally only checked for length, since that is the billing information, once it goes to print, that genie has escaped the bottle. We once had to replace a local edition to correct a mistake, but the mistake was still out there.
A lot depends on their terms of service. Few small newspapers employ enough staff to ensure that they comply with copyright law, much less to edit reader/advertiser submissions.
Some alcoholic parents don't remember how they harmed
their children or spouses. But they really fool others.
So it's psychologically healthy to not forgive the alcoholic's
years if lies ... and probably is the only way for the son to
truly forgive his so-called 'father' and enjoy own life.
AnonySchmoose
Level 8
July 8, 2022
5
Did someone complain or say they were distressed by this obituary? Like they said, it’s not possible to defame a dead person. Where’s the harm in what he did? It was clearly his personal views and not claiming otherwise.
Good for him if it helped him heal even a little bit.
Tinocca
Level 7
July 7, 2022
8
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