Jim Bakker Claims Satan Directing People to Mock Him for Selling Survival Food

During a recent episode of his show, Televangelist Jim Bakker said he went on social media and was both shocked and dismayed to learn that people were mocking him out for the up to $4500 “survival food buckets” he sells to followers in preparation for the “End Times.” When asked by a fellow “Jim Bakker Show” cast member why anyone would want to mock him out over that, Bakker replied, "I believe it's satanic.”

Yep, why it’s a damn shame a fella can no longer scare the hell out of gullible people in order to get them to send him all their hard-earned cash - without being ridiculed for it. Why the nerve of those folks to mock him out! After all, it isn’t like he’s the type of guy who has ever gone to prison for pulling off a huge con job on his followers before. Speaking of which, I’ve actually seen some of the slop he throws into those “survival buckets,” and I’m here to tell you not even Satan would eat that shit. Of course, hawking survival food is only one of the reasons folks mock him out. Wonder if he’d care to know the rest?

Anyway, my guess is he got all the recipes for his bucket food from the mess hall cooks who prepared his meals in prison. You know, stuff like cheap, dehydrated white rice, Velveeta Cheese with a few stems of broccoli thrown in, or some white flour pancake mix. Now, not to be critical of Pastor Bakker, but I always thought Pat Robertson made much better pancakes. Not to mention, has anyone ever noticed Bakker’s survival food comes in the exact same buckets that Purina uses for their “Tidy Cats” clumping litter?

Of course, all those Libtrads are bound to say “This man has no business being on national television,” and frankly, I have to admit that I fully agree with them. Why with the sneaky, conniving hustle this huckster has going on, where he really belongs is in the United States Congress - and serving on the Republican “Freedom Caucus” along with the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Matt Gaetz.

Now, the question is, why would anyone even need survival supplies for the “End Times” in the first place? I mean, I thought the “righteous” were supposed to get raptured up to heaven before the apocalypse even happens. What’s up with that? I say “to hell” with Jim Bakker and his bucket food. As for me, when those “End Times” come, why I’m gonna go out with a big Mexican Fiesta bucket and a nice bottle of fancy tequila. After all, who the hell wants to greet the apocalypse sober?

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