See my comment below. I realize you are trying to be helpful, but I did not ask for advice. BTW, I used to go dancing with my late wife and tried the Meetup dance groups before Covid, but they no longer seem to offer much in the way of single women who are my type. They used to way back when I met my late wife, but that was a couple decades ago and a lot fewer people show up for them these days. That fad has come and gone, it seems.

I do intend to travel some after Covid settles down, but I am not going the mail order bride route. I'm 62 years old, a bit long in the tooth for that. As for finding women to date while traveling, I tried an Alaska cruise that had an organized singles group on it and couldn't find any women from my area that were interested in spending time with me on the cruise. The two that did were each from one of the coasts and the one woman in the group from my area flatly refused to talk to me after someone else in the group steered me to her. Guess my looks were not good enough for her standards and she was very blunt about it. She was above average looking, but by no means gorgeous or a knockout.

Like I have said countless times, I have no emotional support from family, so I get all of it from my local friends. I can't afford to move away for better dating prospects and leave the friends behind. Too big a risk, like doing acrobatics without a net.

@TomMcGiverin So if we can only control our own behavior & you are getting feed back that you are not a stud, then logically you must become more studly. That is the only thing you can change other than lowering you own standards. Lowering your own expectations. If it is merely a manner of packaging then improve the package. A make over is what women call it. We make up all the time to attract what we want. I am not saying you should become a "player". Or tattoo your face to be in style. But the competition is fierce due to the internet. "If one always does what one has always done, one will always get what one has always got." Or you could join the MGTOW movement & drop out altogether.

@Mooolah Sorry, actually not sorry, but I'm not going to drastically change my appearance or lower my expectations as far as a woman's looks or my dealbreakers on compatibility. You are correct that online dating makes it much more competitive than before it when all a man had to do to attract a woman was to meet her general expectations and standards. Nowadays, a guy not only has to meet those, but also be competitive with hundreds of other men at the same time that the woman has available to choose from on the dating site. So the average looking man gets left behind while the women go after or choose from only among the studs. As for the incel movement, no way, I am not a misogynist like those guys and will not drop out. I will just continue to be vocal about the struggle, whether you or other people, male or female, like it or not. I did not ask anyone for advice or to fix me, so they can shove their advice and judgement.

@TomMcGiverin Sorry you didn't like my response. I will bow out .

@Mooolah I've had a lot of people on Agnostic, both male and female, validate that my looks are fine, tho average looking. So I am not going to drastically alter them. Again, I appreciate your comments and effort, but it is not for me, not my way. I can name a few other guys on Agnostic that are in the same boat, but I won't embarrass them by naming them. They, like me , are nice guys that have a lot to offer the right woman emotionally and relationship wise, even if we aren't the latest shiny new toy, but seem to be doomed to sit on the sidelines of the dating game. They just aren't as outspoken and assertive as me about standing up for their truth.

There is nothing rude or inappropriate about sharing your own experience, whether it is similar or different, than the person you are addressing. What is presumptuous is to assume the other person is soliciting advice instead of or in addition to the experiences and insights of others, which is what I'm after whenever I share my experiences and perspectives on these forums. Some of us do not want or need to be "fixed", we just want to be heard, known by others, and maybe learn something from how others are different or the same. It is ironic that you, a woman are hearing me, a man, tell you this, when I can't count the number of times women have told me, " I don't want to be fixed or for you to fix the problem, I just want to be heard about it".

@Mooolah BTW, I think it was kind of cruel for you to suggest that I drop out and join the incel movement. That is basically suggesting that someone is repulsive and undateable, and I bet if a similar movement existed for women and I suggested here that you join it, you and all the other women on here would be all over me like a pack of dogs, so I take offense and insult at your suggestion.

@TomMcGiverin I did not mention incel. I meant to stop focusing on your search so ardently. You seem obsessed. Your method? How is that working for you. I tried to offer my suggestions to amend yourself instead of seeking what is not out there currently. People who complain seek sympathy. Not solutions. I was attempting to give up some tips from my years of tending bar & studying people. I do not wish to argue or convince you. You made a point of how women sited your appearance. That was my response. I have been a member of the women only society since I realized I am an introvert. I live with a sister caregiver & try to keep the men off of me. I resolve not to be angry. I reached out in return to attempt to offer observations. INCELS are not repulsive or undatable in their appearance. It is their attitude that is repugnant. They point the finger outward & do not have self awareness. Women are supposed to change. INCELS refuse to. Go in peace & good luck in your appeal to the women out there.

Too bad you aren't living in my area. I am the opposite of those men and also of the women in my area. Even when they are in their 60s, the women still seem to be emeshed and wrapped up tight with their adult kids and their grandkids, rather than actually seeming to be that interested in getting to know a new man and spending most of their free time doing couple things. Which is why I seriously ? why most of them are on a dating site, unless they are mainly just seeking a sex partner that will serve as their escort for their family visits and someone to get their family to quit worrying that mom and grandma is still alone. In my dating pool, even with the women who are childless, being a childless man is the kiss of death with most of them. Conformity rules out over everything else here in corn country...

It seems to me that, esp. the divorced women in my local dating pool on Match, seem to be hiding behind and clinging to their kids and grandkids as a security blanket instead of opening themselves to a new real relationship or partnership with a man, like they are protecting themselves against hurt or disappointment that might happen by letting a man become the main focus of their life again. In my opinion, those women should get some therapy and grieve their divorce instead of joining a dating site first like they seem to be doing.

@TomMcGiverin I fear for adult kids who are still that wrapped up in their parents. It's one thing to be a caregiver or teaching your mom how to use her cellphone and order groceries so she doesn't get covid and die, but at some point, you need to be your own person.

@UrsiMajor And the vast majority of women in my dating pool, esp. the divorced ones, are doing anything but that. I don't think it's healthy, and, apparently, neither do you. I know that most therapists would call that behavior emeshed and unhealthy, vs. being individuated and independent of your children and grandkids. Healthy people can still be involved with their families, but they do not cling to them to the exclusion or marignalization of an adult relationship with a partner. I think these women are afraid of attempting another one of those, but won't admit it.

@UrsiMajor I individuated and distanced myself from my parents as soon as I had been away at college for a while, as I realized how dysfunctional my family was and how emotionally unsupportive and critical my parents were of me. So for me, these family and child centered women in their 60s seem like aliens to me.

You probably are. IL is just as Bible Belt and Midwest family-oriented as Iowa, no doubt. How far away from Chicago is Jacksonville and how big is the pop. there? Would you agree that our kind of dating population would be much larger and better in Chicago? Why do you stay in Jacksonville, family or friends, same as me? In my case, I only stay because of friends.

Just looked at your profile and it answers my ? Looks like you live in SW IL, far away from any cities of any size. I pity you the same as me. Looks like St. Louis, MO is the nearest area with any women that might be your type. And I bet that is still pretty LD for dating. Des Moines has a couple hundred women my age on Match that have some things in common with me, but very few that are my type. And for those I am competing with probably a few hundred or more men. Thus, the dilemma.