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8 6

I feel ridiculous at times, through jealousy, when my partner tells me how well she gets on with men at work. I don't dare say anything for the fear of coming across as possessive and jealous and I certainly do not want to be the controlling type. So i sit back and let her do her own thing, in fact I encourage her to, but my fear is someone else sweeping her off her feet and leaving me hurt. It really gets me down and I wonder how anyone else handles this type of thing?

Nardi 7 June 29
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6

Trust and open communication are key to a good relationship.

But...You're not giving enough info here though for a realistic piece of advice.

If she's telling you this because you have a great relationship, she trusts you (and assumes you trust her) and shares everything with you, assuming that she's not interested in a romantic relationship with these other people, then you need to stop and realize that this is your problem, and one you need to get over pronto.

However, if she's telling you this to try to make you jealous, to get you to change or do something different, then she's being manipulative and you need to get out of the relationship.

I'm telling you through first hand knowledge. When you SO tries to make you jealous, especially if you have reason not to trust them in the first place, run.

EddieDean Level 6 June 29, 2018
6

First, consider what she’s telling you and why. Is she sharing her daily interactions to make conversation? Does she talk about women at work the way she talks about the men? Is she expressing that she’s getting something from them that she can’t get from you? Is she trying to get you to up your game? Second, consider where your feelings come from. Are you responding based on past history (hers or yours) or has she given you new reason to worry now? These are feelings you can explore with a therapist or counselor.

UUNJ Level 8 June 29, 2018

good questions. the answer is yes. She does talk about the women too. A specific problem is she wants me to agree to her leaving her work place to join a man in his new work place where they would share a car 3-4 days a week. I have not met this man yet and she gets emotional reassurance from him on stuff to do with work all the time. He has a partner or so I'm told, probably to make me feel easier about him. I want to say no but that would imply i don't trust her but my gut is in knots over it. I feel like tracking him down and punching his lights out.

@Nardi This is another layer. Do they have to share a car to discuss sales calls or something? If not, it’s reasonable to say you support her career goals but are uncomfortable with the amount of time they’ll be spending alone. Then say nothing. See what she says without prompting.

2

When a woman tells you she likes another man but is not having sex, that's the worst thing that a woman can tell you. This happened in my marriage. I realize that we were both in a rut and in dire need to start dating and adding some excitement to our relationship.

Kojaksmom Level 8 June 29, 2018

So true. Sometimes one person can't supply everything that is needed, whether emotional support, excitement or a host of other aspects. Being honest enough to explore dating outside the marriage can really make a difference.

@Eastrenbi you know, people grow within a marriage. What appears to be the problem is we think we know someone but we really don't.

5

Maybe you could up your game, take on some new exciting views of the world and become more interested in things that could be fun for both of you. Change your persona, become a character of interest to her. View it all with a sense of humor and openness that would preclude any anxiety or negative feelings. Try to find things to laugh about together.

OldGoat43 Level 9 June 29, 2018
2

my wife and I were married 53 years. I am aware of at least 12 other man who shared in the sexual beauty of my wife....I felt such pride. She was passionate, dedicated, and faithful to our wedding. we agreed that we could and would have others found greatly attractive and the desire to bed them could produce one of two things, either just the yearn, avoided, or surrender in honesty and openness....we therefore had sex with others, no apology, no humiliation, but the best part was no lying, hence trust always remains the dominant connection between us....and it worked for us, not probably not for everyone...

NormCastle Level 7 June 29, 2018

I doubt I could handle that but kudos to you and your wife for being agreeable about such a difficult scenario

6

It is not jealousy, it is insecurity. If you are in danger of losing her, figure out what you have to do to earn her. I think people rarely, if ever, leave for someone else. They leave to get away from what they are with.

Mitch07102 Level 8 June 29, 2018
2

This is, in all likelihood, something that is totally in your head. It is smart not to share it with her. She will see it as a sign that you are insecure or don't trust her.
Pay attention to how she looks at you. Listen to what she says. Does it seem like she loves you? Would she act that way of she didn't? You need to make yourself secure in the knowledge that she is committed to you in whatever kind of relationship you two have.

4

I would consider being vulnerable with your partner and telling her how you feel, in just the way you did here. Isn’t that what intimacy is all about? Let her know how important she is to you, how much you care about her, and how much you fear losing her. Ask for reassurance. Hiding who you are and how you feel will probably build resentment and loneliness over time, creating distance between you. I know it is hard to seem “weak” with a partner, but if she really loves you, I would think she could understand.

ejbman Level 7 June 29, 2018

I second this entirely. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your SO and honest about insecurities without attacking is foundational to a healthy relationship. That's what communication is. Be open with your emotions without letting emotions drive the conversation.

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