Even the most aware people still have frail bodies evolved to thrive in a significantly different environment than the modern world. There will always be parts of ourselves we don't fully understand

Holy crap. That quote from Carl Jung is identical to what I just finalized my thinking on over 20 years of deliberations. What a fool I didn't read more from him . On your topic about wanting and expecting real love with total acceptance. While we still have shame of ourselves within . Well I think that if we are in denial of those shameful feelings and hide those parts of us completely . Then we can't honestly expect somebody to accept us fully when we are not showing the full US . If we at least come to acceptance of those parts and are willing to show them . However reluctantly, . Realistically , this is the point we can at least have a chance at honest total acceptance in love.
If we can show our total true US without filters in open honesty and without shame then we set an example for others to want to follow and they won't be to help but love us totally for we are what they long to be. Totally free of guilt and the burden of shame and will seek to ask us to help set them free.
A little campy I know but it's what I believe

I was able to make the unconscious conscious, but I can still define some things as fate.

I went through trauma when I was younger and as I result never felt that I deserved love and happiness in my life and that I had to put everyone else's needs first. As a result I lived in the shadows for a very long time. It's taken me a long time to turn this around, and lately I've been feeling waves of sadness as the reality of how I've lived keeps coming up.

As a child my life was dominated by alcoholism. I could definitely relate to the shame aspect. Even to this day, I'm left with a feeling of insecurity and low self esteem. It takes a very very long time to recover.

Free will is an illusion. It will always be conditional and predetermined by teachings. Some more, some less. But fear can always make you question it. Fear can make unending demands and conditions. But it's not the only obstacle, and it's not insurmountable. Sometimes getting over that mountain is finding a path around the side. It's always a journey, and we could always have done better. Consciousness, unconsciousness we will always question, no matter where we are on the scale.

Not shame in my case, but I was taught that it is wrong to place demands on others and to impose on them. It takes a conscious effort for me to recognize when that pattern manifests in relationships and put the breaks on. Therapy and EFT (emotional freedom technique to rewrite scripts) were helpful in connecting my upbringing to my adult relationship patterns.

I think of it as having choices rather than conditions. I think because im more in control.

We can't have true intimacy, or even real love in many cases, if we're operating from a place of guilt or shame or any variations/combinations of either. And the resolution is developing one's emotional intelligence, and it's byproduct emotional competency.

We may be born with a high IQ, but that simply reflects one's ability to learn, and in no way guarantees actually learning.

Functional intelligence, of which emotional intelligence is just one component, requires development and nurturing. If we want to develop emotionally, and by association cognitively, humans need to learn how to be mindful and reflective. And despite what some might preach or perceive, there are no shortcuts.

Much to think about. At a stage of life I question everything. At times surprises me about where my curiosity is leading me