I have felt for awhile that since the vast majority of us have “arrested emotional development”, few can really be open to deep and profound empathy of putting their respective partner first and reasoning deep needs out. Therefore, the majority seem to “settle” unknowly, or as they say, ignorance is bliss.
Just think how difficult it is for people to continue to grow emotionally past their 20’s and also keep up with the human developmental cycle of what society demands at each stage. That is why someone acts the emotional age of a 25 year old when they are chronologically say 50ish! The fear of change is so paramount that it freezes one into submission.
Therefore, this is why I posit few can really be deeply intimate, and I am not focusing on, or excluding, sexuality.
I feel like I have grown emotionally in my 40s as I explored my self, my feelings, and my body's reaction to pain in the BDSM world. I feel like I have just grown some more recently when I realized that being open about myself with friends will make me feel more connected to them. I dunno, I feel like I have a deep emotional connection to many people that goes beyond myself. I will agree that I do see what you are talking about in many people.
I agree with the theory and the conclusions. Nevertheless, people who want to release their "arrested emotional development" can do so.
They only need to be seriously committed and open to self-reflection, honest self-analysis, and personal change.
Emotional intelligence and emotional competency, the behaviour associated with EI, can be learned. Sometimes the transition can be painful, but in my experience, i have seen many accept the challenges successfully.
The following article demonstrates some of the EI developmental goals. Their list is certainly not all inclusive, but it is an accurate view into what Emotional Competency needs to look like.
As for what it takes to develop our EI, an article in Scientific American on the subject of developing EI began as follows.
"A cautious answer is that psychologists still are not sure whether adults can enhance their emotional intelligence. Current research suggests, however, that people can almost surely increase their emotional competence."
For science to agree to anything conclusively requires years of research, especially when it it's about human behaviour. We haven't arrived there yet on EI or EC. But the fact that emotional competency can be learned certainly suggests that EI can also be developed.
Nevertheless, and even though the empirical data has not yet been developed, practitioners have seen the increase in emotional competencies when people decided to work at developing the requisite skills and abilities. Follow ups on personal and work-place relationships have also confirmed that we can develop our emotional competency if we are prepared to risk change and changing, even with the potential pain involved.
@Dan1947 That's another way of looking at what i've written. But like you said, i'm not here, or anywhere for that matter, to argue. We obviously base our opinions on different experiences and paradigms. Nevertheless, I reread what i had posted and nothing suggested that personal developmental processes were easy. They are anything but easy.
@sweetcharlotte Thank you. Anything i can do to help, please let me know. Cheers.
Science has proven this. You cannot successfully enter the next stage of your life until you successfully complete the one you are in. So, if you became emotionally stunted at 5 - there you go. At 15, yeah, you, too.
Posted by UnitySomeday my princess will appear before me. ❤️
Posted by AtheistPeace666Hello I'm a single Canuck looking for my special lady Canuck.
Posted by KhaCRYou ever feel like you found the perfect sexual partner then he turns out to be a complete 💩bag and you can’t find the satisfaction in other encounters?
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by KateOahuYes, I agree that the reverse is also true.
Posted by JolantaThis is what women have to put up with and then they want to be intimate while we are still angry because they will not do their share of housework.
Posted by JolantaDucky, Snookums....
Posted by SorchaThis is a guy I was talking to from okcupid. He is totally new to online dating and it shows.
Posted by JolantaThat’s Amore. Some women are just far too shallow.
Posted by JolantaSomething for real intimacy perhaps.
Posted by Green_Soldier71Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER?
Posted by EyesThatSmileNakedness.
Posted by LetzGetRealMy family has often commented how I should become a "cougar"... as I look pretty good at my age and have a younger mindset than some of my peers, I guess this is there rationale?
Posted by Ann-1980The 4 types of Intimacy to feel sufficient, satisfied & healing in a love relationship.
Posted by Philip21over the top thinking? [agnostic.com]