It has to be mutual. It also has to be something you're equally capable of giving as well as receiving, and that comes from knowing and trusting yourself.

True intimacy requires complete vulnerability.

Vulnerability leaves you unguarded, unprotected, and a target for users, abusers, and predators.

Be open to connection. But “intimacy” and “vulnerability” are just lie sold to you by those that seek to use you for their own gain.

If you are seeking ulnerable intimacy, then you need to ask what lies your family and society and even you ave been telling yourself, and believing.

Let go of the lies, and you can begin to see more clearly, and live in reality. When you come to grips with the fact that we are all truly alone, THEN you are ready for healthy connections. NOT illusions.

I know I’m going to get tons of comments about how I’m just a loser, probably got hurt, I’ll be alone, etc.

it’s all part of the lies one faces when one speaks truth. No one wants to hear it.

Romantic love is a fantasy, no more real than god.

That doesn’t mean life and relationships are necessarily empty or unfulfilling.

One can give intimacy but as you stated, if one does not receive a genuine opening up from their partner, then no you will not experience intimacy.

Story of my life like yours.....intimacy = giving = love ....of all those "others""failures" gave so little compared to how "WE" "gave our all"....... that is why I am trying so hard here in agnosticland standing for old fashioned courtship, engagement and marriage INSTEAD OF "dating"....= semi sorta coy half hearted modified limited hangout friendship and romantic rare interludes. ....starting out real and honest is my plan and I shall not compromise my sexual ethics for the FACADE OF INTIMACY acting for 2 hours like a movie "our" relationship = "real".....thank you for posting this LOOK BACK as I look forward to love that lasts 60 more years as the oldest lovers on earth

Intimacy requires reciprocity. If the feelings or vulnerability are one-sided, intimacy cannot exist.

I would not say a lot of people are superficial, rather a lot of people have their own hang ups and insecurities that they do not know how to let the other person in. It is like the difference between having small talk with someone compared to having a deep conversation. Some people go through life never letting anyone truly know them and in that they never know real intimacy. I think it takes both for real intimacy, if one sided the one doing all the giving and is getting nothing back, that is not intimacy.

it's intimacy s long as you feel it is. but the feeling can end if you realize the other's deceit.

For some reason your story reminded me of a woman who for years of marriage and after believed what her husband had told her about her getting crabs from the toilet seat used by his cousin when he visited. She was eventually convinced of the greater likelihood by a counsellor that she needed.

Ignorance plays a major role. I have long held that school curricula are deficient of two very important subjects - interpersonal relationships and child nurturing.

My first though on your post hit me when I read "A lot of people are very superficial " , I immediately question that.. most people in my life that I would consider 'intimate' I never felt it was superficial..
can it happen? of course.. but in my experience it was pretty rare..