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Why do we fall for people who don't work for us?

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UrsiMajor 8 Jan 23
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17 comments

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0

You gotta learn was doesn't work, before you can even fathom or appreciate what does. Most early relationships are trial and error. They may result in painful or embarrasing memories but they can also make the glue and cement that sustain or help a healthy relationship last. Don't look down on your mistakes, instead learn from them and appreciate each one for what it is. For they are what make you... well... You.

Source:

Life and my life experience

Parzival Level 5 Feb 3, 2019
0

It's the old thing about women being attracted to a man and thinking " I can/will change him" and men being attracted to a woman and thinking "I hope she never changes". Guess what? She will.......and more than likely, he won't. Women go thru a "stage" where they are attracted to bad boys. The trick is to realize that it is - after all - just a phase. Go for it....have your fun....pray he doesn't slash your tires when you finally kick him out of your bed....and move on to the guy who is "rock solid". Will be there for you - thick and thin. 😉 😉

Lavergne Level 8 Jan 24, 2019

Know what's funny about that saying? It's long been my exp to be reversed.

It too often has gone like this, not in words exactly:
(him)"Omg you are so . I LOVE it!"
after some time "Well, you are
. That's why we're together"
"Omg, could you be less _?. Why are you so ?"

But I've a theory that men are taught to fall for the shell and don't "look under the hood" until later.
That's where the "she changed" business comes from. She was always that way, he just started to notice is all.

Never in a gillion years would I have imagined my late dh to be as conservative as he was, because he was ANYTHING BUT before we were married. Yes he was very socially liberal but the wild-seat-of-the-pants man died when we got married.

@Qualia Yes - I've seen a lot of that as well! We humans are a very unpredictable lot, aren't we? 😉

0

I think this site is exception to that some thoughtful women here

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 24, 2019
0

Easy women like excitement and badboy idiot's. If they find a college student. A kind family supporter. A religious bachelor. A nice guy well women say boring!

And the same thing could be said for men. Men go after the physically gorgeous skinny hot women only.

1

I was speaking with a good friend and she said that we end up with someone who continues a similar environment that we grew up in.

That's really scary and I think it's true

0

it must be a learned behavior.

0

It's frustrating you see someone you like and don't get a second look because you are a caring person I think I am not alone in this.many of the guys on this site have same problem . Most any woman here has many followers the men generally don't. These wonderful women are so gun shy they don't look at the good guys anymore. Guys how many have liked you?

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 23, 2019

Actually I have had a fair number of women on this site choose to follow my posts and comments, and I think I am, at least in relationships, more the nice guy type than most guys. I think the women on this site are more intelligent and open-minded about being attracted to nice guys than the ones in the general pop., at least the ones on this site that participate in the forums. I have some confidence that if there were more women on this site in my area who were my age, and also the type to participate in the discussions, that I could find someone compatible to date from here.

4

Generally we attract some one who will support us in our insecurities, or we are basing our love on what we have seen what Love looks like around us.

3

This is why divorce is good for families with children when the parents are not a good match. Children get imprinted early on to expect the same in their future marriages. If dad was a dick, you'll chose a dick, etc. So split, find a good match and hopefully the kids will see a functional happy relationship.

sapiofile Level 5 Jan 23, 2019

Good advice! Even the most mortifying behaviors become 'normal' to kids.

3

It is the defect in humans to see only what we wish to see that ends in destruction.

Marine Level 8 Jan 23, 2019
4

From a man's perspective, maybe it's the whole, I can rescue her mentality and women saying, he'll change for me mindset. We are who we are, no rescuing needed nor will he change who he is for you.

VIKingsCFH Level 7 Jan 23, 2019
3

Daily mail though?

Amisja Level 8 Jan 23, 2019
2

Great question

3

Because they seem to want to punish themselves why I don't know . We good guys get left in the dirt because we care about them so we suffer while jerks benefit with pretty desirable women

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 23, 2019

@HomeAloneSunday Yes, there is a lot to be said for upfront honesty....

@HomeAloneSunday not me your kids would have been welcome in my family

1

interesting

TheDoubter Level 9 Jan 23, 2019
3

Because you shouldnt date employees lol

4

I think this goes both ways. Good article.

AlexRam Level 7 Jan 23, 2019

Very true.

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