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Is real love possible for people with mental illness? Of course no one would want to be in a relationship with someone who is physically threatening. many mental illnesses could be managed but not cured, so is it too big of a risk? Is it a deal breaker?

Kojaksmom 8 Jan 29
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22 comments

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11

I have been crazy about someone before. Does that count?

Sticks48 Level 9 Jan 29, 2019
11

Since I believe most people suffer from mental illness...at least at one point in their life...yes! I have fought depression for over half my life. I have recently started fighting anxiety. I still have a full life. I still have the capacity to love and be loved. I have amassed amazing coping skills.

Cabsmom Level 8 Jan 29, 2019
10

What is 'real love'?

Mental illness as a whole, without discerning anything more specific is too broad a generalization. I have mental illnesses. I have medications which greatly improve my quality of life. I'm quite capable of love.

Squirrel Level 7 Jan 29, 2019

I would think to a point that love itself is a form of crazy... trying to see if your on the same wavelength of craziness.

@Parzival or as Rick would say

9

This is a question not easily answered. It depends on the condition and the persons willingness to accept that it is an illness and compliance with treatment.
Also depends on you and your patience and understanding.

Green_eyes Level 8 Jan 29, 2019

Absolutely. First, if you deal with mental illness you need to learn how to own it and not be ashamed. Then you can better find someone who you deserve who can be patient and understanding.

7

Oh, this post really fires me up. It is absolutely NOT a deal breaker!! There are MANY degrees to mental illness -- true, someone who's severe may not be a good candidate. But to lump ALL mentally ill people together and assume they can't be in a full loving relationship is misguided and archaic.

bleurowz Level 8 Jan 29, 2019

It's not that simple. There are some rather serious mental issues out there that can be a physical threat and turn another one's life upside down. I remember a post one time about would you marry a man / woman who is a Evangelical Christian, and many people said that it was a deal breaker. As another commenter mentioned, they're very similar and i agree.

@Kojaksmom Hmm. Well, I think that's a very weak and naive comparison. I struggled with chronic depression and anxiety for many years, and by that way of thinking, one would assume that I was a physical threat who could turn someone's life upside-down. While there are some mentally ill people who are a danger to themselves or someone else, it's unfair to lump all mentally ill people under the same umbrella. I was thrown under there more times than I can count by the ignorance of people who thought they had me figured out.

@bleurowz I too struggle with depression as well, I am in no way trying to say anything disrespectful.

@Kojaksmom I appreciate that. I just don't believe in any general statements regarding mental illness. There's still a lot of stigma and misunderstanding out there, which keeps a lot of people who need help from getting it. Unfortunately too many just believe that all mentally ill people are violent or out of their minds, when actually a lot of thoughtful, intelligent, creative, and successful people have struggled at times with serious mental illness.

@Kojaksmom well now i don't think of religion as a mental illness. But unlike the person below me i know many people with "mental illness". Theres nothing wrong with them. They just might need a little extra TLC or care than most. Sometimes is that so called illness that makes people so unique.

I don't know much about the stigma of mental illness... i have some. But I get a bit mad when people define a person by their "mental illness".

For many would prefer not to be defined by their mental illness. And many have their own views and unique quirks, or ways of thinking. Many of them are intriguing or fascinating... and may be a sort of byproduct of their mindset...

i feel like im getting a little off topic... They are thier own person and thats okay. But i think some would appreciate being treated the same as everyone else... or at the very least not be ostracized for being a little wierd or unique.

7

Never. Relationships take work. If the person is a great match then the relationship can work.

EDIT: I realize there were multiple questions asked. Yes love is possible. No, mental illness is never a deal breaker.

Nukdookum Level 8 Jan 29, 2019
7

What a loaded question! There's a whole spectrum of mental illness; many not recognized. The number of mental institutions declined drastically in recent years - while the number of "stress" disorders seems to be growing. You have to take this on a case-by-case thing.

Robecology Level 9 Jan 29, 2019
5

Not a deal breaker.. but i guess the simplest answer is.. it depends.

hippydog Level 8 Jan 29, 2019

Yeah for me too.

5

I'm not sure I know too many people who have zero mental illness so the short answer is yes. But it also depends upon the type and the intensity. Some people just don't have it in their capability to be there for somebody else, though they can become vulnerably dependent, so that's something.

ejbman Level 7 Jan 29, 2019

many relationships have 1 person as a "vunerable dependent"

For sure, for a start, to me, religion is a form of mental illness. I still stick by friends who are afflicted with it.

@AmmaRE007 Well yeah, but in most relationships, one hopes to be able to take turns.

@pmar074 religion... i kind of envy those that can have that sort of innocence or faith in something to enhance their own lives... but i think i speak for many of us here when I say aside from that and what you might think is that we don't appreciate when they feel the need to "enhance" everyone elses... i don't mind trying out new things but if i don't like something please accept my reasons and that i am of sound mind and body...

5

I was told many years ago that all people fall within the range of 1-10 that exists to measure each known psychiatric illness.
So let him or her outside of the range cast the first stone.

FrayedBear Level 9 Jan 29, 2019

That's quite true. in order to be clinically diagnosed with a mental illness, one must have quite a few of the signs. Not everybody will have all of the signs, but many will have enough of them to make their life difficult.

@F-IM-Forty it really isn't a simple question.

@F-IM-Forty me too.

4

Real love would be someone who stands by a partner with mental illness, through the good times and the bad.

pmar074 Level 6 Jan 29, 2019
4

Depends on the people involved, what type of mental illness, what's the trend of the illness is it getting worse? Lots of variables!

MojoDave Level 9 Jan 29, 2019
3

Maybe the severity of the illness could be a deal breaker. I have met several people with bi-polar disorder who manage it well with meds and therapy and they have intimate relationships.

SKH78 Level 8 Jan 29, 2019
3

If someone is verbally abusive stay the hell away! That's the main sign that there only gonna make your life hell but I think talking and dating someone for a good while before you start having sex is the best way to determine if you match even if one of you deals with some form of mental illness

3

depends on degree of mental illness

TheDoubter Level 9 Jan 29, 2019
2

Yes. It is possible. Although, like many other emotions love is felt at extreme levels. Passion is intense. As long as that person is aware and working on managing emotions it can be wonderful. Just like everyone else has ups and downs a person with illness just has higher ups and much lower downs.

Driver8 Level 4 Jan 29, 2019
1

So many people deal with some form of mental illness . Saying that if the person is not abusive physical, or mental I say why not. But if their mental illness is something the discussed daily and they aren't seeking some path to help them then no.

Swimmer83 Level 2 Feb 9, 2019
1

Depends takes I strong person my wife soon be exwife waiting on Divorce paperwork. Has many mental illnesses as such as Schizoaffective disorder. We were together 8 years. With little ups and Downs but some how this disorder turned her against me and it was to much on all my mental health as well as hers so. It depends. We tried meds(her body doesnt digest them much like Jerry hormones. So there were many factors but I still believe it can be done with trust and openness

Dustin83 Level 3 Feb 3, 2019
1

I think there is someone for sombody... no matter how unusual they may be or what wavelength they may be on. We are a rather varied species... where no two people are exactly alike. Its all a matter of finding your balance or your compliment... or in some cases your accomplice? All thats required is an open mind and a somewhat positive attitude. A sense of humor is also a plus.

Parzival Level 5 Feb 3, 2019
1

Kinda vague question. Some might work some might not, but they are probably going to be in for a bumpy ride!

1

My mother's first husband tried to kill her with a pitchfork in their living room. I owe my existence to his inaccuracy with his choice of weapon. Her local church congregation treated her as an outcast because she divorced him. She had a young daughter to protect as well as herself. What was she supposed to do? She met my father and emigrated to New Zealand with him and my sister (probably to escape the misery). My father can be grumpy, unreasonable and contrary but he is also caring and gentle. Despite his faults, my parents have been married for 58 years. My 80yo mother is currently working herself to exhaustion to care for him as he is incapacitated with poor health and dementia. They are facing the reality of their need to go into an assisted-care residence but they'll be together until the end of their days. To me, that is real love and commitment.

pmar074 Level 6 Jan 29, 2019
1

Is risky sadly

bobwjr Level 10 Jan 29, 2019
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