I don't want to get a "New Puppy" to make me forget my "Old Puppy". I need to learn to let go of my "Old Puppy," and deal with my grief that my time with "Old Puppy" is over. Otherwise, my "New Puppy" will just eventually be my "Old Puppy," because it will be the "SAME Puppy".
Savvy? I know many of you have been there. What things do you do to help yourself process and move forward without going crazy? Distraction is helpful sometimes, but not to the extent that it becomes escapism.
Feelings are hard. 
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brainyactress
Level 7
Mar 2, 2019
1
I've been fostering a few "puppies." Knowing that as a foster parent I can't get too attached, I can still enjoy "puppy" playtime. That might not be right for everyone who is letting go of an "old puppy", but it's right for me right now.
Wildflower
Level 8
Feb 28, 2019
0
I disagree. A good puppy will not make you forget about the old one.. but teaching it to play fetch will distract you.
Plus puppy cuddles. Nuff said. ?
hippydog
Level 8
Feb 28, 2019
2
Love puppy cuddles!
Oh but a more compatible puppy to one's lifestyle the better the fit.
I get what you are saying, when I separated from my husband a few years ago I did not wait long enough before dating and ended up dating someone and than letting him move in with me before I really knew the true him. I was so lonely and wanted love so much that I rushed into something that was not right, and it took a few years to get out of that relationship.
I would suggest a support group for divorced people or even a grief group, divorce can have as much grief as a death.
Mermaidfantasy
Level 7
Feb 28, 2019
3
Learn and grow from your experience with the old puppy. Celebrate what you had, grieve what you've lost. When you're ready to move on, you will. You'll never forget the old puppy, but growing from your experience will make your relationship with a new puppy that much richer.
bleurowz
Level 8
Feb 28, 2019
0
The comparison is the issue here, at least for me. My "old puppy" is one thing, and a "new puppy" will be its own thing. I waited quite a while before I began "puppy shopping" to avoid subconsciously linking the old with the new. I agree fully that feelings are hard. But when there is a massive laceration, bandaids don't help, they make it worse. Get stitches, which also hurt, tend to the wound and let it heal first. It is hard to enjoy a "puppy" while still "bleeding."
Phayon
Level 5
Feb 28, 2019
2
For me, meditation was a huge help.
@FlippantLlama alright, knowing is half the battle. Depending on the time scale and emotional connection, simply remembering to breath can be enough. Example, I took almost nine months before "ripping the bandaid" and reeeeaaaally looking at the wound. I guess it was more gauze pad than bandaid...anyway. I would say, feel the hurt, cry the tears and scream the rage into a pillow. Express those pesky feelings that threaten to over take your mind. Try not to "feed" them, but don't bottle them up either. It is a balancing act to be sure.
I wish you the best. These journeys are the opposite of fun...they are un-fun. (Zootopia, altered)
Struggling through to the other side is so worth it though!
@FlippantLlama lol, it is easier than most people think. Focus on breathing through your nose. When you realize you aren't doing that, feel good for catching it and focus back on breathing through your nose. Start at five min a day for two weeks. Done and done.
@FlippantLlama Don't expect success right away, someone suggested 5 minutes at first, that could be good. I found guided recordings helpful(Jon Kabat Zinn, not religious) Basically you're not good at anything until you've practiced so it doesn't make sense to feel disappointed if you aren't. Grief takes time too,(and I suppose practice in a way) when you've lost something good and important it takes some getting used to.
You can love your old puppy while still reminding yourself that the relationship was bad for you. Focusing the feelings on hoping the old puppy gets better and thinking about the traits which made the old puppy toxic will help you to move on and find a new puppy who is a healthier choice for you. The new puppy should respect your boundaries, have a healthy attitude towards your friendships, and seek to make you happy even when that wouldn't benefit them directly.
Nukdookum
Level 8
Feb 28, 2019
1
The same thing happened with a former partner. We had 2 cats, an older female which we had for a long time and a new male kitten we adopted. The kitten had feline Leukemia and only lived for 3 years. When he died we had some guests and they found another male kitten to take the place of the one that died. She was furious and blamed me (I did have a hand in this). She said the cat was mine and I was responsible for it. However, later we saw the cat was lonesome as the female wanted nothing to do with it. We went out and got another male cat to bond and they really did and became close. This new cat was hers. Thing was, that when we broke up she took her cats with her and wanted to leave me my cat. I convinced her it was not fair to the 2 cats so she took all 3. Sometimes you have to consider the other's feeling (even if it is a pet).
JackPedigo
Level 9
Feb 28, 2019
2
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