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Why can’t or don’t men read or hear what women are writing or saying to them? What are men really trying to accomplish with this reaction or behavior?

DiThor 6 Apr 2
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14 comments

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1

Text is the worst way possible to communicate ever invented. Sound bites. Robotic. Always out of sync. Misunderstanding happens at the speed of light. No SOUL. You can text for a year with someone and not have a real clue as to who they are. Voice calls of even 15 minutes tell the tale re actual compatibility as friends, and with luck an hour or two of voice magic ensues, with a wide range of true emotions being shared... More than anything, I love to hear a good woman LAUGH!

1

In my case I can get very insecure and just want to hear that I'm wanted and loved. I don't want to come across as desperate so I will engage in conversations that don't address my needs but deep down I wish that they did.

Nardi Level 7 Apr 25, 2019
1

For me it comes down to the following. Men, on average, are fixers. So I tend to ask myself, "is this a fix it problem, or a listen to it problem."

If the former is the case, a solution is the goal. One that benefits all parties involved. This may seem like "not listening" because all desired outcomes may not be achieved. In my experience, which is by no means all inclusive, women tend to have an all or nothing mentality. If every bullet point is not just so then I didn't listen good enough.

If the later is the case, simply expressing the concern is the objective. Acknowledge the point and move on with life.

Phayon Level 5 Apr 4, 2019
1

That may be true for some men, but not all of us are that way. Most of us try to hear what women say to us. Please don't stereotype.

Dolove40 Level 4 Apr 4, 2019

I’m not stereotyping I’m trying to get opinions on a subject that continues to stimulate communication and conversation. I actually was referring to a particular person on this site that seemed to disregard most of my side of chat. Just seemed very strange so wanted some outside insights.

0

Politeness in not having to say "you are spouting a load of crap"?
Or even " which part of "pardon, 'I didn't hear you' do you not understand?"

It becomes tedious when you have to reply this way often enough that it becomes a mantra.

@DiThor lol, and so deafness is feigned ?.

1

we have lost the ability ,,most of us anyways ,to just stayed focused on what the person is saying in order to react or respond to it in a mature ,way,,unfortuneatly most of us our minds are going in a thousand directions and what the said just did not compute ,like they said nothing , it is sad but we all need to focus more on the conversations and body language and expressions when we are talking to each other

RoyMillar Level 9 Apr 3, 2019

yes i have that type of misunderstanding happen to me also

@Alvinsmama Tone is often difficult to detect. I try to focus on context and connotation but I'm not always accurate. Paraphrasing is a useful tactic I use.

1

I have experienced, too many times, communication glitches especially when communicating with women. Several misinterpreted what I said and hung me out to dry. A year ago I posted a comment about an interesting book: "A Very Queer Family, Indeed" [pressblog.uchicago.edu] One of the sons stayed a bachelor because he wanted to be able to talk and not have his message get mixed up.

Communication is not an exact science and meanings are often subjective. Sometime it's better to ask first before reading something into a comment. That works for both genders.

Great point, Jack. Most women focus on every single word, infusing all of them with meanings we fear or hope may be lurking behind them.

@ElusiveMoby I often wonder how much our childhoods influence how we see the world, both men and women.

@JackPedigo We bring all our conscious and unconscious experiences, all our desires, all our fears, all our doubts. It's a wonder any of us find love, especially after a divorce.

@ElusiveMoby I agree, divorces, split-ups can be especially hard on ones psyche. I have been through a divorce, experienced adultery, another partner's alcoholism yet still managed to find beautiful love. Unfortunately, that was to be cut short with her death. Point is one must try and not let the past create one's future. It is said the best revenge is a good life and that can only be gotten by letting go. Thanks for the insight.

@JackPedigo Oh Jack, this is powerful and I appreciate you sharing. This medium is powerful because it allows us to reach out to one another and create connections, offer insights, provide encouragement. You, Jack, have my encouragement.

@ElusiveMoby Thank you for the compliment. I like to write and have written hundreds of letters to various groups. Just recently a group was formed, on my island, to protest an attempt to start an industrial marijuana farm [saynolopez.com]. I wrote for this and we (25 of us) even made 3 trips to our county seat in Friday Harbor, San Juan Island, to testify. We were able to get a moratorium (it really feels good to see ones efforts come to fruition. Anyway, through this site I have discovered sooo much about myself and, strangely, things I didn't know about my late partner. Over the long time I have been here I have shared a lot of secrets and information. I think being virtual helps people to open up.

0

Uh... what was that? Lol sort of

7

Look, the older I get the clearer one thing becomes....we are all of us part douche bag, ok? Doesn't matter what's occupying the space between your legs.
People have different communication styles. If I'm in a crucial conversation, I always ask; "Ok, did you hear what I said? Now, what does that mean to you?"
I'm telling you, it works 90% of the time. Watch them and how only then do they actually stop and attempt to process your words.
Communication itself is crucial. And just because someone hears some words put together, does not mean they got whatever message you were attempting to impart. As with anything, if you want to get good at something, you practice.
If a man can't effectively communicate, or at least honestly try... it's a deal breaker.

☝???

Excellent methodology. I wish some of those hitting the block button would wake up to themselves.
A friend used to say "to assume is to put an ass before you and me".

@FrayedBear I first heard that watching Benny Hill. It's stayed with me ever since!

@FrayedBear

1

Of those who contact me , many have very brief bios, , say very little , when they first contact me , and answer very few questions . although I do feel , more are checking my bio , before they contact me , had have at least some things in common .

Cast1es Level 9 Apr 3, 2019
5

Because we are men? Try typing slower.. ?

hippydog Level 8 Apr 3, 2019
0

I agree completely women seem unable in some way to stay on topic and if you fall into a company of more than 2 it sounds like a barn full of sparrows

Tooreen Level 7 Apr 3, 2019

@LetzGetReal its like mixing up toothpaste and hemorrhoid cream. Your ass will smell sweet and whistling will be easy.

@LetzGetReal generally speaking its all anecdotal

Wow sounds like something my grandfather might have said? And he'd be around 110 yo now?

I never twitter btw - I speak - and on topic.

@RavenCT the original post said men don't listen, and yes my Uncle said the sparrow part it was situational a group sat beside us and their loud animated conversation made our own conversation impossible.? it was apt.
I reject completely that men are unable to listen, that they are only interested in "charms" it is B.S.
I believe I just demonstrated that.
It is quite possible that your audience is not receptive to your point of view. Some persist long after that point. This could be the heart of the matter.

@Tooreen Nah my male friends etc listen to me. Or they wouldn't be my friends. (Even my surviving relatives listen - most of the time). 😉

Tuning someone out you live with however? That's a thing. I've seen that.
It's humorous because sometimes it's a survival skill when you've heard the same thing for the 100th time.

But for the most part I don't do that to people. You can tell when someone has gone into nattering mode (usually) when they don't really want you to listen actively and they're just prattling along... at least I hope I have that skill? Or I might have missed some important stuff along the way.

I'm one of those active listeners though - so it doesn't happen on my end very often. But sometimes I'm distracted. I think that happens to all of us.

Helps if you can have a sense of humor about it. It's a human thing. Not just a guy thing.

I crave solitude and quiet. Can't muster any interest in keeping up at a sparrow fest.

5

I do believe you are missing the word..."some"...between "dont"..and .."men".Lumping everyone into one pot leaves you blind to different possibilities.All people are different

Very true. I tend to hate generalizations.

Thank you. My thought exactly.

2

I do pay attention but I am weird anyway

bobwjr Level 10 Apr 3, 2019

@LetzGetReal ok but I live in Delaware by the beach

@LetzGetReal 6ft tall 220lbs size 13 shoes lol

@LetzGetReal and single

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