What is something you don't talk about until you feel intimately connected with someone?
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It really varies because it depends largely on the other person and how much I perceive that they are open to talking about a given topic. I try to pay attention and respect whatever their conversational limits might be at that time.
There are close friends I've known for decades that I've never discussed anything sexual with (aside from the occasional joke).
There are people from this very site that I started having detailed discussions of sexual fantasies with in the first hour of our correspondence.
It's all about "reading the room" so to speak, and paying attention to what they are saying about where their interests lie and what they are open to discussing.
As I think about it, it occurs to me that one thing I'm a bit more guarded with is discussing my finances. I am a bit self conscious in that department and I tread lightly because of that.
JeremyTaylor
Level 8
May 1, 2019
0
You bring up an interesting issue. To answer your question simply;
Finances. Funding. Who pays for what, and how much.
Robecology
Level 9
Apr 26, 2019
0
What I really, really like when we're making love. That's not something I reveal... not until we're in very deep. But isn't that pretty common among most people?
mischl
Level 8
Apr 25, 2019
0
@FlippantLlama That is, isn't it common for people to not reveal their innermost desires and fantasies with a lover until they have established a very deep and trusting relationship?
@FlippantLlama Ah yes. But you're working from the other side of the "great divide." But even so, how do you know what wants and urges are beyond what he's willing to tell you...until you get in a lot deeper?
@FlippantLlama And how about you? Aren't there things you might like but they're just beyond that point of trust and confidence? I've had a couple of partners in the past who didn't tell me until a couple of years went by. Some NEVER told me, but I found out on my own in other ways.
@FlippantLlama Hmmm, I've been thinking: "Should I tell her? Or not?" I have a very specific example that has shown up twice in my intimate relationships over the past two decades. It might be TMI. And I might be something only for PM.
Personal issues about my past and my deeper insecurities. I have to feel very safe with someone in order to disclose the more vulnerable parts of my life. I have that mutually with a few close friends who I appreciate very much; it's been an unhurried but steady, gentle, and supportive road to get there with them. I could imagine no less with a partner.
bleurowz
Level 8
Apr 25, 2019
1
specific family related issues (there's a huge difference between making the generic my moms crazy comment vs going into details), health related issues and a health issue I have had since childhood. It took many months with my counsellor before I told her about specific depression symptoms.
demifeministgal
Level 8
Apr 25, 2019
1
My family life before I became an adult. I am normally extremely reserved about that part of my life. If you know how many siblings I have or anything really about my immediate family then you have made it into my inner circle of friends.
Nukdookum
Level 8
Apr 25, 2019
3
We did have a rather includive chat when you and Jordon visited , surprisingly so .
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